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dragonlady7via https://ift.tt/2Ilyp9e
ernmark:
I most often see executive dysfunction talked about in terms of not being able to make yourself do things. And that’s one of its manifestations, yes, but it’s not the only one. Another really big one that I see is something called Decision Fatigue. Making choices is an executive function, but each one that you make costs you something. The more complex they are, the more it costs– and if you’re already low on mental resources, even small choices can be completely overwhelming.
The example used most often is that of a courtroom judge, whose ability to fairly evaluate the cases they’re presiding over deteriorates during the day. Elsewhere I’ve seen the example of grocery shopping– when you’ve got a tight budget, every single item you look at requires complex cost-benefit analysis, to the point that you’re mentally exhausted and not making good choices about anything by the time you get to the register (where, conveniently, you’ll find candy, cigarettes, and scratch-off tickets waiting for you).
But even smaller things than that count.
I’ve watched my partner spiral into a panic attack when I asked him what he wants for dinner.
I’ve broken down sobbing over someone asking me I want to do on my birthday, and I’ve shut down altogether over something as innocuous as what color I want my bed to be in minecraft.
Even the tiny, mundane, innocent choices just feel like they’re too big, too much, too overwhelming.
Like with a whole lot of mental health things, it’s incredibly difficult to do anything about this kind of thing if you don’t have the words for it or the means to explain it– and damn close to impossible to explain any of it when you’re in the thick of a bad episode. But once you have that language and understanding in place, things do get easier.
Because then you can get to the point where “I don’t know” and “I can’t make a decision right now” are perfectly acceptable answers that don’t require any further explanation.
And trust me, that takes a load off your shoulders.
It’s helped me to point out the REASON this happens, too–
in all things in life, I am aware that I am not able to keep all the details in my head. I know that if I have a list of four things I need to do, I will forget one or two; if i have a list of nine things to do, I will forget six or seven. I cannot hold that much detail in my head. It does not matter how badly I want to– in fact, the more badly I want to, the less likely I am to be able to do it. Nine things under pressure? I will forget eight. Possibly all nine.
The rest of the world, presented with a decision, can easily call up the details. “Pick a color? Oh yes, well, mom doesn’t like yellow, and I don’t like blue, but I know dad doesn’t mind green and won’t be mad if we pick it, so green it is.” Me, I can remember that Mom doesn’t like a color, I think it was yellow? I know I don’t like… uh was it green I didn’t like? I’m not sure– did Dad flip out? I don’t remember if Dad cares about colors, does he get mad if we pick something he doesn’t like? it’s too much, and the stakes are high, and I have to frantically scramble to try to remember at least one useful thing to help me make the decision, knowing that the harder I scramble, the less likely I am to hit on the actual relevant information. (Let’s pause here, as in my distraction and anxiety I plot out and perform an entire musical number about something unrelated.) What was I doing? Oh, fuck, right, I had to pick a color– you know, let’s just make it blue. And then I have a blue thing, which I remember, once I see it, that I hate, and the whole time I have this blue thing I hate I will constantly be reminded that I am terrible at making decisions. Layer that onto my whole life, and…
well, someone wants me to pick where to go for dinner, and I’m just going to list every kind of food I can think of and offer a neutral opinion on it, because fuck, I don’t remember what I like, I have never liked a thing, I can’t trust myself to like a thing because I’m probably remembering it wrong. (And this has happened! Sometimes the thing that sticks in my head and I blurt out first is there because I hated it last time, but since it’s the only thing I can remember, it’s the only one I can suggest. And when I say it’s the only thing I can remember, I mean I also don’t remember why I remember it, and won’t remember that I’m remembering it because i hate it until I have already arrived there and something else reminds me that I hate it.
Making decisions is a fucking prison and is hell and I would rather die than choose anything under duress ever.
ernmark:
I most often see executive dysfunction talked about in terms of not being able to make yourself do things. And that’s one of its manifestations, yes, but it’s not the only one. Another really big one that I see is something called Decision Fatigue. Making choices is an executive function, but each one that you make costs you something. The more complex they are, the more it costs– and if you’re already low on mental resources, even small choices can be completely overwhelming.
The example used most often is that of a courtroom judge, whose ability to fairly evaluate the cases they’re presiding over deteriorates during the day. Elsewhere I’ve seen the example of grocery shopping– when you’ve got a tight budget, every single item you look at requires complex cost-benefit analysis, to the point that you’re mentally exhausted and not making good choices about anything by the time you get to the register (where, conveniently, you’ll find candy, cigarettes, and scratch-off tickets waiting for you).
But even smaller things than that count.
I’ve watched my partner spiral into a panic attack when I asked him what he wants for dinner.
I’ve broken down sobbing over someone asking me I want to do on my birthday, and I’ve shut down altogether over something as innocuous as what color I want my bed to be in minecraft.
Even the tiny, mundane, innocent choices just feel like they’re too big, too much, too overwhelming.
Like with a whole lot of mental health things, it’s incredibly difficult to do anything about this kind of thing if you don’t have the words for it or the means to explain it– and damn close to impossible to explain any of it when you’re in the thick of a bad episode. But once you have that language and understanding in place, things do get easier.
Because then you can get to the point where “I don’t know” and “I can’t make a decision right now” are perfectly acceptable answers that don’t require any further explanation.
And trust me, that takes a load off your shoulders.
It’s helped me to point out the REASON this happens, too–
in all things in life, I am aware that I am not able to keep all the details in my head. I know that if I have a list of four things I need to do, I will forget one or two; if i have a list of nine things to do, I will forget six or seven. I cannot hold that much detail in my head. It does not matter how badly I want to– in fact, the more badly I want to, the less likely I am to be able to do it. Nine things under pressure? I will forget eight. Possibly all nine.
The rest of the world, presented with a decision, can easily call up the details. “Pick a color? Oh yes, well, mom doesn’t like yellow, and I don’t like blue, but I know dad doesn’t mind green and won’t be mad if we pick it, so green it is.” Me, I can remember that Mom doesn’t like a color, I think it was yellow? I know I don’t like… uh was it green I didn’t like? I’m not sure– did Dad flip out? I don’t remember if Dad cares about colors, does he get mad if we pick something he doesn’t like? it’s too much, and the stakes are high, and I have to frantically scramble to try to remember at least one useful thing to help me make the decision, knowing that the harder I scramble, the less likely I am to hit on the actual relevant information. (Let’s pause here, as in my distraction and anxiety I plot out and perform an entire musical number about something unrelated.) What was I doing? Oh, fuck, right, I had to pick a color– you know, let’s just make it blue. And then I have a blue thing, which I remember, once I see it, that I hate, and the whole time I have this blue thing I hate I will constantly be reminded that I am terrible at making decisions. Layer that onto my whole life, and…
well, someone wants me to pick where to go for dinner, and I’m just going to list every kind of food I can think of and offer a neutral opinion on it, because fuck, I don’t remember what I like, I have never liked a thing, I can’t trust myself to like a thing because I’m probably remembering it wrong. (And this has happened! Sometimes the thing that sticks in my head and I blurt out first is there because I hated it last time, but since it’s the only thing I can remember, it’s the only one I can suggest. And when I say it’s the only thing I can remember, I mean I also don’t remember why I remember it, and won’t remember that I’m remembering it because i hate it until I have already arrived there and something else reminds me that I hate it.
Making decisions is a fucking prison and is hell and I would rather die than choose anything under duress ever.
