(no subject)
Jun. 28th, 2002 01:35 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dragonlady7http://annielin.aquezada.com/giglist.htm
our dear friend annie is coming to the east coast again. a couple dates in NYC, july 16, 17th...
also, brockport on the 18th.
well well well.
shall we go?
perhaps.
we are still fans, after all.
and to watch her do that thing she does when she flips out... it's cute.
ah well.
i had hoped to have my sexy new york apartment and my sexy job by then.
but that's like... really soon.
and i'm starting to doubt my employability. I mean really, what CAN I do?
[I told you this would happen, once i was at home and intellectually stagnating! I used to think I could do anything, and now it's a big fucking deal for me to manage to answer my god damn email. I mean, I'm going nowhere, and I'm losing all motivation, and I can't even remember what kind of job I wanted in the first place. It's completely pathetic but precisely what I knew was going to happen.]
ARGH!
Why can I never fucking DO anything?
It's just... too many intermediate steps. I feel like there's no way I can get to a place where I have an apartment and a job. I have to do all these things in between, and I don't know how to do them. I need somehow to find little goals I can do, again. I have to feel like there's some task I can do, that I can finish.
Well, it's not my room. I can't make my room livable; i've been trying over a month now and am worse than when I started. It's not my weight; I'm eating less but exercising far less. It's not anything creative; with my room the way it is, i can barely get at my computer, and I just don't feel like I can do anything creative. Not photos, not writing, not hypertext. i'm forgetting everything I ever learned or came up with. I don't know. And it's not my social life. I've gone out three times since I got home. No wait, five; I went to watch hockey at kat's; i went to the mall with liesl, i went to saratoga with everybody, i ... forget. but i've gone out a few times. and what? What? Not much.
i feel like i'm not here but i'm not anywhere else. i never managed to unpack enough to find my god damn deodorant, and eventually just bought more! I can't find anything, I don't feel like I exist, I am not going anywhere, and I don't know how to get out.
I really wanted to do something constructive while visiting Dave but I'm fucked if I can think of anything.
Maybe just being somewhere else will make me feel like I _can_ do something.
Let's hope, because I'm getting pretty fucking sick of whining.
our dear friend annie is coming to the east coast again. a couple dates in NYC, july 16, 17th...
also, brockport on the 18th.
well well well.
shall we go?
perhaps.
we are still fans, after all.
and to watch her do that thing she does when she flips out... it's cute.
ah well.
i had hoped to have my sexy new york apartment and my sexy job by then.
but that's like... really soon.
and i'm starting to doubt my employability. I mean really, what CAN I do?
[I told you this would happen, once i was at home and intellectually stagnating! I used to think I could do anything, and now it's a big fucking deal for me to manage to answer my god damn email. I mean, I'm going nowhere, and I'm losing all motivation, and I can't even remember what kind of job I wanted in the first place. It's completely pathetic but precisely what I knew was going to happen.]
ARGH!
Why can I never fucking DO anything?
It's just... too many intermediate steps. I feel like there's no way I can get to a place where I have an apartment and a job. I have to do all these things in between, and I don't know how to do them. I need somehow to find little goals I can do, again. I have to feel like there's some task I can do, that I can finish.
Well, it's not my room. I can't make my room livable; i've been trying over a month now and am worse than when I started. It's not my weight; I'm eating less but exercising far less. It's not anything creative; with my room the way it is, i can barely get at my computer, and I just don't feel like I can do anything creative. Not photos, not writing, not hypertext. i'm forgetting everything I ever learned or came up with. I don't know. And it's not my social life. I've gone out three times since I got home. No wait, five; I went to watch hockey at kat's; i went to the mall with liesl, i went to saratoga with everybody, i ... forget. but i've gone out a few times. and what? What? Not much.
i feel like i'm not here but i'm not anywhere else. i never managed to unpack enough to find my god damn deodorant, and eventually just bought more! I can't find anything, I don't feel like I exist, I am not going anywhere, and I don't know how to get out.
I really wanted to do something constructive while visiting Dave but I'm fucked if I can think of anything.
Maybe just being somewhere else will make me feel like I _can_ do something.
Let's hope, because I'm getting pretty fucking sick of whining.
