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So like.
My real-life job. I’m just gonna cut to, unrelated to anything, quietly freak out, which is of interest to basically nobody, but I feel like I should record, being as this is, you know, kind of a journal. (SINCE PUTIN DESTROYED LIVEJOURNAL, THANKS FOR NOTHING, YOU FASCIST ASSHAT. Ahem.)
Well-intentioned but pretty absentee bosses. The whole thing is still afloat largely because my immediate semi-boss, a guy a couple years older than me who’s been with the company a couple years longer, kinda took it upon himself to make the online department from a weird little side gig into kind of being the major backbone of the company’s revenue stream.
But the bosses don’t really. Listen to him, much? He’d worked for the company for nine years before they bothered to meet him. They’re sort of. Not great at caring about some things, you know? I’m sure they’re very attentive to their local stores, but the satellite stores up here? Just. Not as much, y’know?
One of the best things Semi-Boss did was get us onto Amaz*n as sellers. It’s been huge. eBay was a good thing for us, transitioning into the Internet Age and all, online on the Cyber-Webs and whatnot, but was getting weird and tapering off because things kept changing there, and we just couldn’t rely on them as an income source, but Amaz*n stepped up and has been huge for us, both in us shipping direct and in us sending things in to be Fulfilled By Amaz*n.
Anyway. They’ve been doing this thing, that my semi-boss has been telling them is against Amaz*n’s TOS as sellers. The bosses insist we just Have to do this thing. We just can’t change how we do business. Semi-boss has been telling them, for YEARS, that it could get us suspended. It’s always a thing, but it’s always way worse at the holidays. This year, as usual, Sort-Of-Vaguely-Dodgy-Practice was, as usual, intensifying, and Semi-Boss was like, Guys, FOR REAL, this is going to get us KICKED OFF, and then we will be HOSED, please LISTEN TO ME, and the bosses were like, no no, we’ll be fine, we’re always fine.
So, I went away for three business days.
I come back. I missed Monday, because I was sick. Fair. I get a text today from semi-boss.
“Don’t hurry back. We’re suspended on Amaz*n.”
[I’m just starring it because this isn’t really a journaling site and so anything could get indexed, so I’m not interested in it being indexed, you know? I’m just talking about my life. Anyway.]
I don’t remember what cartoon that is, where the one guy is like– I do know, it’s Allie Brosh, it’s Hyperbole and a Half, and she’s like, “IF YOU DON’T DO THE THING, THEN CATASTROPHE,” and her other self is like “nope didn’t do the thing”, and she’s like “WELL THEN I guess Catastrophe!” and then it’s like “catastrophe!” and her other self is like “OH NO HOW COULD THIS HAVE HAPPENED”
That’s my actual professional life, guys.
(Absentee Boss sort of seems to just believe he can call Amaz*n up on the phone and be like hey rich white guy i’m a rich white guy can’t we just talk this over and we’ve tried to explain to him, dude, Amaz*n doesn’t fucking care who you are, they’re not going to talk to you, they are not going to “make a deal”, they don’t care, this isn’t the [redacted] industry of twenty years ago, nobody gives a shit about some puny little nobody who owns a multi-state chain of retail establishments open since the 50s; they own approximately half the world and control literally 50% of the retail sales FULL STOP in this nation, not just online– 50% OF ALL RETAIL ITEMS SOLD IN THE US are sold on this website. They do not care about your tiny-ass business. You will not even reach a human you can speak to. End of story. Full stop. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. That’s all she wrote.)
Do I have a day job anymore? Who fucking knows. Semi-Boss will figure it out. If there’s still money in the budget for me, I’ll stick around, but if not, I guess it’s a sign, to move to the Yurt in the Wilderness and forsake the ways of capitalism and also learn how to weave shirts out of grass I guess because I still do need actual money, you guys. (OK a shirt I could probably figure but how do you make bras out of grass, Internet? How? I’ll do anything but go braless, I got too much fat titty to go braless. I guess I got capitalist titties.)
IT WON’T MATTER ANYMORE ONCE PUTIN TAKES OVER AND THEN CLIMATE CHANGE KILLS US ALL HA HA HA HA HA HA HA LOLLLLLL.
