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dirtsnakes https://dirtsnakes.tumblr.com/post/701996273438507008/spotify-wrapped-is-coming-up-so-heres-the :

spotify wrapped is coming up so heres the obligatory PSA: i care. i want to see it. mutuals, post it. rando’s? let me know!!!! you listen to that? fuck me too! i care i care! post them!

and here I have a not-quite counterpoint: I don’t really care about your Spotify wrapped because I won’t understand it, but please! Post it anyway! Tag it and if it’s too much for me I’ll blacklist the tag, I don’t ever want you to dim your sparkle because you’re worried someone’s gonna think you’re annoying. Just say what it is so I can take care of myself, but if I’m feeling up to it, I will totally look! I will totally poke at this thing I don’t understand and say honey I don’t understand, tell me about this thing you like, because that is a friendly way of being a human and I do like to enjoy people’s joy. Sometimes I can’t do that, but in that case, I just won’t ask. So don’t worry! Post about stuff you’re interested in! Whether you think it makes you sound deep and exciting or like a basic bitch, it doesn’t matter. Talk about what makes you happy. That’s the point of it, the point of this goddamned webbed site and the point of being alive really. Talk about your shit, and maybe in a couple years you’ll look back and laugh; maybe when you post it I’ll see a thing and learn something new. It’s all good, sweetheart. (Your picture was not posted)

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dyatlovpassingprivilege https://www.tumblr.com/dyatlovpassingprivilege/700234575262220288/do-not-in-the-euphoria-of-watching-twitter-shit :

do not, in the euphoria of watching twitter shit itself to death like a cholera stricken pilgrim, ever let yourself become convinced that it’s actually cool to use this site (Your picture was not posted)

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My disorganized-bitch policy of never unfollowing people who go inactive unless a spammer takes over their zombie account is paying off and i’m seeing some ancient blogs come back online and resume their activity now that Certain Events have Transpired in the Greater Context of Social Media so I just sorta wanna say hi and welcome back and listen

listen

shit is weird, and the only way we’re all gonna survive is if we stick together and get even weirder, so like

come on in, the water’s fine, I’m doing my part to keep it unhinged with ya. Shop local, buy small, we can’t activism our way out of this one but we can do good where we can, tip your server, etc. etc., but really above all else remember, be unmarketable-to and as weird as possible.

(My particular part in this nonsense is that I write shockingly-coherent but unreasonably long intertwined epics https://archiveofourown.org/series/1639717 nominally based on the concept of Witcher fanfiction (netflix? book? video games? yes and no to all three) but by this point they’re mostly OCs. We’re not at a million words yet but not for want of trying. This is not a marketable or rational thing to do. But if you were wondering what I’ve been up to, that’s what I’ve been up to, since March of 2020 when I realized not all of us were getting out of this alive.)

Pull up a coping mechanism. Be nice. Get weird. Ignore celebrities. Dismiss influencers. Avoid algorithms. Turn off the “best stuff first” shit. Look up things your damn self. Reblog all the good stuff you find. Use the queue function or not. Embrace the cringe. Post some titties. (as an aside: i have only seen like one pair of titties since they announced that, are we dead inside or what? come on man. no, no, i’m there with you– I’m not posting shit until i see something i can believe in. So, free the nipple but like, someone else go first.)

Anyway hi. Some of us are still here.

Let’s get weirder. (Your picture was not posted)

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ok i might be the most humorless bitch on this planet but i actually unironically love Tumblr’s Shorten Long Posts feature because on the desktop where I don’t have xkit installed it just collapses basically everything and I am almost always glad it collapsed the thing, because the thing was, say, a set of stills from a movie i’ve never seen and won’t watch, or fifteen photos of a celebrity i don’t know, or an extremely long essay that sort of anthropomorphizes things that shouldn’t be, or a lengthy incorrect explanation of something that then gets lengthily refuted only semi-correctly.

yes i am following too many people, yes it is because i have too many mutuals who i individually like but collectively they all just reblog each other and postblock can’t get everything.

