tried to post this at 1 but couldn't get through.

[dragonlady7]

I kept trying for about three hours to post this. I don't know what livejournal is up to. Bah humbug. So anyhow, here it is:
....
Just got a phone call from our HR/Payroll person.
"Hi. You were out three days in the last pay period. You have two personal days accrued. Would you like to take those two days and apply them towards the three, or would you rather take the three unpaid? Oh, by the way, I should extend my condolences; I forgot to earlier."

Oh, thanks, honey. Really. Thanks a lot.

(I looked it up. I get three days off if someone in my immediate family dies. That doesn't count in-laws, either, so even if I were actually married into the family, it wouldn't matter. Oh well. I also don't get any vacation until next year.)

My financial situation gets worse and worse, man, the more I work.
I haven't bought Dave so much as a pair of cufflinks to thank him for what, eight months rent-free? A lot.
I owe my folks $1800 still from when I was moving in.
I don't buy frivolous things. I buy food, and food for my frogs. I also go out to dinner once every two weeks. I buy lunch about once a week. I pay my bills and my rent. I save about $10 a month, seriously. I have no emergency-cash fund. That's it. I don't own a decent pair of shoes with nothing broken, scuffed, or scratched. I haven't bought a new outfit since I started working. I've bought one frivolous thing-- a wireless networking card so I could put my computer in my room instead of the living room. $40, I think. I work 40 hours a week and don't drive a car. And my savings now aren't enough to get me across the state: I have to get to Buffalo for Memorial Day Weekend-- I just have to. But it's $100 any way I go-- JetBlue, Amtrak... and I won't take a bus. And I can't freaking afford it.
I had to break down and ask Dave for rent. But wait-- his checkbook is here. He can't pay it.
Well, fuck.
Too damn bad, isn't it? I can pay rent if I don't pay my credit card or student loan bills. I don't know how much trouble I get in if I don't pay those. The credit card will charge me $3 and get on with life. The student loans I don't know about.

Sigh. Anyhow, thank you very much, work, for being so understanding of my troubles. I knew they'd do this, I was just hoping they'd be nicer about it.
Attending Dave's dad's funeral cost me $50. Sort of depressing, isn't it?
Well, fuck 'em. I did what I had to do.

Comments

this is from kat

[(Anonymous)]

Don't fear skipping the student loan payment. They usually don't even charge you a fee if you pay it by the next month's deadline. Of course, if you skip it for years, like Trevor did, they get REALLY angry. But then they just take your tax return. So you've got time.
You do get a reduced interest rate after 6 months of on-time payments with most loan agencies, however.

Re: this is from kat

[dragonlady7.livejournal.com]

The problem is the student loan bills are still going to my mom, and I seem to only get about every other one. So I don't know how many months it is since the bill's been paid, I just know it's more than twice what it usually is. *shrug* I don't like to let them go. I'm trying to start now in building up a decent credit rating; I want to buy a house as soon as I know where I'm going to want to live a while, and my apartment's lease expires in less than a year. It takes a long time to get good credit. :/

[eggplantia5.livejournal.com]

hang in there about the financial situation. it sucks, and it glares you in the face all the damned time, and it's depressing when you think of all you sacrifice and then find you still can't get even much less get ahead. but it takes a long time. it took me almost a year to finally break even- to not take more out of the bank than i put in. the only reason i am not in a worse situation is that my parents won't stop helping me out, and i get a lot of incidentals from them because they buy in bulk.

i really don't have anything encouraging to say, but just know you're not doing anything at all wrong, and there isn't anything you could really do to stretch your dollar. this is just the way it goes in the beginning. moving, and all the little things you need eat up a lot of the money you think you are saving. and then life just happens, and there is more money gone before it hits your pocket. it'll work out.

[dragonlady7.livejournal.com]

I'm glad to hear that it's not just me. Dave makes almost twice what i do and he doesn't manage to save much either, but then, he had to get a new car. I just feel like, there's so much I want to do, and I'm going to need money to do it. I don't know what the future is going to involve, but I want to be prepared. I don't want to miss out on opportunities because I blew all my dough on shoes. However, I also want to feel good about not blowing all my dough on shoes. I want to be rewarded for my sacrifices. It's depressing to realize that I'm not blowing any dough because I haven't got any to blow.
Sigh.
When Dave gets back I might have to have a conversation with him about how we split the rent. As it is, I tend to pay half, but since he makes so much more than me, I might have to ask him to pay a little more. He'd said it would be OK, but I hate it-- I don't like taking favors from people, and I still feel like his generosity in letting me stay with him for so long and asking me for nothing should be rewarded somehow.
But, I don't know.
Oh well.

Re:

[eggplantia5.livejournal.com]

i was very very very reluctant to accept any money from my parents. i wanted very badly to prove i could make it on my own. but the fact was, i could not have. oh, if i really lived bare bones, and starved myself and really counted every single penny, i could have scraped by without any help, but what's the point of living like that, right?

if you can help someone else, then you should do it. but if you're the one who needs help, you should accept it. because life is about compromise and maybe you just need a a few months or a year before you can return the favor. like everyone in my family and citibank is fond of saying- you can't spend your money when you're dead. there is being thrifty and there is being fanatical. i think you're doing fine, and you'll make it up to everyone you need to soon enough.

[dragonlady7.livejournal.com]

I owe my parents a bunch of money. I'm thinking that maybe if I work things out with Dave so I can pay less rent, I could put aside the money to pay them back. Either way I'm freeloading. But I know I can make it up to Dave someday. I don't feel too bad because I know I've improved his quality of life. However, I'm realizing just now that he improves my quality of life as well. So...
You're right, though; there's no virtue in stubbornly trying to make it on your own when others are offering help freely. Take their help and then when you can afford it, pay them back and pass on the goodwill to the next needy person.
My parents probably don't need the money back just now. They will this coming year when Ann starts college and the fact that Dad's retired really starts to tell on the finances. So I'll feel good paying it back then. That's what I tell myself.
Sigh.
We do what we gotta do.