i’m so mad, i’m so mad at John fucking

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i’m so mad, i’m so mad at John fucking Kelly, both for stealing my dad’s name and for being such a piece of shit. Today’s fuckery with implying that the wrong side won the Civil War has got me so fucking heated. 

I’m going to do it, I’m going to get my mom to give me permission to repost the book she wrote about the Civil War service of the men of our small town as a Tumblr, echoing to Twitter. I need something shortform but not too short, you know? And the book is basically just a 1-2 page biography of every man from our small town who served.

Fuck your traitors, fuck your fake-ass Lost fucking Cause. Thousands of real people fought and died in that fucking war for the side that won, and the side that won was in the fucking right. We can’t be a real nation until we see that cause through. But their sacrifice was real and it is a hideous slap in the fucking face for a four-star general to dismiss the sacrifice of his own fucking predecessors. 

Part of what makes Mom’s book so powerful is that she’s viewing these men’s story through the lens of paperwork; all she knows of them is what’s recorded, and in many cases, the best surviving record of them is the pension applications by their widows. Many of these men suffered their entire lives as a result of their military service, and that’s documented in the pension requests. Think about that.

One might ask why I set out to do this, or why I included men who had only a tiny connection to our town- for example, just enlisting here. I feel that these men were truly the “greatest generation.” They were all volunteers (though men were drafted for the war), who fought and lived in awful conditions for a noble purpose- preservation of their country.  Some made the greatest sacrifice – their lives- knowing that their loved ones might never retrieve their bodies. Others suffered from illness or injuries incurred in the war all the rest of their lives. While I feel all this Civil War veterans deserve more recognition than our society gives them, I can at least recover all of them connected with our town.

uomo-accattivante: Il materiale di origine: Disney/Lucasfilm /...

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uomo-accattivante:

Il materiale di origine: Disney/Lucasfilm / Poe Dameron promotional art from “Star Wars: The Last Jedi” #myedit

Red Poe

oh, it’s years since I’ve done NaNoWr

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oh, it’s years since I’ve done NaNoWriMo. I did it the first time in 2002… should I do it this year? I’m sort of at a pausing point in many of my fic things, I could hiatus them. Should I try to bang out an original novel? I have like, a billion ever-present ideas. 

I don’t know, what should I do? 

On months I’m not at the farm, I typically write close to 50,000 words anyway, if I’m in the spirit, so it’s not like… I mean, it’d just have to be all on one project.

(For those of you who don’t usually have a high wordcount, you can take that as confirmation that it’s not your lack of wordcount holding you back, because I somehow manage to vomit out a novelette a month and have done for a solid five years now and still have nothing to show for it… ha ha ha the only thing I’ve ever wanted in life is to be a novelist and I’ve still never turned out anything coherent enough to even submit to an agent or publisher, ha ha ha! When they say “just write” they neglect to point out that that’s only step one, there’s a lot more to it! Anyway. Did I just sidetrack myself and answer my own question? Maybe!)

Yeah maybe I shouldn’t bother if that’s as pumped as I can get. *deflates gently onto floor*

bookish-but-corruptible replied to your post

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You’re an amazing writer, do the thing!!

ohh– thank you for saying so, but I don’t mean, should I Write or Not. I mean, I’m gonna write probably the same number of words this month no matter what.

Just, should I bother trying to come up with An Original Novel when we all know that even if I finish one I’m never going to fucking do anything with it and nobody’s ever going to read it– how many original novels do I have on my hard drive, let’s not ponder it too closely, and literally nobody wants to read anyone’s Original Fiction especially if it’s not polished enough to actually publish and even then nobody really wants to– or should I just keep noodling on fanfiction shit that I’ve been noodling on all along, because a few people will probably eventually read that because it’s easy to publish. Though even that is sometimes beyond my feeble capabilities. 

NaNoWriMo’s simple approach to wordcount has never really done me any favors. I understand that’s the only goal it’s possible for them to really set, because that’s the most basic underpinning of writing– you have to do it– but I have no problem doing it, it’s literally everything else (organizing, editing, making any kind of decision ever) that I fucking suck at, and I suck irredeemably at it to the point of total despair. 