what i really wish is that you could follow someone without subscribing to their posts, or that you could customize your dashboard to just read things within a certain filter. but there is no point yearning for classic livejournal, as those days are behind us.

in the meantime i’ll settle for having a vague idea of who’s on about what, with your tags prominently displayed so i know what you think about the thing i’ve seen fifteen times by now, with the option to display it if it’s a thing i haven’t actually seen before. (Your picture was not posted)

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dzamie https://dzamie.tumblr.com/post/679841572042489856/im-going-to-drive-nails-into-your-skull-you :

dyatlovpassingprivilege https://dyatlovpassingprivilege.tumblr.com/post/679553238500081664/tumblr-is-the-only-social-media-site-that-doesnt :

tumblr is the only social media site that doesn’t crack down on threats of violence because its denizens only do it in very drawn out and lamely prosaic ways that if read aloud during litigation couldn’t reasonably be ruled out as just being an insufferable homosexual’s creative writing exercise

“I’m going to drive nails into your skull you little freak” <- bad! boring! a terribly actionable threat!

“op i will gnaw through the load-bearing walls of your house while you sleep” <- great! unhinged! contains implications of beaverhood! (Your picture was not posted)

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nudityandnerdery https://nudityandnerdery.tumblr.com/post/649850253127925760:

vacuously-true https://vacuously-true.tumblr.com/post/649785389179109376/hey-tumblr-friends-in-case-i-havent-told-you :

Hey tumblr friends, in case I haven’t told you lately, I have no idea what the FUCK half of you are on about and I WISH I didn’t know what the rest of you are on about. Great work. Keep it up. (Your picture was not posted)

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visit-ba-sing-se https://visit-ba-sing-se.tumblr.com/post/679636741705121792/love-how-this-whole-new-people-coming-to-tumblr :

visit-ba-sing-se https://visit-ba-sing-se.tumblr.com/post/679587956235829248/love-how-this-whole-new-people-coming-to-tumblr :

love how this whole “new people coming to tumblr now” situation has exactly the vibe of strange showing up in the saloon of an old western town and stepping on the creaking floorboard

”Listen up, Stranger. Since you already stumbled in here, there is a few things you should know. First of all, this is a lawless land. There is no algorithm, and there are no ways to control which posts get traction. They do, or they don’t. Second, we do not do well with influencers here. You can try, but you won’t last long. They never do. Third, no one trusts a stranger who hides behind a default icon and only watches from afar. We have dealt with those before, and it did cost us. If you want to gain trust, talk to and support your fellas, and they will eventually return the favour. Finally, we like real fights in here. This is not a place of where you get unalived. This is a place where you die.” (Your picture was not posted)

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spitblaze https://spitblaze.tumblr.com/post/679533968810491904/a-guide-for-new-tumblr-users-1-this-place-is :

A guide for new tumblr users:

1) This place is not a place of honor… no highly esteemed deed is commemorated here… nothing valued is here.

2) What is here was dangerous and repulsive to us. This message is a warning about danger.

3) The danger is in a particular location… it increases towards a center… the center of danger is here… of a particular size and shape, and below us.

4) The danger is still present, in your time, as it was in ours.

5) The danger is to the body, and it can kill.

6) The form of the danger is an emanation of energy.

7) The danger is unleashed only if you substantially disturb this place physically. This place is best shunned and left uninhabited. (Your picture was not posted)

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pisss-offf-ghostt https://pisss-offf-ghostt.tumblr.com/post/640581441621753856/phantomrose96-nightapproaches-biglawbear :

phantomrose96 https://phantomrose96.tumblr.com/post/640515893609316352/nightapproaches-biglawbear-phantomrose96-i-love :

nightapproaches https://nightapproaches.tumblr.com/post/640145534397644800/biglawbear-phantomrose96-i-love-tumblr-i-love :

biglawbear https://biglawbear.tumblr.com/post/639539679009636352/phantomrose96-i-love-tumblr-i-love-that-tumblr :

phantomrose96 https://phantomrose96.tumblr.com/post/639134013230088192/i-love-tumblr-i-love-that-tumblr-is-the-best :

[image: image]

I love tumblr. I love that tumblr is the best social media site of 2021.

