![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dragonlady7lj seems screwed up again. notice i haven't been complaining much, as i haven't gotten around to renewing my paid account status yet.
mind you i did try. twice. once lj was fucked up and wouldn't load, and then when i came back, paypal was fucked up and wouldn't load. way to not get paid...
my eyes are dry and sticky and burning. i feel like it's 5:30. i feel munchy as hell but i know i've taken in far more calories than i needed today. yes i walked, but that's not that much exercise really. i've gained back all 6 pounds i lost in buffalo two weeks ago. in fact... i kept it off while dave was away, and i've already gained it back in what, four days? So I've established for certain that life really, truly sucks.
i want dinner. i mostly want to eat because i'm bored. and i've been good, and not done so. Eat, that is. Except for lunch, and that yogurt at midafternoon, and the soda. And I had a doughnut for breakfast. A big, fat, greasy, stale doughnut.
So maybe "good" is an overstatement.
My eyes hurt and i suck at css. i've been trying and trying and trying to get this to work, and have come to the realization that, in fact, i'm a shitty webdesigner. i can't implement anything complicated without a lot of help from others, mostly dave. i can't actually do either javascript or cascading style sheets. so, in short, i can only do the most basic of tasks.
i need to find something i like to do that i'm good at, but so far no good. i like to write and am a good writer but cannot do technical writing or even professional writing to save myself. i like to draw but suck. i enjoy hypertext and its related art forms but am not very good. i love singing but am not that good.
these are all depressing realizations.
i wish i could master this stupid webdesign thing. it's not that hard. millions of people do it. and yet simply setting my links to be ten points height is beyond me. i did it, and they're not. bollocks.
i've got about eight tutorials going and i've followed the instructions in every one and it still doesn't work.
i've probably spelled something wrong, but i can't find where. Or failed to close a bracket somewhere-- I do that all the time, and no amount of proofreading on my part will catch it. It's like when I lose something; if I can't find something, all I have to do is ask someone else where it is, and as their eyes move down to my hand, I will notice that I am in fact holding the disputed object there and have been throughout.
so, in short, my brain doesn't handle this very well.
What does my brain handle very well?
Well, not much. I'm not witty in conversation (often), i'm not skilled in debate (often), i have a shitty sense of balance, i'm athletically hopeless, i certainly can't get by on looks or charm...
my only talent lies in whining, which i do very, very well. but i can't use that to any effect-- i don't/can't manipulate people with my whining, so it's not that i get what i want by doing it.
so, in the end, i am a talentless hack. perhaps i should devote my life to optimizing my personal homepage to show up under 'talentless hack' ... oh wait, someone else has done that already, and better.
Thbbbtt.
And I don't even have a tragic life story to fall back on!!! Y'know... the kind where you look at someone and say yes she's a whiny bitch but look what she's gone through. I mean, her parents loved and supported her, and she went to fine schools, traveled abroad, graduated with a degree, has a job and a wonderful boyfriend and a chic apartment in a fabulous neighborhood convenient to so many of her favorite places. No wonder she's like that; her life is so hard, poor thing.
Sigh.
Livejournaling is an art. A healthy dose of whining makes it that much better...
Did I mention I'm fat again? Oh right, i did. Pthbbtt.
mind you i did try. twice. once lj was fucked up and wouldn't load, and then when i came back, paypal was fucked up and wouldn't load. way to not get paid...
my eyes are dry and sticky and burning. i feel like it's 5:30. i feel munchy as hell but i know i've taken in far more calories than i needed today. yes i walked, but that's not that much exercise really. i've gained back all 6 pounds i lost in buffalo two weeks ago. in fact... i kept it off while dave was away, and i've already gained it back in what, four days? So I've established for certain that life really, truly sucks.
i want dinner. i mostly want to eat because i'm bored. and i've been good, and not done so. Eat, that is. Except for lunch, and that yogurt at midafternoon, and the soda. And I had a doughnut for breakfast. A big, fat, greasy, stale doughnut.
So maybe "good" is an overstatement.
My eyes hurt and i suck at css. i've been trying and trying and trying to get this to work, and have come to the realization that, in fact, i'm a shitty webdesigner. i can't implement anything complicated without a lot of help from others, mostly dave. i can't actually do either javascript or cascading style sheets. so, in short, i can only do the most basic of tasks.
i need to find something i like to do that i'm good at, but so far no good. i like to write and am a good writer but cannot do technical writing or even professional writing to save myself. i like to draw but suck. i enjoy hypertext and its related art forms but am not very good. i love singing but am not that good.
these are all depressing realizations.
i wish i could master this stupid webdesign thing. it's not that hard. millions of people do it. and yet simply setting my links to be ten points height is beyond me. i did it, and they're not. bollocks.
i've got about eight tutorials going and i've followed the instructions in every one and it still doesn't work.
i've probably spelled something wrong, but i can't find where. Or failed to close a bracket somewhere-- I do that all the time, and no amount of proofreading on my part will catch it. It's like when I lose something; if I can't find something, all I have to do is ask someone else where it is, and as their eyes move down to my hand, I will notice that I am in fact holding the disputed object there and have been throughout.
so, in short, my brain doesn't handle this very well.
What does my brain handle very well?
Well, not much. I'm not witty in conversation (often), i'm not skilled in debate (often), i have a shitty sense of balance, i'm athletically hopeless, i certainly can't get by on looks or charm...
my only talent lies in whining, which i do very, very well. but i can't use that to any effect-- i don't/can't manipulate people with my whining, so it's not that i get what i want by doing it.
so, in the end, i am a talentless hack. perhaps i should devote my life to optimizing my personal homepage to show up under 'talentless hack' ... oh wait, someone else has done that already, and better.
Thbbbtt.
And I don't even have a tragic life story to fall back on!!! Y'know... the kind where you look at someone and say yes she's a whiny bitch but look what she's gone through. I mean, her parents loved and supported her, and she went to fine schools, traveled abroad, graduated with a degree, has a job and a wonderful boyfriend and a chic apartment in a fabulous neighborhood convenient to so many of her favorite places. No wonder she's like that; her life is so hard, poor thing.
Sigh.
Livejournaling is an art. A healthy dose of whining makes it that much better...
Did I mention I'm fat again? Oh right, i did. Pthbbtt.
