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http://ift.tt/2izIlPr:
I’ve done it– here in the heart of blue-state suburbia, I have found Peak Whiteness.
This isn’t one of those oh ha ha those crazy yts with their mayo and their totally dysfunctional heteropatriarchy cutesy ones, either. No this one’s gross as fuck. I don’t even know how to tag the triggers on this one, but… uh… I’ll give it a shot: tragedy porn, christmas cards, infant death. Yeah! Right? Whatever you’re thinking, that isn’t it.
We print holiday cards, right, the photo ones, where it’s printed on photo-paper one-sided 4x8 or 5x7, and there’s a template that has a hole in it where you digitally insert your family photo, and then there’s a decorative saying on the other side, and a place where you input your custom text.
Well this lady chose a template that had big decorative lettering that said REJOICE on one side in fancy script, and then in the rectangle where you put your photo, she paid extra for us to do a custom Photoshop job of her and her husband, pasted in front of a memorial to an atrocity, and then had us also Photoshop in a black and white photo of one of the infant victims of said atrocity, which happened in a country largely populated by non-white persons and so this dead baby is, of course, a brown dead baby, and I looked at it and I said “this is peak white lady right here” and we had an argument over whether the lady in the photo of herself was white (she had sunglasses on so the photo was ambiguous but I know our clientele, yeah sure we got a lot of Asians and some of them even send holiday cards but an Asian lady would not make this holiday card, I know this in my heart, I know my own kind all right, and I was right) but like, we don’t need to ask.
(The manager saw the Photoshop job, was horrified, fixed it so the dead baby didn’t take up literally half of the image, and then was corrected: no, no, that’s what she wanted. This dead baby is four times the size of the photo of the smiling couple. It is larger than the monument, in the photo.)
This is the worst holiday card we’ve ever made here, I can say without reservation.
I was going to take a photo of it but I don’t have to. I just– I don’t have to. You don’t need to be subjected to that.
What the fuck white people. What the fuck.
(And then she made us redo it because she thought she’d misspelled something on the paper she’d given us with the text she wanted– might I add she chose a Comic Sans knockoff for her custom-input text– and then she called back and was like “never mind i gave it to you right the first time!” so we’ve now had to print several hundred of these cards. So like.)
I said to Dude, what would you do if someone you thought was a friend sent that to you in the mail at Christmas, and he looked at it and he said if I had this person as a “friend” I would already be expecting some bullshit of this caliber, and you know, he was totally right.
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