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I had to get it out by writing it down, and it makes me feel better to have written it down, and no it is not a bad time, thank you. you are very sweet. and i am glad that bathroom floor scene thing is resonating with people, because, as I probably wrote like six times in replies to comments– I composed it and wrote it down all in one go and it seemed terribly deep, and since then it has seemed flat and – sort of, I don’t know, not that great when I reread it, but on the weight of how deeply it affected me when I wrote it I sort of shoved it into the middle of a chapter. And people are responding to it, and responding positively, and I’m glad of that. I still sort of feel weird, I wonder if there are people not responding who it upset or was– I dunno, bad for, or whatever– but in the end, I know I wrote it with very deep and honest sincerity, from not quite the place it describes but from a related place, and so at least I’m not being cynical or trivial or whatever about it. I meant it, it was true, for me, and so if someone takes it bad, well, at least I wasn’t poking fun, I wasn’t just fucking around, it was my truth.
So– I will spend this weekend with family being useful and valued and good, and that’s what I have, and it just strengthens my resolve– the people at my current workplace are kind, are funny, I like them, I like having the job, I just am bad at it and am not the kind of person who can cheerfully endure that indefinitely. (It has been, I should mention, years.)
Thank you.
I had to get it out by writing it down, and it makes me feel better to have written it down, and no it is not a bad time, thank you. you are very sweet. and i am glad that bathroom floor scene thing is resonating with people, because, as I probably wrote like six times in replies to comments– I composed it and wrote it down all in one go and it seemed terribly deep, and since then it has seemed flat and – sort of, I don’t know, not that great when I reread it, but on the weight of how deeply it affected me when I wrote it I sort of shoved it into the middle of a chapter. And people are responding to it, and responding positively, and I’m glad of that. I still sort of feel weird, I wonder if there are people not responding who it upset or was– I dunno, bad for, or whatever– but in the end, I know I wrote it with very deep and honest sincerity, from not quite the place it describes but from a related place, and so at least I’m not being cynical or trivial or whatever about it. I meant it, it was true, for me, and so if someone takes it bad, well, at least I wasn’t poking fun, I wasn’t just fucking around, it was my truth.
So– I will spend this weekend with family being useful and valued and good, and that’s what I have, and it just strengthens my resolve– the people at my current workplace are kind, are funny, I like them, I like having the job, I just am bad at it and am not the kind of person who can cheerfully endure that indefinitely. (It has been, I should mention, years.)
Thank you.
