woops. been a little while, huh?
Oct. 7th, 2003 11:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dragonlady7Dave went and stole my stuffed panda from the bedroom, and then climbed into the papasan chair with the Vellux blanket, curled around the panda, and went to sleep.
HE IS SO CUTE. He grunted at me until I stopped kissing his head, but I couldn't help it-- he is SO CUTE.
I had to get that out of my system.
As for what's been up with me lately... http://www.highrankings.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=1114&st=0
That's where I've been.
Yesterday T. took me aside and told me that the boss was unhappy with me, because I wasn't being respectful enough of him. And, besides that, the manager was unhappy because I dress like "i'm at home hanging out with my friends."
Yes, I wear skirts and pantyhose and blouses while at home hanging out with my friends. Sure. Fuck you. Anyhow.
So she explained to me that if I wanted to stay in this job, I'd have to shape up.
I was so angry I started crying, and used that as camoflage to do some quick calculations. Could I pay my rent on unemployment until the freelance copywriting gig started bringing in money? The quick answer was that it was too close to tell, and so I'd have to swallow some pride. If this had happened two or three months from now, I'd've said Know what? I'm not interested in making any changes to myself, because I'm a more effective worker this way, so you'd best go start looking for a replacement, and I'm going to go pack up my stuff and call a cab. But... no, it was not to be.
Dave was THE SWEETEST when I told him about it, and said he'd support whatever decision I made 100%, but that it would be financially very tough on us if I decided that my pride was more important than money. So, I decided that out of pride's sake, I was not getting fired-- I'm going to leave the corporate system when I'm good and ready, not when they tire of me. Fuck that. I'm not leaving because i can't hack it; I'm leaving because I've got better things to do with my life than muck about in the playpen with the babies.
Which is precisely what I feel like at work.
Especially given the following:
The boss wasn't in on Monday, which is when this happened. I had had a misunderstanding with him on Friday, and then had left because it was quittin' time, and so had he, after apparently expressing frustration to T. The manager, who was in on this on Monday, had been out for two weeks and had only returned on Monday, and had not spoken to the boss.
So...
T. pretty much manufactured the entire thing. I spoke to the boss today and as far as he seemed to give a care, nothing was wrong. If he'd really been baying for my blood on Friday, instead of just his normal complaining, I doubt he would have been so normal with me. So...
Yes, T. remains condescending and a tremendous impediment to me getting my job done. She pretends to be my friend, and all that, but if the manager expressed displeasure with my limited and somewhat shabby wardrobe during the summer, and she did not pass this on to me until NOW, then what kind of friend is that? She said she hadn't wanted to make an issue of it, but would give me a little more time to settle in and make some more money. Well, if nobody's mentioned it's a problem, and I've actually discussed it with her and said that it wasn't my priority, then how am I supposed to realize on my own that it's something I should look out for?
She then offered to take me shopping.
How fucking condescending can you be?
And I almost told her no fucking way am I going with you to Nordstrom's to buy a $70 freaking plain white blouse and some $300 cardigans, but then I decided that discretion was the better part of valor, so I sniffled about how I was cursed with awful fashion sense and I'd have to go visit my sister who works at the Gap for some wardrobe consulting. (And I did not say "god, I'd rather be dead than dress like you", for which I should be given a fucking medal.)
And I did look up unemployment benefits, and ascertained that I could probably afford to pay rent if they were my sole income, and could definitely afford it if the copywriting takes off, and I got the forbearance on my loans I'm entitled to if I'm unemployed, and so I'm seriously considering quitting my job just to leave fucking T. in the lurch. Our busiest season is coming up and she'll need me more than ever, and she picks NOW to try and intimidate me into being more biddable?
(Icing on cake: during discussion, she said my future plans may not include corporate environment, perhaps i'd be a freelance writer. now, i never mentioned that phrase to her before, and she does not know that i'm working on becoming one.)
So, my fantasy scenario, that gets me through the day, is now this:
"T, I've thought a lot about what you said, and I've come to the conclusion that it's bullshit. I've certainly learned a lot here, and one of the things I've learned is that I'm really not interested in wasting any more time with a company in as poor shape as this one. You can't manage, and you can't communicate, and your time management skills are a joke, and your interpersonal relationships seem to count on manufacturing complexity where it doesn't exist, and I don't care to suffer for that anymore. So I thought over your proposal, and I've decided to accept your offer to terminate my employment. It's just not going to work out; I have too many serious things to do than to waste effort attempting to conform to your version of corporate . And you gave me a great idea-- I'm going to be a freelance writer. I've already got a client. Great idea! Oh... uh... good luck with all the publications for the end-of-year event. I'm sure my replacement will pick them up in no time.
