Sep. 24th, 2021

though they're so cute, saskia and ciri mayhem twins, the witcher, idek what else to tag this, clubwear au, ciri gets to be a rave bunny and the chosen one, why the fuck not, roche/iorveth

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laurelnose https://laurelnose.tumblr.com/post/663173684959297536/crack:

bomberqueen17 https://bomberqueen17.tumblr.com/post/663167353820954624/crack:

So this– I don’t even know where to start with this, but. Someone linked to this clothing site for some other reason. It’s like a rave/burner/stilter/EDM festival fashion site, and I was like “oh there’s nothing here I’d ever–” but I had clicked to see what it was, and there were some really cute glitter spandex things and like, listen I own a large collection of spandex glitter booty shorts due to my decade-long sojourn in roller derby.

And I discovered this https://coquetryclothing.com/collections/dragons/products/new-build-your-own-dragon-crop?variant=29434077118551, which like, I… don’t know… if any of y’all know my email address… it contains the word “dragon” in it because of an old obsession…. and like…. oh no I. I need this.

(Yes, I have ordered myself one. I’ll share photos when it arrives. No, I don’t look like that mannequin. It doesn’t matter. This fucking thing is going to be shiny.)

Anyway I. As I was deciding on what colors I wanted this thing to be, I was of course thinking of Saskia, the current dragon-maiden of popular imagination. So uh.

Keep reading https://bomberqueen17.tumblr.com/post/663167353820954624/crack

hmm… yes. cosigned

i’ve misread the brief this isn’t a romper

no it doesn’t have to be. She can be in any of just an array of perfectly wild legwear https://coquetryclothing.com/collections/shorts, if that’s what Her Highness prefers. (Several of the skirts have tails and spikes https://coquetryclothing.com/products/build-your-own-dragon-tail-skirt?variant=29434077577303 built in, you can’t go wrong.)

ciri’s lil blep i love her

Ha I can’t stop looking at this. Oh no now I have ideas for this A/U.

Hear me out, modern times but still Continent, still has a mix of monarchies and assorted old-fashioned things mixed in, plus of course magic. Ciri is the long-lost recovered heiress and has been formally adopted as a Crown Princess. Saskia’s the heiress of some small obscure duchy or whatever. (And yes she’s actually a dragon, I really just like that for her, you know? maybe her lowkey ability to hypnotize people has helped with her rise from obscurity. maybe the nobility of this lil place has always been dragons and is occasionally sort of reclusive to cover up that fact. who can say. maybe the free state was just carved out of aedirn after the terrible last war and saskia surfaced out of the depths of history to give the place some respectability so they could hang with the other states.)

Iorveth is her head of security, a bit controversial. (But he and Geralt have similar enough circumstances that they’re quite good friends– Geralt adopted Ciri when she was missing, and raised her as a daughter. Iorveth didn’t quite do that, but Saskia spent the last war as a partisan in the countryside, and he took her under his protection and whether he kept her alive or she kept him alive is really a toss-up.)

And Roche is the disgraced former bodyguard of the assassinated Foltest whose death more or less kicked off the last war, and he’s out of a job and after the last war he’s more or less poison, but as he was made into a scapegoat no one actually wants to kill him because that might make someone look harder at what actually went down, so he’s kicking around in increasing desperation. Saskia turns him up somehow and drags him back to Iorveth, wanting to hire him as a bodyguard.

Roche knows fine fucking well Iorveth was involved in the conspiracy to assassinate Foltest. So does Iorveth. He in turn knows fine well Roche did nothing wrong and in fact nearly foiled the entire thing. He knows Roche is quite good at what he does. He also doesn’t want Roche anywhere near his precious princess.

But his precious princess insists.

Anyway— shenanigans ensue and there’s got to be at least one action scene involving the two young ladies in clubwear, if only for the stunning image of Ciri in metallic short-chaps https://coquetryclothing.com/collections/chaps/products/build-your-own-short-chaps-with-side-pockets?variant=39297233649751 wielding a forty-four-inch sword without her unicorn-horn hood falling down, but. Roche gets redeemed and also gets to bone Iorveth, and political stability is restored to the Continent one way or another.

But, yes, Roche for a while has to be the bodyguard that has to go with them to the clubs and he hates it. And in the morning when they get home all rumpled and exhausted and Iorveth makes them pancakes he gives Roche some and Roche really doesn’t know what to do about that.

