This is going to be a bag for Middle-Little. I

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This is going to be a bag for Middle-Little. I didn’t like how “die” came out so much thinner, so I’m hand-embroidering gold thread split stitch inside the letters. I finished most of it, but the little ornaments inside the E still need to get filled in.

Then I can sew the thing into a bag shape.

I want to make one for my older sister but I can’t think of a suitable slogan. I see her the least, I just don’t know what she’d be amused by. And her kids can all read now, so I can’t put swears on anything really. And I don’t think she’d find it as amusing. She doesn’t follow Internet memes so she wouldn’t get any pop culture jokes. 

If I knew inside Army jokes I’d embroider one of those on there but I’m not up on that lingo. (I really wanted to do “Boss Ass Bitch” in fancy script, since she is, but. Swears.)

(discussion of weird anxiety problems behind the cut.)

Doing the hand embroidery has been really good for my anxiety, I had been thinking– I mean, there’s a lot, so it’s hard to keep up– but then just now as I was sitting on the couch I had a vivid, like, hallucination of a heart attack? I don’t know, just a really vivid imagining of what it would feel like for my heartbeat to get all crazy, like the way it does occasionally when I’m really upset, and it feels like it’s choking me. (This has happened, like, twice in my life.)

It didn’t, I was fine, but I could vividly imagine not being able to breathe, and as I sat there thinking, why am I thinking about this, I was also, I don’t know how to describe it. I keep pausing and taking deep breaths, even now like ten minutes later, but my heart’s not beating fast at all, it’s behaving totally normally.

It’s very weird, it’s similar to how intrusive thoughts feel, but it’s not about doing something or seeing something happen, it’s about feeling a way I don’t feel? I don’t know! It’s very weird. 

I had a pile of things I was going to get done tonight but I think I need to not make myself do stuff! I’m going to have a glass of wine or a cup of tea or both, and sit and not think too hard about anything.
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i don’t really know yet if this is good news or

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i don’t really know yet if this is good news or bad news but i just found a suitcase in the basement that had a whole bunch of stuff in it that i’d been missing including a lot of makeup

so uh i guess i’m going to be wearing glitter eyeliner all week because i forgot i had this stuff
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The Buffalo Bills streaker, I swear I am almost done talking about this, he is having a fundraiser,.

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The Buffalo Bills streaker, I swear I am almost done talking about this, he is having a fundraiser, of course, for his legal fees, but, ok ok

it’s called the pants-off dance-off

and whatever extra is left over after the legal fees and fines and such is going to go to crisis services

which is a charity near and dear to that family’s heart because the aunt that helped raise those kids died of complications from an attempted suicide a couple years back

(also they’re taking donations of warm clothing for the city mission because it’s funny see because the streaker was naked so he needs clothes see but also the city mission genuinely needs warm clothes all the time)

and the ‘family event’ they mentioned in the buffalo news story was that grandpa just passed away

so you see why i laugh and cry a lot about/with/for that family

so anyway i gotta see if i can knock out another version of “die mad about it” for a silent auction

because that family has never had a fucking lucky break but if you can laugh about it you don’t have to cry about it
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palpablenotion reblogged your post and added: I know this is an option in...

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palpablenotion reblogged your post and added:

I know this is an option in Medicaid but I don’t know if it is in broader ACA plans - is there a period wherein you can change or cancel your plan without incident? I’ve only ever signed up for Medicaid so I literally have no idea, I just know that in Medicaid you have 1 month at least in which you can call and change your plan (go from, say, McLaren to Blue Cross, for instance).

If it is, then that makes it even more nefarious that they waited a month before sending me that letter. !!! 

In fact it took them six weeks to even confirm that I was signed up, and it sucked because I only had realized my coveraged had lapsed because I needed medical care and went to get it and didn’t have coverage, so I wound up waiting so long that I never did get to see a doctor about that particular issue, and still haven’t. 

But, this post wasn’t about my general dissatisfaction with Fidelis, but rather about the fact that this policy of theirs was apparently hidden.
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snarklyboojum: gdfalksen: I mean… where is the

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snarklyboojum:

gdfalksen:

I mean… where is the lie?

#eomer was right abt her  #that is the face of a man with regrets  (X)
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New Lost Kings chapter, which I sort of finished in spite of not realizing I was finishing it. That.