Every other site has spent the last decade perfecting the art of targeted ads. I am a wallet of flesh and blood which must be stripped bare and profiled and picked apart for the maximally efficient way to squeeze profit from my presence. Every other site will fold and morph itself to a shape of my liking - like a fairy tale trickster stealing memories and taking their mold - to lull me into compliance and loosen my coin purse.

Facebook sees me searching fitness equipment and injects my timeline with athletic wear ads. Reddit profiles the subreddits I follow and eagerly promotes a new coding bootcamp or cloud service at every turn. Google overhears me lamenting over my moving to-do list on voice call and fills in my “how much to tip movers” query before I’ve gotten the third word typed out.

Tumblr never even tried.

They could have. The information is there. The basic infrastructure, presumably, exists. Tumblr can recommend me tags based on tags I follow, blogs based on blogs I follow, even posts that for one reason or another may strike my fancy. Tumblr could be - SHOULD be - funneling this framework into advertising, as the only means that free-to-use social media platforms can turn a profit in our capitalistic hellscape.

They just don’t.

Today I saw an ad for treating Hyperhidrosis - a condition, I think, in which a person sweats too much - and I saw it twice, four posts apart, and it is so incredibly benignly impersonally ineptly untargeted toward me compared to all other pinpoint-aimed advertising that I’m endeared to it. Tumblr knows NOTHING about me. 8 years, 51,000 likes, and tumblr has not learned a THING about me.

Advertisements for a mattress? Shitty mobile game ads that don’t make even the slightest pretense at being anything other than a candy crush rip-off? Choose-your-own adventure games either about Royal Espionage or Choosing The Wrong Dress For Your Date with ZERO in-between.

And then this. This here. The culmination, the crown-jewel of tumblr’s nihilistic non-compliance with the state of social media advertising. Any pretense of capitalistic exchange is abandoned at the gas station by the side of the road. This is not a company. This is not a product. This is not anything that fulfills the contract of consumer and seller.

THIS. THIS IS WHAT TUMBLR HAS TO OFFER INSTEAD.

“Pour vinegar on your bread, fuck you.”

“Put it in the garbage, fuck you.”

“Your wife says you’re a fucking dumbass, fuck you.”

*That’s it. That’s the advertisement. You vinegar-breadless cuck. You virgin extraordinaire bereft of bread and garbage can. I am fucking your wife right now in our vinegar-soaked motel bed. She puffs a cigarette which I pulled from the trashcan and we both laugh heartily at her recounts of your immasculine ineptitude. I don’t want your money. I don’t want anything from you. Fuck you. *

Amazing. Amazing. What a state of things to ring in 2021. What a great platform we all collectively choose to be on.

I started screenshotting my favorite ads

Just fucking take a bite out of your soap you piece of shit. Sleep with it and eat it

I don’t even know what this is trying to sell me. Tumblr doesn’t either. The ad doesn’t know either. Did I click on the link? Fucking absolutely. I think it was broken

Beautiful a+ 10/10

A compilation of my favorites:

Hi listen I know I’m OP but I’m losing my fucking mind over this.

Truly, this is what tumblr is about.

OH SO mostly I don’t see ads on Tumblr because i have xkit and an adblocker on my Firefox so like, baller, right

but yesterday I was on my work computer which is like. it’s like taking the internet raw. i do it to see what viruses i’ll get. it’s not my computer. whatever. nihilism. stick it to the man. something.

but i saw an ad that was, I shit you not, an ad for a porn DVD called “Titty Love”

the image featured a woman in a bra, so, cowards, but I was DYING that I could not take a screenshot because???? Tits are illegal on Tumblr???? and what, you think I’m now desperate enough that you can SELL ME a PORN DVD of BOOBS?? You really think I don’t know how to see tits on the Internet???

it blew my tiny mind, I tell you what. (Your picture was not posted)

