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Nov. 3rd, 2021 05:25 amvia https://ift.tt/3CGYJVD
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Sep. 24th, 2021 01:25 pmvia https://ift.tt/2Zp84mh
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Every morning the cat complains that we are feeding her SO LATE and she is STARVING and this morning, unique among all days of the year, she is CORRECT, it is almost QUARTER TO NINE and we have not yet fed her, she is RIGHT
(we haven’t fixed the clocks yet and it is time for me to begin my semi-annual dance of Complete Confusion about it oh the joy of ADHD/dyscalculia Hell About Clocks, fuck you Daylight Savings, I can’t tell time on a NORMAL day and now i get to just completely lose my shit entirely for a week or so)
Every morning the cat complains that we are feeding her SO LATE and she is STARVING and this morning, unique among all days of the year, she is CORRECT, it is almost QUARTER TO NINE and we have not yet fed her, she is RIGHT
(we haven’t fixed the clocks yet and it is time for me to begin my semi-annual dance of Complete Confusion about it oh the joy of ADHD/dyscalculia Hell About Clocks, fuck you Daylight Savings, I can’t tell time on a NORMAL day and now i get to just completely lose my shit entirely for a week or so)
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ernmark:
I most often see executive dysfunction talked about in terms of not being able to make yourself do things. And that’s one of its manifestations, yes, but it’s not the only one. Another really big one that I see is something called Decision Fatigue. Making choices is an executive function, but each one that you make costs you something. The more complex they are, the more it costs– and if you’re already low on mental resources, even small choices can be completely overwhelming.
The example used most often is that of a courtroom judge, whose ability to fairly evaluate the cases they’re presiding over deteriorates during the day. Elsewhere I’ve seen the example of grocery shopping– when you’ve got a tight budget, every single item you look at requires complex cost-benefit analysis, to the point that you’re mentally exhausted and not making good choices about anything by the time you get to the register (where, conveniently, you’ll find candy, cigarettes, and scratch-off tickets waiting for you).
But even smaller things than that count.
I’ve watched my partner spiral into a panic attack when I asked him what he wants for dinner.
I’ve broken down sobbing over someone asking me I want to do on my birthday, and I’ve shut down altogether over something as innocuous as what color I want my bed to be in minecraft.
Even the tiny, mundane, innocent choices just feel like they’re too big, too much, too overwhelming.
Like with a whole lot of mental health things, it’s incredibly difficult to do anything about this kind of thing if you don’t have the words for it or the means to explain it– and damn close to impossible to explain any of it when you’re in the thick of a bad episode. But once you have that language and understanding in place, things do get easier.
Because then you can get to the point where “I don’t know” and “I can’t make a decision right now” are perfectly acceptable answers that don’t require any further explanation.
And trust me, that takes a load off your shoulders.
It’s helped me to point out the REASON this happens, too–
in all things in life, I am aware that I am not able to keep all the details in my head. I know that if I have a list of four things I need to do, I will forget one or two; if i have a list of nine things to do, I will forget six or seven. I cannot hold that much detail in my head. It does not matter how badly I want to– in fact, the more badly I want to, the less likely I am to be able to do it. Nine things under pressure? I will forget eight. Possibly all nine.
The rest of the world, presented with a decision, can easily call up the details. “Pick a color? Oh yes, well, mom doesn’t like yellow, and I don’t like blue, but I know dad doesn’t mind green and won’t be mad if we pick it, so green it is.” Me, I can remember that Mom doesn’t like a color, I think it was yellow? I know I don’t like… uh was it green I didn’t like? I’m not sure– did Dad flip out? I don’t remember if Dad cares about colors, does he get mad if we pick something he doesn’t like? it’s too much, and the stakes are high, and I have to frantically scramble to try to remember at least one useful thing to help me make the decision, knowing that the harder I scramble, the less likely I am to hit on the actual relevant information. (Let’s pause here, as in my distraction and anxiety I plot out and perform an entire musical number about something unrelated.) What was I doing? Oh, fuck, right, I had to pick a color– you know, let’s just make it blue. And then I have a blue thing, which I remember, once I see it, that I hate, and the whole time I have this blue thing I hate I will constantly be reminded that I am terrible at making decisions. Layer that onto my whole life, and…
well, someone wants me to pick where to go for dinner, and I’m just going to list every kind of food I can think of and offer a neutral opinion on it, because fuck, I don’t remember what I like, I have never liked a thing, I can’t trust myself to like a thing because I’m probably remembering it wrong. (And this has happened! Sometimes the thing that sticks in my head and I blurt out first is there because I hated it last time, but since it’s the only thing I can remember, it’s the only one I can suggest. And when I say it’s the only thing I can remember, I mean I also don’t remember why I remember it, and won’t remember that I’m remembering it because i hate it until I have already arrived there and something else reminds me that I hate it.