Except eat the pancakes. They’re good pancakes. (Your picture was not posted)

start then want to file serial numbers off and then don't, so we'll see if i can scrape out a couple of ficlets and scratch the itch at least, but i'm overcommitted on other things, and also i'm burying my dad on saturday so i could use a fucking distraction, tw grief

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dsudis https://tmblr.co/mi4JURR6RANSHn-yhHvMOmA replied to your entry “Crack” https://bomberqueen17.tumblr.com/post/663208427155292160/crack and said:

Okay but what absolutely WILD hoodie is Roche wearing to ~blend in~ at the clubs that can match his chaperon????

hehhhhh oh no. Curses, I’m not writing this– but. Well so.

There’s got to be a scene at a stupid Renn Faire kind of thing expressly so there’s a reason to put Roche in a chaperon, because I can’t otherwise justify it. (He has a signature stupid hat though, he has to. Fuck, akilah12902 https://tmblr.co/mmG9gp3S698rFJImW-pcxgg is right, Foltest probably put him in a fedora or something, and he looks real good in it but mostly discards it when he becomes an international fugitive from justice.) Yeah they have to hire him for the event; Iorveth is too distinctive to accompany Saskia anywhere without it being a whole fucking production and he’s cranky about it but. Well. He helped frame Roche in the first place, he knows the guy’s good. And honestly Saskia can protect herself but.

Iorveth is furious when it turns out that Roche looks really good in a chaperon.

Then we can get into the clubwear.

Roche has to refuse anything that’ll expose any of his tattoos– too incriminating– but heh also, let’s get this delicious nonsexual noncon in here, he can’t turn down anything Saskia wants because he’s desperate for the job and she has him over a barrel and as far as he’s aware she’s a spoiled rich brat who’d hurt him for fun so that’s tasty. So she gets him into a stupidly cute dragon hoodie (oh maybe it’s got unicorns and rainbows https://coquetryclothing.com/collections/mens-tops/products/mens-unicorns-rainbows-dragon-hoodie) and a skin-tight holographic long-sleeved t-shirt and… okay has some mercy and lets him wear jeans so he can still hide his ridiculous array of weapons but they’re fitted jeans, and the eyeliner, oh no, the eyeliner– he is far too old for this, and grumbles that he looks ridiculous, and Iorveth agrees and seems weirdly angry about it? but then Iorveth only has two emotions as far as Roche can tell, and those are smug superiority and seething anger, so like fuck that guy.

When they get home at like 5am and Roche has successfully foiled some kind of Bad Shenanigans Plot Point by being really good at his job and the girls are delightedly devouring pancakes and Iorveth grudgingly drops a plate of them in front of him and stalks away he has no idea that what Iorveth is so mad about is that with his eyeliner all smudged and glitter all over him and the hood finally pulled down and that unmistakable sweat-sheened glow of competence and his ridiculous fucking jaw he looks really fucking good and Iorveth is so goddamned angry about it.

mm yes and in this AU Roche is still a recovering alcoholic and he can’t tell anybody because that’s a weakness, and this gives us both the delicious angst of someone spiking a drink and him having to white-knuckle through the various Medical Problems that gives him, but also can give us an opportunity for a lovely personal misunderstanding, wherein Iorveth’s first overt gesture of peacemaking is to pour him a glass of wine, which he has to, teeth gritted, refuse, even though he’s off-duty and there goes his easy excuse, and Iorveth is offended so they don’t reconcile that way. (no that has to come during some kind of action sequence and maybe they punch each other about it and then make out listen i don’t make the rules these things just happen)

Oh yeah VES Ves is with him. She’s a grubby refugee with him. Their last gig was that they were scapegoated for assassinating Radovid which they very much were involved in of course but Roche will never tell anyone that he actually was only involved because Radovid tried to have Adda committed and he’d do anything for her. (Adda tried to take Roche in after, to protect him, and he refused, as he’s political poison and she can’t afford it and he’s right but she’s mad.)

Ves takes to being Saskia’s bodyguard like, well, something that takes to things really well, it’s pretty much a match made in heaven. Her daily outfit is a shirt cut down to her navel, of course, but for clubwear she just wears an open vest and pasties https://coquetryclothing.com/collections/pasties-and-body-stickers/products/fleur-de-lis-pasties and all her incriminating tattoos are covered in vinyl body stickers and of course she’s wearing the booty shorts with the hip cutouts, and furry boots, and somehow she’s still the most heavily-armed person in this club and yeah she high-kicks a man to death probably, Saskia loves her immensely.

At some point when Ciri’s in town it’s Roche who notices that her erstwhile suitor and nuisance, Morvran, is not the idle socialite he pretends to be, he is not actually taking all the drugs he pretends to be taking, he’s actually far sharper than he ought to be and whoever trained this kid was good… anyway Morvran has to drop the act to help with the Plot Climax and it… turns out… he’s actually kind of a good dude…. in there somewhere.

a n y w a y

I’m not writing this but I’m not not writing this, you animals

there was art, i can’t resist art, god damn it (Your picture was not posted)