I’m going to write. I get that. I’m grateful that I’m able to. Really I am. I sound like an asshole, I know that, but I don’t know how else to say what I’m trying to say here. 

I should try Something New but I don’t know what. In the meantime I just sound like a jerk. I don’t mean to be! I’m compelled to write whether or not anyone reads it, and I really appreciate anyone who does read it because I’d be really lonely and depressed otherwise, but I don’t know what else to do with that. Even people who are published usually don’t make a living at it, I’ve given up on that years ago, I’ve spent my entire adult life trying to find a way to make a living so that I still have time left to write, and I gave up writing for a short time when that wasn’t possible and lost my fucking marbles, so clearly I just have to figure out how to live so that I have time to write because otherwise I’m not alive. I just wish I could, I don’t know, feel like it meant something. 

I still sound like a jerk because I don’t even know how to explain it. I guess it’s that I have to be able to derive meaning from the work itself and I’m at a loss to figure out which path would give me more intrinsic meaning– something not dependent on existing media properties, OR something people will actually read, I guess. I guess that’s my dilemma. I hate fanfic because I’ve always got to compromise by leaning on some [almost universally] old white man’s Creative Vision for my worldbuilding and name brand recognition etc., but I hate original fic because Nobody Gives A Shit About Your Original Fic. 

I guess that’s the dilemma. 

Red Sweater - Mhalachai - Original Work [Archive of Our Own]

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mhalachai:

I wrote a little ghost story last year for creative writing class and now is the time to post it up on AO3. 

All the ghost stories references herein are real ones in the city of Vancouver and surrounding areas, and I’ll be linking those up over the next few days. 

because-blackgirls-duh: Today is open enrollment for Obamacare! Please get yourself insured. Plans..

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because-blackgirls-duh:

Today is open enrollment for Obamacare! Please get yourself insured. Plans can be as low as 30 bucks! Please get insured.

If you’re in NYS do not choose Fidelis!! They do not cover any reproductive services if you have or had a uterus!! Somehow this is legal!! Just a PSA since it is very much not obvious when you’re choosing plans.

snamioneshipper: lovefromdean: sometimes i really love my fics. i wrote that because i wanted to...

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snamioneshipper:

lovefromdean:

sometimes i really love my fics. i wrote that because i wanted to read it. i love it. nobody visits my fics more than me. they remind me that i’m a hard worker, that i created something. it’s mine and i cherish it and love it because it’s exactly what i wanted so i made it.

and other days i’m crippled by self criticism and hate everything and can’t bear to look at my own work because i know it’ll never compare to the greats

but i live for the days i love my work. because it’s mine, and i made it. i didn’t wait for somebody else to make what i dream about. i went and did it myself.

so don’t feel like your work is awful

it’s the stuff you dreamed about. it’s the stuff you decided to make a reality. it’s not about quality, or poetry, or how perfectly your sculpt your words or keep it so deeply in character; because it’s what you dreamed and it’s what you wanted to see, so you made it.

keep writing; it’s yours, and you made it. and if you want to continue to sharpen and improve yourself? then do it. it’s all yours and you can make it whatever you want.

keep writing.

THIS.

IT IS COLD AND DARK AND SHITTY AND THE INTERNET IS TOO SLOW FOR ME TO DO MY JOB, THERE ARE NO...

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IT IS COLD AND DARK AND SHITTY AND THE INTERNET IS TOO SLOW FOR ME TO DO MY JOB, THERE ARE NO WINDOWS HERE AND I WILL NOT SEE THE SKY IN DAYLIGHT FOR MONTHS NOW, EVERYTHING FUCKING SUCKS AND NOTHING HAS ANY MEANING, WELCOME TO WINTER AND H E L L

I WISH YELLING WOULD GET IT OUT OF MY SYSTEM SO I COULD STOP FEELING SO SHITTY ABOUT IT BUT I DON’T THINK IT’S WORKING
STILL I HAD TO TRY
SORRY ABOUT YOUR DASH Y'ALL I’LL TRY TO KEEP IT DOWN GOING FORWARD

Here it is, here’s my ACA Open Enrollment Plug:I

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Here it is, here’s my ACA Open Enrollment Plug:

If you’re in NYS, DO NOT SIGN UP WITH FIDELIS CARE. 