Making decisions is a fucking prison and is hell and I would rather die than choose anything under duress ever.
ernmark:
I most often see executive dysfunction talked about in terms of not being able to make yourself do things. And that’s one of its manifestations, yes, but it’s not the only one. Another really big one that I see is something called Decision Fatigue. Making choices is an executive function, but each one that you make costs you something. The more complex they are, the more it costs– and if you’re already low on mental resources, even small choices can be completely overwhelming.
The example used most often is that of a courtroom judge, whose ability to fairly evaluate the cases they’re presiding over deteriorates during the day. Elsewhere I’ve seen the example of grocery shopping– when you’ve got a tight budget, every single item you look at requires complex cost-benefit analysis, to the point that you’re mentally exhausted and not making good choices about anything by the time you get to the register (where, conveniently, you’ll find candy, cigarettes, and scratch-off tickets waiting for you).
But even smaller things than that count.
I’ve watched my partner spiral into a panic attack when I asked him what he wants for dinner.
I’ve broken down sobbing over someone asking me I want to do on my birthday, and I’ve shut down altogether over something as innocuous as what color I want my bed to be in minecraft.
Even the tiny, mundane, innocent choices just feel like they’re too big, too much, too overwhelming.
Like with a whole lot of mental health things, it’s incredibly difficult to do anything about this kind of thing if you don’t have the words for it or the means to explain it– and damn close to impossible to explain any of it when you’re in the thick of a bad episode. But once you have that language and understanding in place, things do get easier.
Because then you can get to the point where “I don’t know” and “I can’t make a decision right now” are perfectly acceptable answers that don’t require any further explanation.
And trust me, that takes a load off your shoulders.
It’s helped me to point out the REASON this happens, too–
in all things in life, I am aware that I am not able to keep all the details in my head. I know that if I have a list of four things I need to do, I will forget one or two; if i have a list of nine things to do, I will forget six or seven. I cannot hold that much detail in my head. It does not matter how badly I want to– in fact, the more badly I want to, the less likely I am to be able to do it. Nine things under pressure? I will forget eight. Possibly all nine.
The rest of the world, presented with a decision, can easily call up the details. “Pick a color? Oh yes, well, mom doesn’t like yellow, and I don’t like blue, but I know dad doesn’t mind green and won’t be mad if we pick it, so green it is.” Me, I can remember that Mom doesn’t like a color, I think it was yellow? I know I don’t like… uh was it green I didn’t like? I’m not sure– did Dad flip out? I don’t remember if Dad cares about colors, does he get mad if we pick something he doesn’t like? it’s too much, and the stakes are high, and I have to frantically scramble to try to remember at least one useful thing to help me make the decision, knowing that the harder I scramble, the less likely I am to hit on the actual relevant information. (Let’s pause here, as in my distraction and anxiety I plot out and perform an entire musical number about something unrelated.) What was I doing? Oh, fuck, right, I had to pick a color– you know, let’s just make it blue. And then I have a blue thing, which I remember, once I see it, that I hate, and the whole time I have this blue thing I hate I will constantly be reminded that I am terrible at making decisions. Layer that onto my whole life, and…
well, someone wants me to pick where to go for dinner, and I’m just going to list every kind of food I can think of and offer a neutral opinion on it, because fuck, I don’t remember what I like, I have never liked a thing, I can’t trust myself to like a thing because I’m probably remembering it wrong. (And this has happened! Sometimes the thing that sticks in my head and I blurt out first is there because I hated it last time, but since it’s the only thing I can remember, it’s the only one I can suggest. And when I say it’s the only thing I can remember, I mean I also don’t remember why I remember it, and won’t remember that I’m remembering it because i hate it until I have already arrived there and something else reminds me that I hate it.
Making decisions is a fucking prison and is hell and I would rather die than choose anything under duress ever.
