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made it safely home from work; another local-resident coworker gave me a ride home when he left for the night. poor dude had spent two hours trying to fix the snowblower and then snowblowing and then had suffered so much from cold hands and feet that his solution was to… fill the bathroom sink with hot water, soak his hands, and then soak his feet one at a time in the sink? we have not only a bathtub but several basins in this house and so i am not sure where he was going with this but he is thirty-nine years old and had to stand on one foot with his other foot in the sink to do this and i don’t know. i don’t! i don’t know what his deal is.

i am going to dig my car out tomorrow morning, my idea of walking was batshit. but it took two hours to dig out, so i was not wrong to say fuck it and leave it for later.

the blizzard is going to continue through tomorrow.

i got home and had to make dinner. dude was not able to get a start on that. i don’t have to worry about the pipes freezing because he was doing dishes which of course as usual involves directing the entire contents of the hot water tank down the drain at full blast, so. 

after dinner i changed into pajamas and here’s like, a window into my brain, i was so frazzled and tired and cold that my solution to the weather was

not to put on long-sleeved thick pajamas

no

i for some reason put on two different transparent-lace “cute” nighties

and then my boring-ass terrycloth bathrobe

so like

i am a fashion icon ok.

i am so tired and dude has been snoring on the couch for two hours now, and i can’t make myself get up and go to bed because i know i’ll have to feed the cat first and my executive dysfunction has convinced me that’s “complicated” and so i’ve been sitting here over an hour trying to get myself together enough to do it, and can’t, so, this is my attempt to shame myself into doing it
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dragonlady7: self-portrait but it's mostly the DSLR in my hands in the mirror (Default)
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oh no i am having one of those mornings where i regret not being more serious about my craft

because honestly when was the last time i truly considered my use of language; i have always been sloppy, have never had a gift for economy of words

and then I try to write things and convince myself it all is futile

This is most inconvenient, but, on the other hand, I had other shit to do this weekend, so maybe it just means I can peel myself off the keyboard and get some shit done. 

I’m not fishing for reassurance or anything, I mean seriously, who even gives a fuck about craft, and come on it’s not like I could have worked harder at it than I do, I have averaged over a million words per year since the mid-90s, like– under no one’s criteria have I not worked hard enough. Obviously I’ve just come off a really insanely intense productive phase and I need to step back for like, a second. 

But why can’t my brain ask me nicely?

That’s a stupid question, I guess. 

(I should have seen this coming when my brain started demanding hair-petting fics and refusing to let me just write one. I started, don’t worry. I’ll come back to it.)

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dragonlady7: self-portrait but it's mostly the DSLR in my hands in the mirror (Default)
dragonlady7

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