via https://ift.tt/2XXXMFN
sigh i made it through a night alone without doing anything too horribly
feral, though when dude came back after i’d left for work he was like “why
does it smell funny in here”(i burned incense because I can’t do that when
he’s around). he’s retrieving his stuff from his mom’s but might stay
isolated in the guest room tonight. maybe i’ll just. wear a mask in my
house. idk.
but. the coworker who was exposed still doesn’t have symptoms or a positive
result, so i feel like my exposure risk is low, so– but it’s up to Dude
what level of risk he’s comfortable with, I guess– and just–
[cut for venting/dithering]
another coworker was like “well if you’re worried enough that your guy
moved out of the house why are you at work?” and i didn’t have a snappy
answer, but 1) we wear masks at work, not while sleeping, I’ll be better at
keeping my mask on than the exposed coworker was? 2) i don’t get paid days
off so there’s no way in fucking hell I’m staying home and 3) without
Exposed Coworker here there’s nobody to do the work only the two of us know
how to do, and also 4) Other Coworker (my supervisor) needed today off and
I have to come in, there’s time-sensitive stuff only he and I know how to
do, so there cannot be a day when neither of us comes in.
and i make minimum wage, clearly i am not important (if i pointed this out
to anyone at work they’d be like whatever! you’re not important! why work
so hard! and then later would talk shit about how i don’t work hard, it’s
not like i’m new here and don’t know exactly how this goes)
anyway today featured me running around like an asshole trying to get
Everything Done and then in the midst of it the coworker I used to complain
about on here, the one who drove me insane and with whom I literally had a
physical altercation in like, 2012? i don’t remember, anyway– she shows up
with her husband and child to take family portraits in the studio? but what
she does is sits her ass down directly in the open doorway of my office
(next to the studio), not having noticed me, and takes her mask off, and
then proceeds to change her infant’s diaper directly on the industrial
carpeting of my doorway. Like, no changing mat!!!!!! Just right on the
floor! (and as she gets the diaper off she’s like “oh no poop? I thought
there was poop!” Jesus fucking Christ)
So it’s good to know idiot coworker has not only not gotten any smarter,
but has also bred. Fucking– great. Anyway one of her salient features that
made working with her so delightful was an incredibly shrill and
penetrating voice, and she then spent the next hour with her diaper bag
blockading my doorway (I had said hi! She knew I was there! She did not
care, obviously, though i was trying to be pleasant.) while in the next
room, she SHRIEKED cutesy things at her baby to get it to make faces or
something idk, nonstop, for an hour. Anyway.
(Like, as a person who is often herself shrill, I wouldn’t judge someone
just for their voice? but when someone is Bad then them having a Real
Distinct voice really really really only makes it way worse.)
Stressed me the fuck out, which was some good intel on my level of like,
fucking trauma from that era of my life. I already was avoiding news sites
today because I can’t take any suspense; a kind soul was posting updates on
the major milestones of the inauguration because I literally could not
stomach the thought of opening Twitter.
So I’m a fucking wreck. I decided in the midst of all this that a good
coping mechanism would be to post another fic chapter, and then stressed
myself the fuck out coming up with a new work title because my genius brain
decided we needed to split the story here, and it took me two hours to post
it.
BUT.
I’ve been getting lovely comments ever since, which was what I
wanted/needed, so.
At times like this I wish weed were 1) legal and 2) at all effective for
me, but like, 1) no so 1a) i don’t have any so 2) it only makes me more
anxious anyway.
I actually deliberately attempted to make myself cry last night hoping it
would help but the little I managed Did Not, so. I’m a fucking wreck,
that’s all. This, as so many things, shall pass, and I’ll keep on keeping
on as I normally do.
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