40-hour work week
Jan. 31st, 2020 09:20 amoh lord i am so spacy today.
i am so so so spaced-out
I woke up at 5:30 and got up and said oh good i can get shit done this morning, and then i didn't do that, and i'm not even sure where the time went, i didn't even really get sucked into tumblr, i just-- it was 7:30, suddenly.
i left the house 20 minutes early, accidentally. now i've been at work since... well now our cash register system shows you how long you've been clocked in and it says 45 minutes, so i've been here 45 minutes and i don't know what i've done in that time. i've been busy, i haven't just been scrolling some website or something, but i genuinely don't remember what i've been doing just now.
i really
I don't know
i really need a day of not being at this job! am i so weak now, I can't withstand several consecutive 40-hour work weeks? I don't know but it's been fucking hell. It is a constant struggle to keep my attention on even things I want to do, things I'm interested in-- and the fact that 99% of what I do is Desperately Boring And Fiddly is not helping.
You know that feeling where something is so boring it's actively painful? Yeah.
I'm just constantly tuned-out and I can't even talk myself through stuff the way i normally do. It's a lot. I'm overstuffed. I'm going to try doing a tiny bit of hand-sewing now while I'm unsupervised and hope the physical work helps me settle. I don't know. I know I've gotten things done this morning-- I definitely emptied the compost, in bare feet because shoes were too hard, fortunately the ground is frozen so I didn't get muddy. But there were fruit flies so it was Time.
I need to do a lot of things. I'm going to have to stay late today, maybe, to learn how to process black and white film. (There's no machine to do it, it has to be done by hand, so none of the old guys will do it. only young hipsters will do it. unfortunately the company owner, who lives in philly and doesn't know jack-shit about what we do all day, makes the store manager lay off all the hipsters every so often because he sees how many hours are on the payroll and freaks out. not understanding that we have a photo lab, which means there are things people have to do even when no customers are at the cash register, unlike at his location where he has a guy who stands around all day. so we're laying off the last hipster for the season, but we still need film developed, so i'm learning, even though i disappear every summer. fortunately the hipster is happy enough to teach me, otherwise i'd feel like a scab.)
I've really just got to Endure, which, I mean, it's fine, i won't remember most of today. I just have so many things i want to do tonight, because we're going to hang out with friends and have fun this weekend and if I don't do a lot of things tonight I won't be ready and it won't be fun and I'll be upset. I need to get my shit together enough to do that.
I really feel so weirdly spacey, though, like-- like I actually feel like something's missing behind my eyeballs. it's distressing in a way that being away-with-the-fairies, as I've been my whole life, isn't usually.
Ah, I did re-start my bullet journal, that burnt in October that I bought a replacement for in December that I've been carrying daily in my bag since this month started. So I'll try to write some things in there but I have, sigh, very little faith it'll work. but it might help some things! so I'll try it.
Fuck I just spaced out for half an hour. How the fuck is it almost ten o'clock. I haven't even downloaded today's orders. I've sewn half a dozen stitches in this shirt though, that's great. And I've apparently listened to an entire music album, but I only noticed one song.
I will make it through today and it'll be fine because I won't even remember it happened, it's fine.
update: HOW THE FUCK IS IT ELEVEN O'CLOCK
the caffeine is not working, not even a little bit
i am so so so spaced-out
I woke up at 5:30 and got up and said oh good i can get shit done this morning, and then i didn't do that, and i'm not even sure where the time went, i didn't even really get sucked into tumblr, i just-- it was 7:30, suddenly.
i left the house 20 minutes early, accidentally. now i've been at work since... well now our cash register system shows you how long you've been clocked in and it says 45 minutes, so i've been here 45 minutes and i don't know what i've done in that time. i've been busy, i haven't just been scrolling some website or something, but i genuinely don't remember what i've been doing just now.
i really
I don't know
i really need a day of not being at this job! am i so weak now, I can't withstand several consecutive 40-hour work weeks? I don't know but it's been fucking hell. It is a constant struggle to keep my attention on even things I want to do, things I'm interested in-- and the fact that 99% of what I do is Desperately Boring And Fiddly is not helping.
You know that feeling where something is so boring it's actively painful? Yeah.
I'm just constantly tuned-out and I can't even talk myself through stuff the way i normally do. It's a lot. I'm overstuffed. I'm going to try doing a tiny bit of hand-sewing now while I'm unsupervised and hope the physical work helps me settle. I don't know. I know I've gotten things done this morning-- I definitely emptied the compost, in bare feet because shoes were too hard, fortunately the ground is frozen so I didn't get muddy. But there were fruit flies so it was Time.