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geese, misc

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Y’all have been hilarious and I haven’t been able to easily keep up, so this is a big misc dump, sorry!

in re: asks going missing, laurelnose https://laurelnose.tumblr.com/ said: actually if you scroll through your drafts you might find it again? tumblr backdates drafted asks to when the ask was sent which if you have a lot of drafts makes it SEEM like they vanished into thin air

Ha, thank you. Yes, I did discover that while I was rewriting it, and it turns out my fresh reply was better than my original one, so I rolled with it, but that is a Top Tip for all y’all out there trying to function on this hellsite, and also possibly I’m telling on myself that I keep things I like and want to find again in my drafts folder which is why it’s currently sitting pretty at over 1600 entries. Whoops.

Oh in re: the sewing bird from ages ago, I remembered where I know Lacis https://lacis.com/catalog/ from– they’re the only manufacturer I’ve currently found of tambour needles, so I have a tambour needle set by them I got on Amazon or somesuch. So I ordered another set from their website because I bent the finest needle of the set which of course is the one I use, and you can’t buy replacements anywhere else but their website, and I also ordered myself a sewing bird, so I will have photos of that soon, it arrived while i was at the farm and I have only just opened it and am delighted but haven’t tried it out yet. (A modern one with two clamps would be faster and easier to use, possibly more versatile for travel, but this one is darling.)

[personal profile] mikkeneko https://tmblr.co/mQinCuAEZN8fzW1FQO_b2Vg​ ‘s family punchline was just that they had to flee the Puritans to come to the New World, which is hilarious because my folk had to flee the Stuarts to come to the New World so like. I mean, it’s not so much give me your tired and poor as all your political refugees. That must’ve been fun to be neighbors about.

Weird trivia fun fact: my sister’s farm’s first occupant was a German who moved upstate to work a Rensselaer tenant farm and then fought in the Rev War on the WRONG SIDE and somehow managed to keep his farm, which is evidence that he was either a fast talker or actually the locals weren’t that fired up about it, hard to say. (He and a small collection of his fellows from the local German-speaking Lutheran church went up to the Battle of Bennington https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Bennington and joined the Hessians under Baum, fighting against Stark and his folks. That was, as far as we can tell, the extent of ol’ Heinrich’s involvement in the war.)

oh yeah I wanted to reply to this one too

[profile] dalekpoetryreading https://tmblr.co/mZeB_2FF8_fCZOMwpdp2i4w​ reblogged your post “wtf geese” and added “They don’t, that’s why they are screaming” which made me laugh really really really hard.

Also over on the DW crosspost DW-user light-of-summer replied with this which is so interesting I’m cross-platform posting it:

I googled “why do geese fly at night?” and found a moderately interesting article about Canada Geese, specifically, at https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.forbes.com/sites/quora/2018/03/01/why-do-canadian-geese-fly-at-night/amp/

TL;DR: reduced air turbulence, reduced risk of overheating, and reduced risk of predation.

That article didn’t mention their eyesight, but I found another site that says Canada geese don’t see in the dark as well as cats do, but they do it twelve times better than humans!: https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.mercurynews.com/2013/11/05/morris-nighttime-geese-flights/amp/

So, now we both know! 😊

so, we are answered in both hilarious shitposting and actual knowledge-knowing. I don’t know how I feel about the fact that geese can see in the dark, part of why I can handle poultry is that I know i can just wait until night for my pathetic-but-still-usable night vision to render me the advantage. Sleepy turkeys are much less terrifying than their daytime velociraptor impression.

I’m forgetting stuff but anyway. I’m back in Buffalo for four days, let’s see how much of my mind I can recover. This has been a long fucking season. I have been writing but nothing is quite ready to post, it’s really incredible, argh. Maybe I’ll do a snippet post of what I’ve been working on later though.

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My activities page is now showing more recent notes, but if I scroll back to this morning, it goes back to just showing the notes on that post going back three years. Like… weird, man!!!