Oh, by the way, the economy's picking up so it's no longer a buyer's market. You won't get someone with my SEO skills for under fifty grand now. But that's ok... as long as nobody who knows SEO puts up a page about how much your company sucks, the job I did for you should hold up a while. Until the competitors learn how I did it."
Not that I'll do that. But still... it would be GREAT if they fired me, because then I'd be eligible for unemployment. Then I can work full-time at getting my business launched, and I could probably have it earning enough for a living within a fairly short timespan (Honestly... a month?). Unemployment would give me the cushion I needed to get it off the ground-- I know it's going to require full-time effort for some time before it gives full-time compensation, and at the moment I don't know how to go about that.
But, the sad fact is, I was never really in danger of losing my job, because it was just T. trying to be all managerial and prove to the manager that she's management material, which she's not. I do excellent work and they can't afford to lose me simply because I don't own cute shoes and don't plan on buying any.
So, I doubt I can manage to get myself fired.
The only good part of the whole situation is how sweet Dave was to me. That really meant a lot to me. He's the best, and I swear if I work from home, even if I have to work 60 hours a week from home, I will cook the most fabulous meals you can imagine for him, and maybe he'll even get fat. I will give him excellent homemade lunches every day, and I will clean the apartment, and I will bake him cookies and write him notes. Because he is The Best Ever, and a sweet boy besides.
When he's not busy being a bastard. Example:
Me, ranting: "And she actually said there are a million more people out there with coding skills as good as yours who are just as good as webmasters, so the boss doesn't have to put up with your shit. Well, that's where she's wrong! Maybe they'll find a prettier, more submissive girl, but they won't find one with my SEO and webmastering skills for under fifty grand!"
Dave, sweetly, "They won't find a prettier girl."
Me, melting, with disbelief (Dave? Saying nice things?): "Awww...."
Dave, continuing... "For under fifty grand."
Me: Punching him in the gut, and missing because he doesn't have a gut.
HE IS SO CUTE. He grunted at me until I stopped kissing his head, but I couldn't help it-- he is SO CUTE.
I had to get that out of my system.
As for what's been up with me lately... http://www.highrankings.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=1114&st=0
That's where I've been.
Yesterday T. took me aside and told me that the boss was unhappy with me, because I wasn't being respectful enough of him. And, besides that, the manager was unhappy because I dress like "i'm at home hanging out with my friends."
Yes, I wear skirts and pantyhose and blouses while at home hanging out with my friends. Sure. Fuck you. Anyhow.
So she explained to me that if I wanted to stay in this job, I'd have to shape up.
I was so angry I started crying, and used that as camoflage to do some quick calculations. Could I pay my rent on unemployment until the freelance copywriting gig started bringing in money? The quick answer was that it was too close to tell, and so I'd have to swallow some pride. If this had happened two or three months from now, I'd've said Know what? I'm not interested in making any changes to myself, because I'm a more effective worker this way, so you'd best go start looking for a replacement, and I'm going to go pack up my stuff and call a cab. But... no, it was not to be.
Dave was THE SWEETEST when I told him about it, and said he'd support whatever decision I made 100%, but that it would be financially very tough on us if I decided that my pride was more important than money. So, I decided that out of pride's sake, I was not getting fired-- I'm going to leave the corporate system when I'm good and ready, not when they tire of me. Fuck that. I'm not leaving because i can't hack it; I'm leaving because I've got better things to do with my life than muck about in the playpen with the babies.
Which is precisely what I feel like at work.
Especially given the following:
The boss wasn't in on Monday, which is when this happened. I had had a misunderstanding with him on Friday, and then had left because it was quittin' time, and so had he, after apparently expressing frustration to T. The manager, who was in on this on Monday, had been out for two weeks and had only returned on Monday, and had not spoken to the boss.
So...
T. pretty much manufactured the entire thing. I spoke to the boss today and as far as he seemed to give a care, nothing was wrong. If he'd really been baying for my blood on Friday, instead of just his normal complaining, I doubt he would have been so normal with me. So...
