dragonlady7

I'm very low on follow-through lately, or even start-through. I used up all my Get Shit Done for the week in getting my car serviced, I think. I've been utterly useless apart from that, can't even do laundry or make dinner or plan meals or take charge of anything. Very out-of-sorts, and I dislike it.

Writing is progressing slowly; have derailed the Solarpunk Cyborgs to attempt to knock out a quick GO fic and have got that one to like 8500 words without a resolution. I don't think I can do pacing, at all, guys, I'm a lost cause.

I've read a bunch of GO fanfic, which has been pleasant but has not contributed much to my overall wellbeing and sense of accomplishment. Have managed to fend off the "everyone is a better writer than me" woes for a bit but I do have the unshakeable feeling everyone's said all I meant to say already and I needn't bother, which really isn't helping much-- that's not the point of writing, now is it?

Staring at Twitter isn't helping my sense of wellbeing but it does help pass the time at work. Which is important, so. And sometimes I do see amusing things. Ursula Vernon's twitter is goddamn amazing. In response to a disillusioned and sarcastic Tweet about how the Democratic party takes so very long a time to do anything, she came up with the theory that the Entwives went off and formed Entifa to stop Saruman and the Ents just forgot about it because they were so busy hearing themselves talk. If she designs and sells an Entifa shirt I will buy the shit out of it, and I'm pretty merch-resistant, but. For real, y'all.
(i can't find the Tweet, it's not in her TL, so she must have replied to it.)

I have my 40th birthday off from work, it turns out; half the week, but it means I have to be back by Wednesday and then I'll miss the next slaughter day on the farm. I think I can be forgiven. But now what do I do with that day off?? I could go somewhere on the weekend, but-- my older sister will be at the farm, and she scheduled her last visit during my Adirondack vacation months after I'd scheduled the vacation, and so this visit is my only chance to see her and her kids until possibly Christmas and maybe not even then, but if I just-- stay at the farm straight through, of course that's a work day, and I'll spend it working, so... Anyway, I gotta make up my mind. It's not like there's anywhere I really wanted to go? But I don't want to do nothing. I didn't celebrate my birthday at all last year, I was on a plane to go to Turkey at the time but that wasn't a birthday trip and we wound up not commemorating it in any fashion at all. And like, i'm old, but I still like cake, so.

I have a wedding to go to this weekend, to which I'm looking forward, but I'm also sort of dreading because I know my vanity will insist I wear my lovely strappy gold 3" heels that I bought for last summer's wedding I attended, and they'll look fantastic and I'll cripple myself permanently within minutes of trying to walk anywhere in them. So like. *shrug* I don't have a great deal of common sense, but also I can't really bear to wear sneakers or orthopedic flip-flops to a "cocktail attire" wedding reception. I don't have a ton of vanity but I have that much.

via http://ift.tt/1OM8jKb:
miscellany:

* my sister and her husband and baby came thru on their way back from new years’ with the in-laws in the midwest, and it was lovely to hang with them as usual. Baby’s latest thing is that her mother told her “Pause!” during play, at one point, and she’d never heard the word used that way before, and thought her mother was nicknaming her “Paws”, which she has now decided is an excellent alter ego name, and sometimes Paws is a dog and sometimes Paws is a cat, depending on her whim.

* woke up an hour before I normally get up and had bled enough to overflow the menstrual cup I wear. managed not to get any blood on the sheets, but I got into the bathroom and thought, man fuck trying to clean this up, and just got into the shower. because holy fuck. how i didn’t get that all over the sheets i don’t know. this trash fucking body, i stg

* turbo yeast: tends to produce ethyl acetate? we think we over-nourished this batch and it produced ammonia, actually. distilled it yesterday, which was dramatic as we went from 50 degrees and rainy to 23 degrees and violently snowing during the time the still was running. considering solutions, probably citric acid, etcetera. first candidate for a second distillation! excellent experiments to make with cheap ingredients. 

* I did not mean to get sucked into it but I have now suddenly written almost 18k of Poe-POV Finn/Poe and it is absolutely not what I meant it to be nor is it particularly headed where I wanted, although technically I am following the outline I made, and up until a couple hours ago I was super into what I was writing, but I’m suddenly feeling very shitty about basically everything so I am going to attribute this to brainweasels and not do anything rash. I wanted to post an excerpt because I rely on attention to feed my creative beast but the reasonable 2k segment I composed wound up on such a horrifyingly sad note that I couldn’t bear the thought of posting it without the 3k resolution. So. I guess I won’t be posting a snippet here. Not of this, anyway. 

* on a high note! I consulted with @kiwisson about alternative pronouns for droids, as I disliked my draft where BB-8 was “it” (ugh!) and did not want to flip/flop he and she as the script does, and definitely didn’t want to use “he” like the novel apparently does, and they suggested spivak pronouns which I had never heard of before (or, well, I had, but I had no idea what they were called!) and I LOVE THEM and that is where I am going so thank you ever so much! BB-8 is about a thousand times more adorable as ey/em/eir. 

* the overarching theme of this story I am writing seems to be that Poe is surely indeed the dashing hero of the Resistance and all but in his downtime has a lot of anxiety about these ducklings who seem to want him to lead them around, and is pretty convinced that actually Finn is the dashing hero of the Resistance now and honestly people should be paying more attention to the new kid, and BB-8 is apparently fomenting some sort of droid revolution on top of all of that and he’s just got a lot to do and wishes people would stop taking surreptitious snapchats of his ass okay? 

* actually the snippet I wrote that got too long is all about an introductory holovid that the Resistance shows to new recruits, called “Dealing With Your Inevitable Crush On Poe Dameron”. I wish I could somehow make this be a real thing because in my head it’s hilarious. Ohhh, I am a one-trick pony; all my MCU stuff features descriptions of videos sort of compulsively, and now here I go. Oh well. The more prolific my output the more I can point out that I basically write the same shit over and over. 

*I will say this: the one thing I am really enjoying about dabbling in SW:TFA fic is that there’s literally no reason to ever bother with homophobia even existing, so that’s nice. Like, I don’t even have to acknowledge that it’s a thing. It’s really refreshing. I’m super jazzed to never encounter “period-typical homophobia” again. Or like, the concept of a same-sex relationship being “less real” than an opposite-sex one. Or like, someone not being a “real” bisexual. Fuck all of that noise, I can just pretend it’s never been a thing, because in this ‘verse, that’s totally plausible and fine. Kiiiiiinda loving it! Didn’t expect that! Super bummed to have no pop music though! Didn’t expect I’d care about that! Weird things you learn.

Okay everybody it has helped me a lot to talk through this. I feel less shitty. Thanks, and sorry that’s long.