(no subject)
Jun. 5th, 2002 10:30 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dragonlady7i was all excited to spend like all of last night online, but by the time everyone else was done with the computer, it was 1 am, and i was sleepy. i managed about a half-hour-- but none of it job-searching, really. so... maybe tonight. i can't spend the day doing it; it's the only phone line.
sigh. i so sleepy!!
i had things to say, but i don't remember them now. ... i'm feeling very flat lately, and being dislocated is probably a big factor. i don't know where anything is, and i don't know what to do with myself. if i had something to look forward to, or something i enjoyed doing... i don't like hunting for jobs, so that's not really a pastime i can get into. getting a job is a goal, but it's not a tangible goal; i've never had a rewarding job-hunting experience, so i can't focus on that as something to emulate. i've hated every job i've ever had. is it any wonder i can't get into this as an exciting thing?
and once i get a job (which WILL happen), i'll have to move-- and moving was so unpleasant this last time...
so anyhow, the things I look forward to, I also dread.
my point is that I have no joy in my life. so basically i'm a big whiner. It's annoyed you just to read this much. Imagine having to live AS one. you'd kill yourself, wouldn't you?
Fortunately, my ennui extends that far as well. it's not that bad, but it's not any good either. if things really were that bad at least i could channel my suffering into art, y'see. as it is... nah, i'm just terminally bored.
so anyhow...
that's enough for the morning; i'm tying up the phone line and not getting anything done.
here's hoping this doesn't post 11 times, like it did last night. having to go back and delete every one but the twelfth, revised version was annoying.
sigh. i so sleepy!!
i had things to say, but i don't remember them now. ... i'm feeling very flat lately, and being dislocated is probably a big factor. i don't know where anything is, and i don't know what to do with myself. if i had something to look forward to, or something i enjoyed doing... i don't like hunting for jobs, so that's not really a pastime i can get into. getting a job is a goal, but it's not a tangible goal; i've never had a rewarding job-hunting experience, so i can't focus on that as something to emulate. i've hated every job i've ever had. is it any wonder i can't get into this as an exciting thing?
and once i get a job (which WILL happen), i'll have to move-- and moving was so unpleasant this last time...
so anyhow, the things I look forward to, I also dread.
my point is that I have no joy in my life. so basically i'm a big whiner. It's annoyed you just to read this much. Imagine having to live AS one. you'd kill yourself, wouldn't you?
Fortunately, my ennui extends that far as well. it's not that bad, but it's not any good either. if things really were that bad at least i could channel my suffering into art, y'see. as it is... nah, i'm just terminally bored.
so anyhow...
that's enough for the morning; i'm tying up the phone line and not getting anything done.
here's hoping this doesn't post 11 times, like it did last night. having to go back and delete every one but the twelfth, revised version was annoying.