Yes, T. remains condescending and a tremendous impediment to me getting my job done. She pretends to be my friend, and all that, but if the manager expressed displeasure with my limited and somewhat shabby wardrobe during the summer, and she did not pass this on to me until NOW, then what kind of friend is that? She said she hadn't wanted to make an issue of it, but would give me a little more time to settle in and make some more money. Well, if nobody's mentioned it's a problem, and I've actually discussed it with her and said that it wasn't my priority, then how am I supposed to realize on my own that it's something I should look out for?
She then offered to take me shopping.
How fucking condescending can you be?
And I almost told her no fucking way am I going with you to Nordstrom's to buy a $70 freaking plain white blouse and some $300 cardigans, but then I decided that discretion was the better part of valor, so I sniffled about how I was cursed with awful fashion sense and I'd have to go visit my sister who works at the Gap for some wardrobe consulting. (And I did not say "god, I'd rather be dead than dress like you", for which I should be given a fucking medal.)
And I did look up unemployment benefits, and ascertained that I could probably afford to pay rent if they were my sole income, and could definitely afford it if the copywriting takes off, and I got the forbearance on my loans I'm entitled to if I'm unemployed, and so I'm seriously considering quitting my job just to leave fucking T. in the lurch. Our busiest season is coming up and she'll need me more than ever, and she picks NOW to try and intimidate me into being more biddable?
(Icing on cake: during discussion, she said my future plans may not include corporate environment, perhaps i'd be a freelance writer. now, i never mentioned that phrase to her before, and she does not know that i'm working on becoming one.)
So, my fantasy scenario, that gets me through the day, is now this:
"T, I've thought a lot about what you said, and I've come to the conclusion that it's bullshit. I've certainly learned a lot here, and one of the things I've learned is that I'm really not interested in wasting any more time with a company in as poor shape as this one. You can't manage, and you can't communicate, and your time management skills are a joke, and your interpersonal relationships seem to count on manufacturing complexity where it doesn't exist, and I don't care to suffer for that anymore. So I thought over your proposal, and I've decided to accept your offer to terminate my employment. It's just not going to work out; I have too many serious things to do than to waste effort attempting to conform to your version of corporate . And you gave me a great idea-- I'm going to be a freelance writer. I've already got a client. Great idea! Oh... uh... good luck with all the publications for the end-of-year event. I'm sure my replacement will pick them up in no time.
Oh, by the way, the economy's picking up so it's no longer a buyer's market. You won't get someone with my SEO skills for under fifty grand now. But that's ok... as long as nobody who knows SEO puts up a page about how much your company sucks, the job I did for you should hold up a while. Until the competitors learn how I did it."
Not that I'll do that. But still... it would be GREAT if they fired me, because then I'd be eligible for unemployment. Then I can work full-time at getting my business launched, and I could probably have it earning enough for a living within a fairly short timespan (Honestly... a month?). Unemployment would give me the cushion I needed to get it off the ground-- I know it's going to require full-time effort for some time before it gives full-time compensation, and at the moment I don't know how to go about that.
But, the sad fact is, I was never really in danger of losing my job, because it was just T. trying to be all managerial and prove to the manager that she's management material, which she's not. I do excellent work and they can't afford to lose me simply because I don't own cute shoes and don't plan on buying any.
So, I doubt I can manage to get myself fired.
The only good part of the whole situation is how sweet Dave was to me. That really meant a lot to me. He's the best, and I swear if I work from home, even if I have to work 60 hours a week from home, I will cook the most fabulous meals you can imagine for him, and maybe he'll even get fat. I will give him excellent homemade lunches every day, and I will clean the apartment, and I will bake him cookies and write him notes. Because he is The Best Ever, and a sweet boy besides.
When he's not busy being a bastard. Example:
Me, ranting: "And she actually said there are a million more people out there with coding skills as good as yours who are just as good as webmasters, so the boss doesn't have to put up with your shit. Well, that's where she's wrong! Maybe they'll find a prettier, more submissive girl, but they won't find one with my SEO and webmastering skills for under fifty grand!"
Dave, sweetly, "They won't find a prettier girl."
Me, melting, with disbelief (Dave? Saying nice things?): "Awww...."
Dave, continuing... "For under fifty grand."
Me: Punching him in the gut, and missing because he doesn't have a gut.