I need to do a lot of things. I'm going to have to stay late today, maybe, to learn how to process black and white film. (There's no machine to do it, it has to be done by hand, so none of the old guys will do it. only young hipsters will do it. unfortunately the company owner, who lives in philly and doesn't know jack-shit about what we do all day, makes the store manager lay off all the hipsters every so often because he sees how many hours are on the payroll and freaks out. not understanding that we have a photo lab, which means there are things people have to do even when no customers are at the cash register, unlike at his location where he has a guy who stands around all day. so we're laying off the last hipster for the season, but we still need film developed, so i'm learning, even though i disappear every summer. fortunately the hipster is happy enough to teach me, otherwise i'd feel like a scab.)
I've really just got to Endure, which, I mean, it's fine, i won't remember most of today. I just have so many things i want to do tonight, because we're going to hang out with friends and have fun this weekend and if I don't do a lot of things tonight I won't be ready and it won't be fun and I'll be upset. I need to get my shit together enough to do that.
I really feel so weirdly spacey, though, like-- like I actually feel like something's missing behind my eyeballs. it's distressing in a way that being away-with-the-fairies, as I've been my whole life, isn't usually.
Ah, I did re-start my bullet journal, that burnt in October that I bought a replacement for in December that I've been carrying daily in my bag since this month started. So I'll try to write some things in there but I have, sigh, very little faith it'll work. but it might help some things! so I'll try it.
Fuck I just spaced out for half an hour. How the fuck is it almost ten o'clock. I haven't even downloaded today's orders. I've sewn half a dozen stitches in this shirt though, that's great. And I've apparently listened to an entire music album, but I only noticed one song.
I will make it through today and it'll be fine because I won't even remember it happened, it's fine.
update: HOW THE FUCK IS IT ELEVEN O'CLOCK
the caffeine is not working, not even a little bit
i never was good at titles
Jan. 15th, 2020 04:01 amvia https://ift.tt/2QUtOji
I absolutely hyperfocused and wikipedia-spiraled at work today except it wasn’t wikipedia, it was some bizarre website about Norse history, and it was only after I’d been reading article after article that I manually truncated the URL to find out what the fuck I was binging on and discovered it was the personal website of some weeaboo only for Viking stuff kinda guy, but it had really good cited sources and a ton of original photography and research on it, and anyway. I also watched a bunch of videos on turf building construction.
No, I’m not going to build a Viking longhouse to replace the yurt, but only because I don’t fancy trying to figure out what kind of turf would be suitable in this ecosystem.
And no I’m not going to write a novel about Vikings but I am absolutely going to write a fantasy novel loosely based on the colonization of Iceland only set, like, in the future. Adding it to the list.
I also finished editing and posting all the Iceland photos but I opted to make a comprehensive album that contains all the photos and therefore it’s not actually like… artistic merit like I usually do for photo selection, so there are some stunners but there are also like videos of the back of an airplane seat and stuff. I tried to make them chronological, that was my concession to logic. I’m just going to post a few of the highlights one at a time on Instagram probably.
I have done all of the cooking this week but at least dude has done several of the dishes?
I’ve seen posts about chore charts going around and I’m seriously contemplating getting one. Not just because so much of the shit I do is absolutely invisible to him, but also because I think surely he must do more around the house than I realize, and if we put it on a chart I wouldn’t feel so miserably alone in what feels like my single-handed attempt not to live like an animal all the time.
I need to buy myself a new dayplanner to replace the one I had actually been intermittently using for ten months when it caught fire. I still have its charred corpse shedding cinders onto the back porch carpet, I’ll have to steel myself and discard it soon but I want to look and see if there’s anything left but I can’t bring myself to so it’s just ashes everywhere. Sigh. (Yes, I found identifiable charred pages in the wreckage and salvaged them but that was really mostly just self-torturing of me.)
I’ve never used a dayplanner past March before, but it almost feels like a judgement against me to have this happen to it that one time.
(That’s not true, I had a dayplanner in Scotland, and lost it on a train, along with every bit of journaling I’d done about my first romantic relationship, and that was just really sad, and it took me a few years to try to pick up the habit again and by then I’d forgotten how that sort of thing works.)
I absolutely hyperfocused and wikipedia-spiraled at work today except it wasn’t wikipedia, it was some bizarre website about Norse history, and it was only after I’d been reading article after article that I manually truncated the URL to find out what the fuck I was binging on and discovered it was the personal website of some weeaboo only for Viking stuff kinda guy, but it had really good cited sources and a ton of original photography and research on it, and anyway. I also watched a bunch of videos on turf building construction.
No, I’m not going to build a Viking longhouse to replace the yurt, but only because I don’t fancy trying to figure out what kind of turf would be suitable in this ecosystem.
