Dec. 22nd, 2020

dragonlady7: self-portrait but it's mostly the DSLR in my hands in the mirror (Default)

capitalism, solarpunk fantasies really, what i want is to be free

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forgotn1 https://forgotn1.tumblr.com/post/631022326457253888/hypeswap-hypeswap-adhd-just-makes-your :

hypeswap https://hypeswap.tumblr.com/post/629898265581797376/hypeswap-adhd-just-makes-your-really-bad-at :

hypeswap https://hypeswap.tumblr.com/post/629897414575341568/adhd-just-makes-your-really-bad-at-capitalism :

adhd just makes your really bad at capitalism, unfortunately

like bro i am just floating in a bubble detached from the flow of time and you want me to work 8 hour shifts?

I am built to sit up from sundown to sunup with minimal food and less light watching for intruders or little animals that I can kill. That requires very little of what would actually be called work and a whole lot of just zoning out because my eyes and ears are naturally attuned to picking up and focusing on changes to the environment. I am not built for the 9 to 5 office world, Janet. Unless your job requires me to persistence hunt Mark for sport.

no, i wasn’t built for persistence hunting, particularly.

i was built to be part of a small tribe or pod. i was built to live with my parents and my sisters, and to be surrounded by babies, siblings and cousins and my own children, all together with their aunties and uncles and grandparents and extended family. i was built to participate in collective labor, where some collection of the elders tell us when the time has come for various things and then a work party of us goes to do the work, and some of us do the heavy lifting and some of us do the lighter but fiddly stuff that takes skill, and some of us do the childcare, and some of us make supper and some of us are there to be comic relief and nobody minds who does the most work, everyone’s in on it because there is enough to go around if we all pitch in what we can, and everyone reaps the benefits at the feast later, and come winter we’ve stored enough to survive while the earth sleeps. Time is in waves, seasons and daybreak and sunset, and decisions are made collectively, and if I can’t fucking tell time it doesn’t matter because I am in context with my society. If I am terrible at seeing a task through, that’s fine, because I am in context with my sister who is ruthless about seeing a task through but loves me and thinks I’m funny and will keep me from working myself to death on the wrong task because I got distracted, and we will come home in good time for supper because she will notice the passage of time.

It’s not that capitalism is bad for ADHD specifically, it is that capitalism is designed to fracture us into smaller units, to make us self-sufficient because we’re easier to control that way. If we could have enough, and could afford to stay in context in our own societies, and could live according to the rhythms of the seasons instead of the tyranny of the artificial clock, and could share alike within our family groups and not have to fracture apart into Rugged Individuals, then there would be time and space for our Unproductive Tendencies that capitalism pathologizes to be incorporated into a whole society. It isn’t that no one would need medication, it isn’t that some of our conditions wouldn’t still be debilitating, but if we were free to care for one another and could love one another without the bite of scarcity and the Expectations Of Individual Productivity overtaking all of it, we’d be able to keep more of us alive and separate our individual worth from what we Produce and put it back into context where every person in our family has their own intrinsic worth as a person, and as a part of the whole, and everyone works as hard as they need to and rests as much as they need to and consumes according to their needs and desires and it doesn’t all have to satisfy some outsider’s balance sheet.

[disclaimer etc this is heavily simplified and i am not addressing some issues but all the threads about this on both sides are also heavily simplified so there] (Your picture was not posted)

dragonlady7: self-portrait but it's mostly the DSLR in my hands in the mirror (Default)

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mom sent dad’s obituary to us all proofread and the last line is “Due to stupid Covid, the family will have a private service, with interment to follow at [cemetery] when it is safe.”

That is 100% my mom’s phrasing. (Your picture was not posted)

dragonlady7: self-portrait but it's mostly the DSLR in my hands in the mirror (Default)

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bomberqueen17 https://bomberqueen17.tumblr.com/post/638208470490939392/mom-sent-dads-obituary-to-us-all-proofread-and :

mom sent dad’s obituary to us all proofread and the last line is “Due to stupid Covid, the family will have a private service, with interment to follow at [cemetery] when it is safe.”

That is 100% my mom’s phrasing.

also middle-little’s cat is included as though she were her spouse, that is 100% Farmsister’s phrasing (Your picture was not posted)

dragonlady7: self-portrait but it's mostly the DSLR in my hands in the mirror (Default)

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as for me, i got a terrible headache yesterday evening, drank a bunch of water, it didn’t help, i went to bed, it hurt all night, i slept like shit, everything was terrible (by the way! it’s real to me now! all it took was removing distractions, getting horizontal on a soft surface, and turning out the lights and then oh! everything’s fucking real now! despair!) and I woke up feeling like hell this morning and dragged myself out of bed and got some ibuprofen and looked at it and was like “this will give me an upset stomach if I don’t eat” so i went and found the lunch I packed myself yesterday morning before checking my phone, and ate the yogurt I’d put in there–

and the first bite made my headache go away so GUESS WHO IS A WHOLE DUMBASS WHO FORGOT HOW HUNGER WORKS FOR TWELVE HOURS good one, me.

anyway. Mom doesn’t want me to come until after Christmas.

I want to go hang out with MM and eat junk and drink a lot and get baby-snuggled (they’re not babies now but they are not too big to snuggle) and all but that would break quarantine so I probably should not. :(

Probably I should go to work tomorrow, I can’t face it today. Maybe Thursday too, I ought to wrap things up there. And then I’ll do Christmas with Dude’s mom on Friday, and bring the cat over too, and then we’ll go to Mom’s on Saturday and stay probably through the end of the year.

