alone again
May. 31st, 2006 09:55 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dragonlady7Well... Z just left for work, and Mom and Dad just left to go home, so I'm alone again. My house is immeasurably improved, as is my outlook on life. However, of course, now I'm sad, because I already miss my mommy and daddy. Throughout the entire weekend we had not one moment where anybody disagreed with anybody else, so either I'm finally grown-up enough, Mom's finally mellow enough, or we finally see little enough of one another that we can't work up the friction for a quarrel anymore. Probably the last option, but it was delightful on the whole. Not that we were ever a family of much fireworks, but if there were any it would be Mom and me.
I also heard a great deal more about what my sisters are all doing. Apparently the littlest one, twenty-one and at Cornell, is sick of being in school and is trying to graduate a semester early. She's then, to our astonishment, thinking of relocating to follow her boyfriend wherever he ends up at grad school. Mom was initially shocked at the inherent antifeminism, but on reflection, realized that if you have nowhere to be, then picking a somewhere based on who else is there is kind of sensible. And I pointed out that this was precisely my situation: I could be doing what I'm doing anywhere in the country, but in order to do it with Z, I have to do it in Buffalo. Whatever: it's nice here.
My oldest sister, the day before the paperwork went through to get her Out of the Army Forever, realized that if she signed up for the Georgia National Guard instead, they'd give her ten thousand dollars and like $400 a month. Also, that unit has just come back from Iraq, so her chances of deployment are nil. So, rather than finally Escaping the Army, Katy's back in for another two (three?) years, but, part-time, while she finishes her teaching degree. (Also, if her husband finds a really good good job, that could be the entirety of her job for a while, which would make childbearing a lot easier. The National Guard don't pay too bad really.)
And the middle sister is, everyone agrees, a lot less with the anxiety and money woes, and a lot less with the making excuses for the deadbeat boyfriend, and a lot more with the doing her own thing and being happy. Which is nice. Mom couldn't help pointing out that she's also fat now, but you know, unlike my mother, I think there are worse things to be. (That's unfair, but my mom's a bit paranoid about chubbiness.)
Mom couldn't resist trying on the dress she'd made me. It fit her perfectly, but she had the generosity of spirit to point out that it suited me better; losing all that weight left her with an extra bump of skin around her midsection that doesn't look good in fitted bodices like that.
It, of course, looks fabulous on me.
I am left with a lot of projects that I could do, with some effort, now that I've been pointed the right direction. I probably won't, but I could. And that makes me feel better, and not so trapped.
I am still mad at the people at work, and am realizing more and more how much I really wanted to be fired after all. I've been there so long now. I'm so tired of them. I wish I could just take the summer off. I have so much to do.
But of course, so much of the "so much to do" is stuff that requires.... Money. So. I have to keep working.
But it made me think about how much time passes while you're just scrambling to keep up with your day to day life. Most of our lives are spent getting ready for work, going to work, at work (where there's no time to think about anything but work), or recovering from work, and it's an endless cycle, and you look up and you're two years older and have a bit more stuff but haven't really made any progress at actually living your life...
Frustrating.
I also heard a great deal more about what my sisters are all doing. Apparently the littlest one, twenty-one and at Cornell, is sick of being in school and is trying to graduate a semester early. She's then, to our astonishment, thinking of relocating to follow her boyfriend wherever he ends up at grad school. Mom was initially shocked at the inherent antifeminism, but on reflection, realized that if you have nowhere to be, then picking a somewhere based on who else is there is kind of sensible. And I pointed out that this was precisely my situation: I could be doing what I'm doing anywhere in the country, but in order to do it with Z, I have to do it in Buffalo. Whatever: it's nice here.
My oldest sister, the day before the paperwork went through to get her Out of the Army Forever, realized that if she signed up for the Georgia National Guard instead, they'd give her ten thousand dollars and like $400 a month. Also, that unit has just come back from Iraq, so her chances of deployment are nil. So, rather than finally Escaping the Army, Katy's back in for another two (three?) years, but, part-time, while she finishes her teaching degree. (Also, if her husband finds a really good good job, that could be the entirety of her job for a while, which would make childbearing a lot easier. The National Guard don't pay too bad really.)
And the middle sister is, everyone agrees, a lot less with the anxiety and money woes, and a lot less with the making excuses for the deadbeat boyfriend, and a lot more with the doing her own thing and being happy. Which is nice. Mom couldn't help pointing out that she's also fat now, but you know, unlike my mother, I think there are worse things to be. (That's unfair, but my mom's a bit paranoid about chubbiness.)
Mom couldn't resist trying on the dress she'd made me. It fit her perfectly, but she had the generosity of spirit to point out that it suited me better; losing all that weight left her with an extra bump of skin around her midsection that doesn't look good in fitted bodices like that.
It, of course, looks fabulous on me.
I am left with a lot of projects that I could do, with some effort, now that I've been pointed the right direction. I probably won't, but I could. And that makes me feel better, and not so trapped.
I am still mad at the people at work, and am realizing more and more how much I really wanted to be fired after all. I've been there so long now. I'm so tired of them. I wish I could just take the summer off. I have so much to do.
But of course, so much of the "so much to do" is stuff that requires.... Money. So. I have to keep working.
But it made me think about how much time passes while you're just scrambling to keep up with your day to day life. Most of our lives are spent getting ready for work, going to work, at work (where there's no time to think about anything but work), or recovering from work, and it's an endless cycle, and you look up and you're two years older and have a bit more stuff but haven't really made any progress at actually living your life...
Frustrating.
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Date: 2006-05-31 03:06 pm (UTC)YES. This is indeed what happens. You have to make landmarks - this year we went to ________, remember the Christmas that ________ gave _______?
But to a great extent, your journal will do that for you. I hope you have it mostly backed up somewhere.