dragonlady7

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oh my fucking god

oh my god

i finally, at 5:45 this morning as the little boy in the next bedroom woke up Super Early and started singing and slamming doors, finished the big Triss/Eskel scene which has literally taken me weeks to write and i reread it and it’s like… 5k words long… why was that so difficult… it took me so fucking long. i don’t even know if it’s good or conveyed what i wanted it to, but i just. it was so much. it’s blown any pretense of an “update schedule” right out of the fucking water, single-handedly, but i was determined that if this scene didn’t happen now, i couldn’t really justify myself as any kind of, something. 

anyway now i’ve realized that the scene i wrote a month ago that was going to come next won’t work so i need another filler scene and a new POV so now i have to do that but since it’s not a sex scene i can hopefully fly through it and maybe update ancient sea before people forget it exists or die of despair. 

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meanderings0ul replied to your post “ineptshieldmaid replied to your post “msilverstar replied to your…”

Not sure what this adds, but as someone who’s spent a couple years mostly writing M/F who is really only into the F part of that, that is also an Experience. Mainly because some of the M char I literally have to go read others describing their charms and extrapolate cause I’m a big ol’ ?

I guess it really boils down to fundamentally cihet folks seem to read M/F stuff as ‘i am attracted to x and wish I was getting what y is getting’ so if that dynamic in the char pov isn’t there some of them get ??? about it, but that is definitely not the queer experience of reading and writing it.

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Yeah, I think you’re not wrong on that dynamic– the point is not necessarily to self-insert, but like. it’s for sure way closer to that for a lot of people than it is for my sometimes-borderline-what’s-that-ace-spec-thing-where-you-like-sex-but-not-for-you? autochorissexual, that’s it. my sometimes-borderline-autochorissexual ass. I absolutely do not want to read sex with me in it!! and i Get that’s not typical but it’s so hard to understand such a fundamentally different POV, y’know?? Which is another angle of queerness, I think. But yeah, it’s gotta be quite different to be monosexual in either direction, and I just don’t know what that’s like well enough to fully imagine it. 

And I have that problem you describe too sometimes– not specifically with M, but with just, characters in general, I definitely go through phases where I am Too Ace to write porn but I really want to read porn and the porn I want nobody else has written, so I have to psych myself up to write it with other people’s descriptions. 

(It’s weird how this doesn’t necessarily coincide with the phases in my actual RL sex life, which are largely governed by sheer geography. It’s all very weird and I haven’t done any analysis on it. Suffice to say that while my RL sex life definitely affects the fic I write, there’s a lot of stuff I write that I am Not Actually Into, for the record. Porn does a lot of heavy lifting in my life that doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with real sex, for the record. Which is probably another thing that varies really widely by reader and is sort of interesting but also probably impossible to describe.)
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ineptshieldmaid replied to your post “ineptshieldmaid replied to your post “msilverstar replied to your…”

Related: an exceedingly rare variety of Fictional Man and also real man is ‘man who realises his dick has its charms but dexterity and forearm strength is what he’s really got to offer here’
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MY FAVORITE CATEGORY OF FICTIONAL DUDE. I mean not all the time, but I definitely have characters whose main, like, characterization note is their slowness to deploy actual cock, as opposed to literally anything else. I think my entire Lost Kings saga was an excuse to write porn featuring that guy. IDK, I love that dynamic, it’s the best.

It’s not that I don’t like my stories with M in them to have cock! I do! I just. It’s like. Sometimes it’s optional.

(IRL I admit to a certain overwhelming fondness for a sexual partner who is clearly Super Into my enjoyment of stuff, but not one who is like, keeping a scorecard of orgasms because he’s gonna get a free prize once he fills up the punchcard, no thanks. Like, a partner who really genuinely wholeheartedly gets off on my sexual pleasure, that is awesome, but not one who’s like ok I put the coins in the Orgasm slot when do I get my Validation?? Prove my prowess!! … Like, no, buddy, you need a therapist for that, not pussy.)