Mom says they’re going to do a Zoom funeral on New Year’s Eve and I feel extremely selfish about this but– NYE is Dude’s birthday and we’d planned a party at MM’s house, and had been looking forward to it. I mean, we could just– move it back a day, but it seems weird to me to do a funeral on NYE! Oh well, it’s not up to me to complain.

Maybe we can have a party on New Year’s Day on our way back out to Buffalo. (Your picture was not posted)

dragonlady7: self-portrait but it's mostly the DSLR in my hands in the mirror (Default)

sometimes i cry

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dailywitchers https://dailywitchers.tumblr.com/post/612065709647872000/geralt-and-ciri-meeting-again-in-the-witcher-3 :

Geralt and Ciri meeting again in The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt (Your picture was not posted)

dragonlady7: self-portrait but it's mostly the DSLR in my hands in the mirror (Default)

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we reworded the obituary to say “Due to the pandemic” instead of “because of stupid COVID” at my suggestion, because I feared that the phrasing of “stupid Covid” would make it sound like we were maybe mad about the rules and not mad at the situation in general. Really don’t want to go on public record seeming to disagree with the controversial but necessary rules against public gatherings, by accident, instead of anger at the whole scenario.

Meanwhile my lovely mother-not-in-law offered to bring us takeout from a local restaurant for dinner, only the restaurant in question happened to be closed tonight. I instead requested pizza and wings, which i’d been wanting but had been saving to have with her because it’s more fun (and you can eat more with three people so you get to order both kinds of wings if you want), so I kind of invited myself over to her house, but. I had just fallen into despair at not having managed to get myself dressed like a people by 4pm, and that gave me the tiny impetus I needed to actually get dressed presentably, and it’s generally good.

I’m not good at like. Any of this. So. Anyway.

Mom doesn’t want me to come home for Christmas, she’d rather I stay and do my original plans, and IDK, I guess I should do that, but then I don’t really… know what to do with myself at the moment. Maybe I should go back to work, but my heart’s not in it and I can’t hold a thought in my head. I guess I’ll check in with them and see if there are any projects they need my input into. But it’s not really fair to go in and be useless.

I have mostly not reacted much to all of this but behind the cut I’m going to put a screenshot of a text message that made me bawl like a baby in the shower. Sorry I’m not putting an image transcript tho, I just can’t bear to write it down. Suffice to say, it was an extremely incisive and accurate observation by Farmkid.

😭

She’s right. Anyway. Going to go dress like a human and go eat pizza.

(I had too much pizza during the early part of the pandemic– it was the only non-home-cooked food I got for most of it. MM’s household has a Weekly Pizza Night, that then yields leftovers well into the week, and at the farm we would get pizza at least biweekly on chicken processing days, and so for a while there I was like ugh I don’t want pizza. But the best pizza is from Buffalo and comes with wings, and i haven’t had either, and I finally want them again, but I was making myself save it for a time when Dude’s mom would be there too. So.

Sigh. This is all just a bummer and irritating. (Your picture was not posted)

obituary

Dec. 22nd, 2020 02:27 pm
dragonlady7: self-portrait but it's mostly the DSLR in my hands in the mirror (Default)

grief, about the author, personal, please do not re/blog

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well, here’s the link to the obituary. Kids, don’t be like me, and keep yourself anonymous etc. on the Internet, but my cat has long since fled the bag and I’m old and tired. I just want to share it because, well, I don’t know why. (The excerpted paragraph has my suggested edits, LOL.) I hadn’t noticed the Tolkienesque semicolons until now but I think that’s probably Farmsister’s doing. I tried to include Mom in the restoration project credits but she edited herself back out, which is hardly fair. Oh well, the matriarch has spoken.

John C Kelly, 1944-2020 https://sanvidgefuneralhome.com/tribute/details/1230/John-Kelly/obituary.html .

In his retirement, John was very active in his church, Transfiguration North of Schaghticoke, especially in stewardship of its cemetery. He was a docent at the NYS Military Museum in Saratoga; a member of the 125th NY Volunteer Infantry Association, a group of Civil War re-enactors; and a member of the 35th Infantry Regiment Association, attending its yearly reunions. He was a treasured volunteer and jack-of-all trades at the Hart-Cluett Museum/Historic Rensselaer County in Troy. Additionally, he was very busy with many personal projects, from working on his Jeep collection to restoring the exterior of the 1825 farmhouse at daughter Ann’s Laughing Earth Farm on Rte. 2 in Cropseyville.

Those wishing to remember John in a special way are asked to send contributions to the Hart-Cluett Museum, 57 2nd Street, Troy NY 12180.

Due to the pandemic, the family will have a private service, with interment to follow at Saratoga National Cemetery when it is safe. (Your picture was not posted)

warm socks

Dec. 22nd, 2020 07:27 pm
dragonlady7: self-portrait but it's mostly the DSLR in my hands in the mirror (Default)

indeed a very great luxury to have handknit socks, tw grief, about the author

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so the thing about the warm socks Farmkid drew for Grandpa, is that it provides a good little illustrative anecdote of his life, I think.

In recent years (since my mother retired, about 2009 i think), my father accounted himself among the most fortunate of men, for he had reached a position in life where, if he did not want to, he never ever had to wear machine-made socks.

Because his beloved wife, my mother, is such an accomplished knitter that she always has two projects going, and at all times, she has one major complex project (a sweater or shawl) that she works on only when she has the leisure to focus, and always a secondary project she can do while traveling or talking or watching TV, and that secondary project? Is always a pair of socks.

Approximately every other pair of socks she knit was for my father, and it had gotten to the point some number of years back that he no longer had to save them up to wear on special occasions. He had enough pairs that he could wear a different pair of hand-knit wool socks every single day.

So he did, with great pleasure, and considered it a life of great luxury, regardless of what else was going on at the time. (Your picture was not posted)

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