i don’t know your life

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So one of the inside-joke catchphrases Dude and I have built up in our mmm 19? years of cohabitating is “I don’t know your life”, which at this point is hilariously inaccurate. Just now I was complaining about how I got so much cat hair on me and he was like “I don’t know your life” and I was like you are literally witnessing my life right this moment. But anyway.

“Where did that phrase come from?” I asked, trying to remember when we started saying it.

“New Jersey,” he said.

“Where in New Jersey?” I asked. We first lived together in Jersey City in 2002.

“Fried chicken place,” he said. “I was in line. Lady ahead of me, there by herself, ordered like, a vast bucket of chicken. Cashier absently said for here or to go, lady went off on her about how she thought she was gonna eat all that right here on her own. Cashier, unimpressed, looked at her, and said, I don’t know your life. Kinda stuck with me.”

It’s a good phrase but at this point in our acquaintance it’s… not… true, anymore. (Your picture was not posted)

GET TO KNOW FOLKS MEME

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Thanks to ghostalservice https://tmblr.co/mLc9nz7zzp6AZBuqX_ibHaw for the tag! I never do these but why not!

Name: B Relationship status: going on year 19 of non-marriage with Dude Favorite color: blue, but I also really like rainbows Pets: my princess of a cat, Chita Rivera Favorite food: while mostly I enjoy home-cooked food made largely of vegetables and such, I have an unhealthy obsession with Cadbury Creme Eggs Coke or Pepsi: I mean, Coke, but really only very occasionally and as a vehicle for either Jack Daniels or Jameson Day or night: I’m sort of crepuscular really, I wake up before dawn a lot Chapstick or Lipstick: I would love to be the kind of person who wears lipstick but since it comes off right away there seems to be no point, so, neither. Text or Call: listen spoken-out-loud words go right through my head and vanish, so while I’m happy to chat with people, as soon as I hang up, I will have forgotten what was said, so honestly I’d prefer all important communications to be in a text-based format please Last song I listened to: I can’t remember what I last listened to on purpose but yesterday the high school across the street had (we looked it up on their website) their annual Mother/Son Social Event and so they cranked up the sound system from 2pm until 8pm with a bizarre assortment of pop songs (idk would you booty-pop with your mom? if you were a high school Catholic boy?) and the last song of the night that I could identify (I couldn’t hear anything else, it’s louder in my house than in their auditorium I think) was Usher’s Yeah https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GxBSyx85Kp8. Fun fact: That was the chart-topper the last time Brood X hatched, 17 years ago. Favorite band/artist/groups: I can never do all-times on these ones, but I was pumped to recently discover that Rhiannon Giddens just put out a new album. Here’s the title track: They’re Calling Me Home https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3siE2xbVD34 Any hobbies/passions: mostly i write fic and drive back and forth to my sister’s farm where I do assorted farm tasks including work on the processing line in her poulty slaughterhouse. My other big hobby for this year is going to be uhh building a tiny house, to live in while at said farm, I just put down a down payment on the roofing supplies so Big Yikes on that. I don’t know how to build a thing but my brother in law swears he does so we’ll see how this goes. (I do believe him. I just don’t believe in the logistics of it. But I’m willing to go along for the ride.)

Ooh i’m supposed to tag people. Thing is I’m never sure who on here is trying v hard not to have any kind of like… personal… existence… but why not?? None of this is super revealing right?

Well, if you think it would be fun, I’ll tag akilah12902 https://tmblr.co/mmG9gp3S698rFJImW-pcxgg, mikkeneko https://tmblr.co/mQinCuAEZN8fzW1FQO_b2Vg, jackclaw https://tmblr.co/mAHD74KhhNEeMvCZNsIM3qg, mxbuster https://tmblr.co/mxPOsSIDZ4gzeczgQrGxXew– I mean, anybody else who sees this and wants to do it should, it’s easy to get lost in reblogs on this here webbed site and never see anything new. <3 (Your picture was not posted)

return receipt

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bomberqueen17 https://bomberqueen17.tumblr.com/post/651262508032737280/return-receipt:

so i sent something certified mail return receipt. the postal counter worker was like “oh get electronic receipt, it saves you a dollar seventy five” over, presumably, them mailing me a receipt. (This isn’t a thing I’ve done often.) so i said “sure”. i just now was like how do I get the electronic receipt? so I dug out the receipt to look at it. go online for delivery information, it says. so i look online. there’s all this information about the certified mail service. but there it explains, they email you the receipt.

if I did not give the counter person an email address, then how am I to access this receipt?

Well, it’s a mystery. Possibly someone has been emailed about whether this Very Important Document arrived or not, but I sure haven’t been. I remain baffled as to how this was meant to work.

And hopeful that since I mailed this thing on the third of May it’s really been there for quite a while by now. 😬

oh yeah pro tip the certified mail receipts have a tracking number preprinted on them. I was looking in the bits that the mail clerk’s printer printed on there when I bought it, but no, the tracking number’s already on there and is down the left edge.

Shoutout to my ADHD for totally dismissing that extremely distinctly formatted series of five sets of four digit numbers as decoration! It’s not like I deal with USPS tracking numbers on a daily basis at my office job, or anything.

Anyway I put it in and

It cost me six dollars to mail this letter a grand total of twelve miles with a postmark of May 5th, and I checked this status as of May 16th so that’s now nine days in transit excluding Sundays and the status hasn’t been updated in seven days excluding Sundays, and in conclusion I would like you to write to your Congressperson about Louis DeJoy potentially being executed by firing squad after a rigorous trial including the repayment of reparations, thank you very much; I don’t know that this is his fault per se but an awful lot is so it would help, I think.

(I have about three thousand dollars riding on this letter, with notary stamp affixed, arriving to its destination so I’m. Well. Trying to be calm about it, is all.) (Your picture was not posted)

salamanderinspace:when you click size chart[image description: two screenshots of an Amazon product.

much, this is my life also, ableism, sizeism, ridiculousness, fuck this so much

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salamanderinspace https://salamanderinspace.tumblr.com/post/651194887780384768:

when you click size chart

[image description: two screenshots of an Amazon product listing for a plus-sized women’s shirt. The size in the drop-down is 3x. the next screen has the size chart popped up. it goes from S-XL and has absolutely no information about what 3x means.] (Your picture was not posted)