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pisss-offf-ghostt
https://pisss-offf-ghostt.tumblr.com/post/640581441621753856/phantomrose96-nightapproaches-biglawbear
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phantomrose96
https://phantomrose96.tumblr.com/post/640515893609316352/nightapproaches-biglawbear-phantomrose96-i-love
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nightapproaches
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biglawbear
https://biglawbear.tumblr.com/post/639539679009636352/phantomrose96-i-love-tumblr-i-love-that-tumblr
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phantomrose96
https://phantomrose96.tumblr.com/post/639134013230088192/i-love-tumblr-i-love-that-tumblr-is-the-best
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[image: image]
I love tumblr. I love that tumblr is the best social media site of 2021.
Every other site has spent the last decade perfecting the art of targeted
ads. I am a wallet of flesh and blood which must be stripped bare and
profiled and picked apart for the maximally efficient way to squeeze profit
from my presence. Every other site will fold and morph itself to a shape of
my liking - like a fairy tale trickster stealing memories and taking their
mold - to lull me into compliance and loosen my coin purse.
Facebook sees me searching fitness equipment and injects my timeline with
athletic wear ads. Reddit profiles the subreddits I follow and eagerly
promotes a new coding bootcamp or cloud service at every turn. Google
overhears me lamenting over my moving to-do list on voice call and fills in
my “how much to tip movers” query before I’ve gotten the third word typed
out.
Tumblr never even tried.
They could have. The information is there. The basic infrastructure,
presumably, exists. Tumblr can recommend me tags based on tags I follow,
blogs based on blogs I follow, even posts that for one reason or another
may strike my fancy. Tumblr could be - SHOULD be - funneling this framework
into advertising, as the only means that free-to-use social media platforms
can turn a profit in our capitalistic hellscape.
They just don’t.
Today I saw an ad for treating Hyperhidrosis - a condition, I think, in
which a person sweats too much - and I saw it twice, four posts apart, and
it is so incredibly benignly impersonally ineptly untargeted toward me
compared to all other pinpoint-aimed advertising that I’m endeared to it.
Tumblr knows NOTHING about me. 8 years, 51,000 likes, and tumblr has not
learned a THING about me.
Advertisements for a mattress? Shitty mobile game ads that don’t make even
the slightest pretense at being anything other than a candy crush rip-off?
Choose-your-own adventure games either about Royal Espionage or Choosing
The Wrong Dress For Your Date with ZERO in-between.
And then this. This here. The culmination, the crown-jewel of tumblr’s
nihilistic non-compliance with the state of social media advertising. Any
pretense of capitalistic exchange is abandoned at the gas station by the
side of the road. This is not a company. This is not a product. This is not
anything that fulfills the contract of consumer and seller.
THIS. THIS IS WHAT TUMBLR HAS TO OFFER INSTEAD.
“Pour vinegar on your bread, fuck you.”
“Put it in the garbage, fuck you.”
“Your wife says you’re a fucking dumbass, fuck you.”
*That’s it. That’s the advertisement. You vinegar-breadless cuck. You
virgin extraordinaire bereft of bread and garbage can. I am fucking your
wife right now in our vinegar-soaked motel bed. She puffs a cigarette which
I pulled from the trashcan and we both laugh heartily at her recounts of
your immasculine ineptitude. I don’t want your money. I don’t want anything
from you. Fuck you. *
Amazing. Amazing. What a state of things to ring in 2021. What a great
platform we all collectively choose to be on.
I started screenshotting my favorite ads
Just fucking take a bite out of your soap you piece of shit. Sleep with it
and eat it
I don’t even know what this is trying to sell me. Tumblr doesn’t either.
The ad doesn’t know either. Did I click on the link? Fucking absolutely. I
think it was broken
Beautiful a+ 10/10
A compilation of my favorites:
Hi listen I know I’m OP but I’m losing my fucking mind over this.
Truly, this is what tumblr is about.
OH SO mostly I don’t see ads on Tumblr because i have xkit and an adblocker
on my Firefox so like, baller, right
but yesterday I was on my work computer which is like. it’s like taking the
internet raw. i do it to see what viruses i’ll get. it’s not my computer.
whatever. nihilism. stick it to the man. something.
but i saw an ad that was, I shit you not, an ad for a porn DVD called
“Titty Love”
the image featured a woman in a bra, so, cowards, but I was DYING that I
could not take a screenshot because???? Tits are illegal on Tumblr???? and
what, you think I’m now desperate enough that you can SELL ME a PORN DVD of
BOOBS?? You really think I don’t know how to see tits on the Internet???
it blew my tiny mind, I tell you what.
(Your picture was not posted)