And no I’m not going to write a novel about Vikings but I am absolutely going to write a fantasy novel loosely based on the colonization of Iceland only set, like, in the future. Adding it to the list.
I also finished editing and posting all the Iceland photos but I opted to make a comprehensive album that contains all the photos and therefore it’s not actually like… artistic merit like I usually do for photo selection, so there are some stunners but there are also like videos of the back of an airplane seat and stuff. I tried to make them chronological, that was my concession to logic. I’m just going to post a few of the highlights one at a time on Instagram probably.
I have done all of the cooking this week but at least dude has done several of the dishes?
I’ve seen posts about chore charts going around and I’m seriously contemplating getting one. Not just because so much of the shit I do is absolutely invisible to him, but also because I think surely he must do more around the house than I realize, and if we put it on a chart I wouldn’t feel so miserably alone in what feels like my single-handed attempt not to live like an animal all the time.
I need to buy myself a new dayplanner to replace the one I had actually been intermittently using for ten months when it caught fire. I still have its charred corpse shedding cinders onto the back porch carpet, I’ll have to steel myself and discard it soon but I want to look and see if there’s anything left but I can’t bring myself to so it’s just ashes everywhere. Sigh. (Yes, I found identifiable charred pages in the wreckage and salvaged them but that was really mostly just self-torturing of me.)
I’ve never used a dayplanner past March before, but it almost feels like a judgement against me to have this happen to it that one time.
(That’s not true, I had a dayplanner in Scotland, and lost it on a train, along with every bit of journaling I’d done about my first romantic relationship, and that was just really sad, and it took me a few years to try to pick up the habit again and by then I’d forgotten how that sort of thing works.)
did i decide on camera equipment?
Dec. 28th, 2019 05:02 pmvia https://ift.tt/2SAvGyQ
did I hell.
No, I made a Kindle cover out of scrap canvas, sheet remnants, and an old sock, with a piece of a plastic lid in it for structural integrity.
It’s not done though, I still have to sew it together, and it’d be easiest probably if I did that by hand so I’m gonna. Oh, it doesn’t have any closures, and I’ve got to add in loops to hold the Kindle inside it.
So I didn’t even really make the thing. I have like six tutorials open in tabs, too, and used none of them, nor did I use a measuring implement at any point. … I’m really a special person, I truly am, and it’s not done and I’m not sure it’s usable.
OK I need to like. Re-evaluate. Also I think I’m gonna stick another chunk of plastic lid in there so it’s stiff from both sides because I’d rather do it that way. I wish I’d put some cable ties in the spine, but I don’t know where I stashed them. It’ll be fine, it’s fine without, really. Oh but if I could find one I could put it under where the spine attaches to the front and get the same effect… hmm!
Well. I really should be deciding about that camera equipment…
did I hell.
No, I made a Kindle cover out of scrap canvas, sheet remnants, and an old sock, with a piece of a plastic lid in it for structural integrity.
It’s not done though, I still have to sew it together, and it’d be easiest probably if I did that by hand so I’m gonna. Oh, it doesn’t have any closures, and I’ve got to add in loops to hold the Kindle inside it.
So I didn’t even really make the thing. I have like six tutorials open in tabs, too, and used none of them, nor did I use a measuring implement at any point. … I’m really a special person, I truly am, and it’s not done and I’m not sure it’s usable.
OK I need to like. Re-evaluate. Also I think I’m gonna stick another chunk of plastic lid in there so it’s stiff from both sides because I’d rather do it that way. I wish I’d put some cable ties in the spine, but I don’t know where I stashed them. It’ll be fine, it’s fine without, really. Oh but if I could find one I could put it under where the spine attaches to the front and get the same effect… hmm!
Well. I really should be deciding about that camera equipment…
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stormslesbian:
does anyone else w/ adhd think about time passing as like, losing time until the next event like “oh i only have 30 minutes until i need to leave for work” vs “i have 30 minutes to do what i need to do before i leave for work”? like i constantly feel like i’m fighting time passing and getting closer to when i’m ‘out of time’ is really stressful
__________________
oh my gosh yes. I am an ADHD person who is Extremely Punctual for everything because I always leave twice as long as I think I’ll need, etc. And I know that if I start a new task I run the risk of getting sucked in and then not doing the Thing I Need To Do At [Time]. I’m jealous of my sister, who is a mom and business owner and is an absolute master of “I have to do something in five minutes? I’ll do this task that will take me four minutes and fifty-four seconds, no problem” and it WORKS for her EVERY TIME. Meanwhile I’ve been standing in the corner fidgeting and watching the clock for fifteen minutes already because I noticed the time twenty minutes before [time] and was afraid to try to start anything new then. I have 1) no idea how long anything takes, and 2) horrible anxiety about Inadvertent Hyperfocus, which is probably justified because at the end of any given day I couldn’t tell you what I was doing for probably ten hours of it, non-consecutively; time just Goes, sometimes, and I don’t know where it went or what happened but it sure did go by.