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HA HA HA I got Xkit installed and blocked all the ads and guess what

the images load now

not perfectly but a hell of a lot faster. the site’s borderline usable once the ads are blocked.

amazing. they weren’t loading either, before, so like. i mean. whatever.

DUH

Jul. 28th, 2020 04:27 am
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Firefox imported all my stuff but not my extensions I don’t have xkit that’s why this site suddenly is so awful

Amusingly enough, the ads don’t load either, so I keep scrolling past blank posts of unloaded images interspersed with A LOT of blank white frames where ads aren’t loaded either, and I was like man this looks fuckin weird, and i never realized, it’s because without xkit I’m seeing the ad frames for the first time.

IDK which version of xkit is the best one but I’m going to go find out.

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b) Requires a significant investment of time & trust such that he’s unlikely to be willing to get it from paid or casual encounters, which would also lead him to mentally build it up as ‘romantic’ (2/3)

….

if there was a third ask I didn’t get it so I am In Terrible Suspense!!!!!

I can only assume this is about the tawdry romance novels on Geralt’s bookshelf?????

I am DYING here, what was the punchline???????????
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notbecauseofvictories:

aethersea:

notbecauseofvictories:

this is not my beautiful house, this is not my beautiful dash

[personal profile] notbecauseofvictories & everyone else in the notes, there is a workaround (for now, and I think only on desktop) but it’s very, very stupid:

go to your Activity page, which is still in the old format bc this website is a joke.

click on one of the activity bars, which will bring up some post.

click reblog on that post, but do not actually reblog it. this should bring up that floating post in the center of the page. you’ll notice the url changes when you do this.

refresh the page. (it may ask “are you sure?” yes you’re sure)

discard the post (or reblog it if you feel like it).

ta-daa! old dash. a functional website.

this does work, but I think “a functional website” is stretching it, since Old Tumblr only applies to the first page of your dash/as long as you don’t navigate to another url.

Though also kind of I feel like it shouldn’t work? this feels like something someone should have caught? but also yes sweet relief tag viewer I missed you so.

This works and is the only way I can get my dash to load. The new version doesn’t show images, for me. I don’t care about the font, I can’t actually use the site!
Also, if the Activity drop-down doesn’t actually show you the text of people’s replies to you, why on earth do you need a drop-down for that??
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After all the kerfuffle of all these other people getting unwillingly thrown into the Tumblr beta that makes the site unusable and breaks xkit, they finally caved, I thought, and put the toggle switch back so people could opt out… 

and I just refreshed and I’m in the beta and have no toggle switch to opt out and my xkit is broken and

FUCK

Where the fuck was that post? How the fuck do I get out of this? GET ME OUT OF THIS FUCKING PILE OF SHIT BETA!!! I DO NOT WANT THIS!!! 
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I love that this is what my Tumblr dash looks like lately.

[image description: a blank tumblr post with ten blank unloaded images all helpfully alt-texted with the single word “image” and at the bottom, a caption that says simply, “A little mushroom finds a puddle”]

All of y’all who rely on image descriptions all the time must save so much fucking time on this website because there’s just nothing here. Actually this post is better than most, the alt text actually loaded; usually it’s just acres of blank featureless white space and I scroll down and the caption is, like, “free him” or something like that. Why bother!

[my annoyance is mostly at Tumblr, partly at the work wifi that persists in fucking sucking for no reason, but also that the culture here has remained so steadfastly in avoidance of ever using image descriptions. it’s not even, like, a question of accessibility, it’s just that this whole site looks so fucking stupid most of the time and could be better with minimal effort! but no. *reaction gif*]
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sofiaottoman replied to your post “*frysquint.jpg* I have Doubts and also this will probably break xkit…”

I’m giving it a try, probably foolishly. I’m really not sure. It has larger different font. Even with infinity scrolling it’s really not sure, and crashed on me. The only thing I sort of like is I can change the colour pallette. There’s not a lot of choice, and you have to go through all of them - there’s no menu, or at least I didn’t find it. I’m probably going to nope out of it

mansikkaomenabanaani replied to your post “*frysquint.jpg* I have Doubts and also this will probably break xkit…”

I noped too! Not heard good things about it at all (but what else could we expect really…)

lookninjas replied to your post “*frysquint.jpg* I have Doubts and also this will probably break xkit…”

The only thing I’ve heard about it so far is that if you have your dash set to only show like 10 posts at a time, it breaks that and enables unlimited scroll instead. Which, tbh, is enough for me to nope out of it. I have my dash set the way it is for a reason.