If you support real religious freedom (i.e. your religious choices are between you and your god, you have a right to privacy)

if you have endometreosis or any other complex reproductive-system-related condition

if you want to keep seeing your gyno, and want to be able to access all the services your gyno provides

DO NOT SIGN UP WITH FIDELIS.

They don’t have the guts to say this anywhere you’d notice it while you’re perusing the plan benefits– I actually did try quite hard to go through all the fine print but I missed it. And clearly, New York State expects you to miss it. Because when I signed up, after a couple of months, they sent me this letter, which clearly indicates that they didn’t expect me to already have realized this: 

“Fidelis, the health plan you joined, does not pay for family planning services.” (That last is bold and underlined.)

The back side of the letter tells me to go to Planned Parenthood. Here’s the whole text:

(Photo is of a list of places in several counties where you can get family planning services. Note that one of the counties in the list contains no family planning clinics and lists no options.)

I have a primary care physician who does my gyno care. This tells me, in effect, that I’m going to have to find another gyno to do that, because my insurance company won’t reimburse my PCP for a visit where she mentions birth control. 

Now, what my personal medical needs are, are immaterial to this discussion, but I am making this post because I know a lot of people are trying to choose plans right now. And it is NOT OBVIOUS that Fidelis is a Catholic company– they changed their name from Catholic Health Plan of NYS for that reason, I think.

So– BE AWARE, because they’re sure as hell not going to make it obvious.

I don’t know if this is legal in any other states, or if Fidelis exists in any other states, but LOOK FOR THIS KIND OF THING when you sign up!! Explicitly CHECK TO MAKE SURE. 

I am going to switch away from Fidelis not because I can’t stand to go to Planned Parenthood, but because I don’t want to support a company in any way that feels it can dictate my health choices because of its religious beliefs. 

sugarspiceandcursewords replied to your post

via http://ift.tt/2iW5bo1:sugarspiceandcursewords replied to your post “bookish-but-corruptible replied to your post “oh, it’s years since…”

You don’t sound like a jerk. I think I get it.

Thank you! It took me forever to make what I was feeling rattle around into words anyway. I’m glad some of those words seem to have come through.

I dunno. I just dunno. 

I was mentally poking all my original fic ideas today. I mean, what would probably be a crowd-pleaser is to go back through and put endings on the abandoned works on my AO3, so maybe I should consider that. But I also want to, I dunno, make something that’s mine.

I just don’t know if I have the fortitude to do that, because it means working in isolation and not getting a lot of feedback. But it would be mine. 

I could also take a hiatus from writing but the last time I did that, I’m not kidding, I lost my fucking mind, so I’m hesitant. It feels like it would be a recharge, but I think the part of my brain that’s thinking that is straight-up deluded. I don’t have a lot of spare cope going around, you know??

I was thinking, like, you know, I should just bang out some Kindle Erotica, you know? There’s a market for that and it would be a fun experiment. But of my original fic ideas, most of the ready-to-hand ones are bizarrely unsuited. (The one where the heroine’s asexual and the hero’s too traumatized to even hold hands? the one where I recently decided it doesn’t hold up unless I make the heroine trans and it definitely has to be minimum 200k words long to cram the plot in? the one where a lounge singer gets abducted by aliens and strikes up a torrid lesbian affair with an extraterrestrial? i mean maybe that last one but what’s the market like for f/f and it’s mostly plot and very little sex too? why is all my fanfic X-rated and my original stuff too weird to fuck??)

I’m just gonna lie on the floor for a while today and feel wretched, that’s just how that’s going. Thank you for understanding.