dragonlady7: self-portrait but it's mostly the DSLR in my hands in the mirror (Default)
[personal profile] dragonlady7
via http://ift.tt/2zNCBJF:
This is going to be a bag for Middle-Little. I didn’t like how “die” came out so much thinner, so I’m hand-embroidering gold thread split stitch inside the letters. I finished most of it, but the little ornaments inside the E still need to get filled in.

Then I can sew the thing into a bag shape.

I want to make one for my older sister but I can’t think of a suitable slogan. I see her the least, I just don’t know what she’d be amused by. And her kids can all read now, so I can’t put swears on anything really. And I don’t think she’d find it as amusing. She doesn’t follow Internet memes so she wouldn’t get any pop culture jokes. 

If I knew inside Army jokes I’d embroider one of those on there but I’m not up on that lingo. (I really wanted to do “Boss Ass Bitch” in fancy script, since she is, but. Swears.)

(discussion of weird anxiety problems behind the cut.)

Doing the hand embroidery has been really good for my anxiety, I had been thinking– I mean, there’s a lot, so it’s hard to keep up– but then just now as I was sitting on the couch I had a vivid, like, hallucination of a heart attack? I don’t know, just a really vivid imagining of what it would feel like for my heartbeat to get all crazy, like the way it does occasionally when I’m really upset, and it feels like it’s choking me. (This has happened, like, twice in my life.)

It didn’t, I was fine, but I could vividly imagine not being able to breathe, and as I sat there thinking, why am I thinking about this, I was also, I don’t know how to describe it. I keep pausing and taking deep breaths, even now like ten minutes later, but my heart’s not beating fast at all, it’s behaving totally normally.

It’s very weird, it’s similar to how intrusive thoughts feel, but it’s not about doing something or seeing something happen, it’s about feeling a way I don’t feel? I don’t know! It’s very weird. 

I had a pile of things I was going to get done tonight but I think I need to not make myself do stuff! I’m going to have a glass of wine or a cup of tea or both, and sit and not think too hard about anything.
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dragonlady7: self-portrait but it's mostly the DSLR in my hands in the mirror (Default)
dragonlady7

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