All of this is boiling down to “why bother” for me.

The only thing I want from Tumblr is 1) threaded comments and 2) functioning blacklists, and XKit gives me as close to that as I can really get, and I’ve got Dreamwidth for the rest, so what the fuck am I going to beta-test for them? Shit I don’t want? Different font sizes? Listen I leave literally every site on the default theme as long as it exists, so why the fuck would I want to customize my dashboard appearance? I don’t look at Tumblr at work and I can’t think of another reason. (Naturally those of you with vision problems etc have your reasons, I’m not pooh-poohing the whole idea, but honestly I haven’t tried to customize anything since I got my own Windows 95 computer and tweaked literally every possible setting and then forgot how to change it back so for my entire college career my mouse gestures made Monty Python noises and I just forgot that wasn’t normal, so.)
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*frysquint.jpg*

I have Doubts and also this will probably break xkit and also what the fuck is this????

mmmmm… i… don’t…. ehhhhhhh

[image description: a screenshot of a purple banner saying “Pssst. Hey, you. Come try out our new Tumblr web beta experience.]

[second image description: another screenshot explaining that I’ve been selected to participate in beta testing the Future of Tumblr™. “We randomly selected a small slice of people on Tumblr to try out the beta,” it explains.]

misc

Dec. 16th, 2019 01:27 pm
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I don’t know how LinkedIn works and at this point I’m too afraid to find out. I must have signed up at some point but I don’t know what I used to log in.

I do know that it emails me three or four times a day, and has done for years now, and I don’t know how to make it stop. What’s weird is that it gets stuck. It used to email me “so and so requested to connect with you!” and it’d be someone i’ve met in real life or whatever. Mostly thru roller derby. And I’d be like, no, I’m not connecting with shit, I don’t know how to use that site. And so it’d email me daily reminding me about it for about a week, and then it’d give up.

Lately, it’s decided to ask me, sometimes twice or three times a day, “do you know so-and-so?” and it goes back and forth between two different people, both roller derby people I haven’t seen in a solid three or four years now, maybe more– but it’s just the two of them, and it emails me about them literally twice a day. One of them used to be Dude’s boss, for a while, circa 2009. It’s. A lot. I don’t know how to make it stop and like hell am I ever logging in to that site again. 

Anyway if you’ve ever wondered why I didn’t accept your request to connect on LinkedIn that’s why.

In other news, I replaced the needle in my sewing machine as per the advice of uhhhh [profile] missbuster​? was it you? it was someone I’m connected with on multiple platforms and I’m not sure which platform the comment was on and thus I can’t find the conversation to reply to it, and maybe it was dreamwidth, and gosh on the one hand I love having multiple avenues of conversation but I sure wish conversations were actually supported on Tumblr, it’s a pretty fundamental aspect of social media that the site rather forcibly neglects. Argh.

Anyway, I replaced the needle, and yes, it helped quite a bit– the old needle was actually some kind of specialty needle and I don’t know how or why that happened but there it is. I had to buy a new pack of needles to find my old pack, but once I did, I found the old pack and all was well. The machine still isn’t fixed, though. And it turns out, I’m actually fucking terrible at hemming, so several of the furoshiki, I’ve had to either seam-rip the hem and restitch it, or just go over by hand and mend the places where I totally neglected to catch the turned-under bit of seam. It’s been sort of humbling to realize that not all of my shittiness is blameable on the tools. Though, I mean, a lot of it was, so. 

I’ll do a separate post with the Whole Saga Of The Furoshiki soon, though. But here’s a teaser picture:

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