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New Lost Kings chapter, which I sort of finished in spite of not realizing I was finishing it. That marks that story complete, so if I take a little break and don’t get the next one up while the holiday craziness ensues, it won’t be leaving it on a cliffhanger. I do have a bunch more Shara/Kes stuff written, but it’s not in story form yet, so I don’t know how long it’ll take to bang into shape.

I let myself, after I finished the chapter last night, finally write the first couple paragraphs of the thing I did not let myself start for NaNoWriMo, so either I’ll get sucked into that or I won’t, but there are totally woolly mammoths.

Anyway. Wish, on AO3, chapter 3 of Pathfinder.

Poe started smiling at Kes, and it took a few times of it happening before Shara realized it was deliberate, those were real smiles. Up until then, Poe’s smiles had been charming but largely random, after the manner of very young infants; just a thing his face did, rather than an expression he deliberately made. But his reaction to Kes was plainly delight.

He’d smiled at the cockpit lights a couple of times when Shara had flown with him, too, and she’d wondered if that was real but hadn’t said anything. Now she was sure it had been– but she was going to stick to the story that his first smiles were for Kes, because it suited the family narrative better.
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dying-suffering-french-stalkers: yahtzee63: spockyourmind: The...

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dying-suffering-french-stalkers:

yahtzee63:

spockyourmind:

The first on-screen kiss between two men.

“Wings”, 1927

This doesn’t show exactly what the caption suggests it shows. 

In this scene, the lower pilot is dying. He had been captured, managed to escape, and stole a German plane to fly back. The upper pilot–his best friend and rival for the love of Clara Bow*–shot him down, believing he was the enemy. This is him kissing his friend goodbye.

“But that’s still slashy!” you can say. Yep, it is. “You can read this as homoerotic!” Yes, you can. “Why are you denying this? Is it because you think being gay or bi is shameful?” A thousand times no. I am pointing this out because I think this is an important piece of evidence about what homophobia has done to our society and to male expressions of emotion. 

In 1927, the obvious reading of this scene, for audiences, was not that this was a romantic kiss. Audiences primarily understood this as an expression of friendship and love, because of course it was perfectly natural for non-romantically involved men to embrace or even kiss, particularly at highly emotional moments. Of course a dying man would want to be held during his last breaths. Of course a guilt- and grief-stricken man would want to kiss his friend goodbye. 

However, not very long after this, the commercialization and commodification of homophobia became a powerful force. The market (including Hollywood) began drawing lines and graphs and boxes, declaring which emotions, expressions, habits, and even colors “belonged” to men and to women. This kind of touch, which would not necessarily have been sexualized during many eras or in many cultures, became forbidden to men in the US, Britain and Canada (and many other places, too) within the decade–and is still lost to them today. This scene–a far more honest expression of grief and affection than anything we’re used to seeing in today’s action films–became gay. 

Now, if you strongly wish to write “Wings” slash, you can still do so–and not entirely by putting on your goggles! University culture of the 1900s-1920s definitely allowed for a far wider range of sexual behavior than frats do now, etc. I don’t want to police what anybody can and does find in “Wings.” But I think we should acknowledge what we lost when capitalism decided that, for men, kisses could only be sexual. 

*You may recognize Clara Bow from that goddamned photo that keeps making the rounds of the internet captioned, “A sex ed class in the 1920s!” so everyone can hoot with derision at the shocked girls in their desks. The photo is actually a still from a movie, and the star, Ms. Bow, is front and center. 

#reblogging for the commentary #i know my blog makes everything gay #but i hope it’s apparent to y’all that what’s important is love #and men were denied lots of forms of it #fuck that (via @classiclitships)

At about 3:45 of this video, the titular character of Stanley Kubrick’s 1977 film Barry Lyndon kisses his friend, an older uncle-type mentor figure, who has been fatally shot. “Kiss me, my boy,” the dying man says, “for we’ll never meet again.” There is no sexual connotation to their relationship. Lyndon plants a kiss square on the man’s mouth, a heartfelt and lingering one, then collapses in tears on his breast as the man expires. 

It’s kind of in the midst of an enormous epic film so it gets forgotten, but it made an impression on me as a kid. 
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