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dragonlady7via http://ift.tt/2gTt0bG:bookish-but-corruptible replied to your post “oh, it’s years since I’ve done NaNoWriMo. I did it the first time in…”
You’re an amazing writer, do the thing!!
ohh– thank you for saying so, but I don’t mean, should I Write or Not. I mean, I’m gonna write probably the same number of words this month no matter what.
Just, should I bother trying to come up with An Original Novel when we all know that even if I finish one I’m never going to fucking do anything with it and nobody’s ever going to read it– how many original novels do I have on my hard drive, let’s not ponder it too closely, and literally nobody wants to read anyone’s Original Fiction especially if it’s not polished enough to actually publish and even then nobody really wants to– or should I just keep noodling on fanfiction shit that I’ve been noodling on all along, because a few people will probably eventually read that because it’s easy to publish. Though even that is sometimes beyond my feeble capabilities.
NaNoWriMo’s simple approach to wordcount has never really done me any favors. I understand that’s the only goal it’s possible for them to really set, because that’s the most basic underpinning of writing– you have to do it– but I have no problem doing it, it’s literally everything else (organizing, editing, making any kind of decision ever) that I fucking suck at, and I suck irredeemably at it to the point of total despair.
I’m going to write. I get that. I’m grateful that I’m able to. Really I am. I sound like an asshole, I know that, but I don’t know how else to say what I’m trying to say here.
I should try Something New but I don’t know what. In the meantime I just sound like a jerk. I don’t mean to be! I’m compelled to write whether or not anyone reads it, and I really appreciate anyone who does read it because I’d be really lonely and depressed otherwise, but I don’t know what else to do with that. Even people who are published usually don’t make a living at it, I’ve given up on that years ago, I’ve spent my entire adult life trying to find a way to make a living so that I still have time left to write, and I gave up writing for a short time when that wasn’t possible and lost my fucking marbles, so clearly I just have to figure out how to live so that I have time to write because otherwise I’m not alive. I just wish I could, I don’t know, feel like it meant something.
I still sound like a jerk because I don’t even know how to explain it. I guess it’s that I have to be able to derive meaning from the work itself and I’m at a loss to figure out which path would give me more intrinsic meaning– something not dependent on existing media properties, OR something people will actually read, I guess. I guess that’s my dilemma. I hate fanfic because I’ve always got to compromise by leaning on some [almost universally] old white man’s Creative Vision for my worldbuilding and name brand recognition etc., but I hate original fic because Nobody Gives A Shit About Your Original Fic.
I guess that’s the dilemma.
You’re an amazing writer, do the thing!!
ohh– thank you for saying so, but I don’t mean, should I Write or Not. I mean, I’m gonna write probably the same number of words this month no matter what.
Just, should I bother trying to come up with An Original Novel when we all know that even if I finish one I’m never going to fucking do anything with it and nobody’s ever going to read it– how many original novels do I have on my hard drive, let’s not ponder it too closely, and literally nobody wants to read anyone’s Original Fiction especially if it’s not polished enough to actually publish and even then nobody really wants to– or should I just keep noodling on fanfiction shit that I’ve been noodling on all along, because a few people will probably eventually read that because it’s easy to publish. Though even that is sometimes beyond my feeble capabilities.
NaNoWriMo’s simple approach to wordcount has never really done me any favors. I understand that’s the only goal it’s possible for them to really set, because that’s the most basic underpinning of writing– you have to do it– but I have no problem doing it, it’s literally everything else (organizing, editing, making any kind of decision ever) that I fucking suck at, and I suck irredeemably at it to the point of total despair.
I’m going to write. I get that. I’m grateful that I’m able to. Really I am. I sound like an asshole, I know that, but I don’t know how else to say what I’m trying to say here.
I should try Something New but I don’t know what. In the meantime I just sound like a jerk. I don’t mean to be! I’m compelled to write whether or not anyone reads it, and I really appreciate anyone who does read it because I’d be really lonely and depressed otherwise, but I don’t know what else to do with that. Even people who are published usually don’t make a living at it, I’ve given up on that years ago, I’ve spent my entire adult life trying to find a way to make a living so that I still have time left to write, and I gave up writing for a short time when that wasn’t possible and lost my fucking marbles, so clearly I just have to figure out how to live so that I have time to write because otherwise I’m not alive. I just wish I could, I don’t know, feel like it meant something.
I still sound like a jerk because I don’t even know how to explain it. I guess it’s that I have to be able to derive meaning from the work itself and I’m at a loss to figure out which path would give me more intrinsic meaning– something not dependent on existing media properties, OR something people will actually read, I guess. I guess that’s my dilemma. I hate fanfic because I’ve always got to compromise by leaning on some [almost universally] old white man’s Creative Vision for my worldbuilding and name brand recognition etc., but I hate original fic because Nobody Gives A Shit About Your Original Fic.
I guess that’s the dilemma.
