sigh

Nov. 14th, 2019 12:42 pm
dragonlady7: self-portrait but it's mostly the DSLR in my hands in the mirror (Default)
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I keep seeing a cute post going around where the OP is complaining about how customers keep asking her, a waitress I think, to smile, and she’s like, *gif of britney spears fake smiling*, and then another commenter tells a heartwarming story about a time they had a waiter who was clearly stressed-out and they joked with him until he laughed, and there’s a reaction gif about how much better that is, and like

I’m not going to reblog that post to add onto it, it’s already fucking long enough. But.

Having been a waitress, the point is, my emotional state is really not particularly your concern, and while yes, it is lovely to have friendly customers who are concerned for your wellbeing, think this through from my perspective. I am trying to do my job, which is demanding and yet also requires me to be personable, in ways that might be exhausting. Any given customer will not be my only customer. (If they are, I’m probably all smiles, even if I’m upset because I won’t make many tips; at least there’s a customer, right, and I have time to pour it on if they’re my only one. So in that case, you’re there by yourself in an empty restaurant, you know what– crack all the jokes you want, mess with me and get me to laugh, that’s great. None of the forgoing applies, in that unusual case.)

So I have like, twelve tables, and I’m stressed, the kitchen is slow and already messed up one order and I’ve got thirty seconds to get your drink order before I have to go check on that food, and you want to delay me in my doing my job as fast as possible so that you can tell me jokes? You want to interrupt me while I’m taking your order to play some kind of game with me? You want to throw me off my tenuous rhythm just so you can pat yourself on the back for getting an emotional reaction out of me?

I don’t care if it’s fucking funny, I don’t have time for your shit, I am trying to do my job.

Would you interrupt a contractor who has come to repair your roof by telling them jokes until they were laughing? Would you interrupt the policeman who has come to take your neighbor’s statement after their mother was murdered to crack a joke with them so that they smile– after all, that’s a terrible job to have, and they’re clearly upset about this, so it’s nice of you to try to improve their evening? Would you call up the air traffic controller and mess with them because you think their job is too stressful and they should laugh???

Like. Waitressing is a job. Service positions are jobs. Sure, if we’ve got time to chat, I’d love to, it was a fun part of the job sometimes– if I had time, asking people where they were from and finding out what their deal was, was always diverting, I worked in the airport bar so they were all travelers so it was extra interesting– but if I’m flustered and stressed-out, the last fucking thing I want from you is for you to start cracking corny jokes and messing with me all friendly-like.

Because you know what that is? When a man, it’s always a man, interrupts the social script to joke with you? (Usually, he pretends to be denying you something, so that for an instant you are dismayed, and then, ha ha, he is only kidding!) 

That’s a power thing. That’s you asserting dominance over the interaction.

It is exactly the same as you telling me to smile, only it wastes more of my time. 

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dragonlady7: self-portrait but it's mostly the DSLR in my hands in the mirror (Default)
dragonlady7

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