But by God I have never once been late for work or school in my entire life. I just… haven’t done anything with myself in all that time.
stormslesbian:
does anyone else w/ adhd think about time passing as like, losing time until the next event like “oh i only have 30 minutes until i need to leave for work” vs “i have 30 minutes to do what i need to do before i leave for work”? like i constantly feel like i’m fighting time passing and getting closer to when i’m ‘out of time’ is really stressful
__________________
oh my gosh yes. I am an ADHD person who is Extremely Punctual for everything because I always leave twice as long as I think I’ll need, etc. And I know that if I start a new task I run the risk of getting sucked in and then not doing the Thing I Need To Do At [Time]. I’m jealous of my sister, who is a mom and business owner and is an absolute master of “I have to do something in five minutes? I’ll do this task that will take me four minutes and fifty-four seconds, no problem” and it WORKS for her EVERY TIME. Meanwhile I’ve been standing in the corner fidgeting and watching the clock for fifteen minutes already because I noticed the time twenty minutes before [time] and was afraid to try to start anything new then. I have 1) no idea how long anything takes, and 2) horrible anxiety about Inadvertent Hyperfocus, which is probably justified because at the end of any given day I couldn’t tell you what I was doing for probably ten hours of it, non-consecutively; time just Goes, sometimes, and I don’t know where it went or what happened but it sure did go by.
But by God I have never once been late for work or school in my entire life. I just… haven’t done anything with myself in all that time.
via http://ift.tt/1QjtTqg:
I have a bunch more Full of Grace material, not totally organized. I had to put it onto hiatus for various December reasons, and I partly killed my momentum beating myself up for not ever quite finishing the last chapter of Facepunch. So those are a Thing, and have pushpins stuck in them, but I have immediate plans to return to both as soon as this new thing (actually there are two new Things, one being Star Wars and the other being as-yet undiscussed) is beaten into a semblance of shape, enough so that I know I can walk away and it won’t fall over while I’m gone.
So– I don’t have a schedule, because precisely what I thought would happen if I let myself start a new fandom has happened– namely, it ate me headfirst and screaming– but someone bribed me with an art collaboration and I plumb lost my head. (As one does. Hey. I don’t get a lot of offers.)
But I do have a priority list in my head, and I haven’t said several of the major things I wanted to with FOG. Although another source of hesitation is that I’m about to take a plot twist there and I’m sort of thinking I should consider marking one story complete and starting another? I’d meant to about 20k ago– so– there’s that too. There’s organizational stuff to ponder.
Which is why I haven’t posted any Star Wars. It’s got to organize itself too, and I’m rather pleased actually at my own restraint, because spending another little while organizing it means I can do craaaazy things like actually foreshadowing plot twists and setting up emotional resolutions and stuff, instead of just blindsiding the reader all the damn time.
I have a bunch more Full of Grace material, not totally organized. I had to put it onto hiatus for various December reasons, and I partly killed my momentum beating myself up for not ever quite finishing the last chapter of Facepunch. So those are a Thing, and have pushpins stuck in them, but I have immediate plans to return to both as soon as this new thing (actually there are two new Things, one being Star Wars and the other being as-yet undiscussed) is beaten into a semblance of shape, enough so that I know I can walk away and it won’t fall over while I’m gone.
So– I don’t have a schedule, because precisely what I thought would happen if I let myself start a new fandom has happened– namely, it ate me headfirst and screaming– but someone bribed me with an art collaboration and I plumb lost my head. (As one does. Hey. I don’t get a lot of offers.)
But I do have a priority list in my head, and I haven’t said several of the major things I wanted to with FOG. Although another source of hesitation is that I’m about to take a plot twist there and I’m sort of thinking I should consider marking one story complete and starting another? I’d meant to about 20k ago– so– there’s that too. There’s organizational stuff to ponder.
Which is why I haven’t posted any Star Wars. It’s got to organize itself too, and I’m rather pleased actually at my own restraint, because spending another little while organizing it means I can do craaaazy things like actually foreshadowing plot twists and setting up emotional resolutions and stuff, instead of just blindsiding the reader all the damn time.
