klyaksa1 replied to your post “I feel like
Oct. 3rd, 2016 11:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dragonlady7via http://ift.tt/2dmKgrD:
klyaksa1
replied to your post
“I feel like I’ve been gone a long time and have missed many things….”
Wow, I’m sorry! It actually sounds like you handled things quite well, considering. I have to say, though, if someone is really too obtuse to get hints, you do need to get more direct and maybe not worry about being rude. Sounds like everyone there, including her son, would have been on your side.
Oh, absolutely– everyone would have been on my side, I was in a very supportive environment, and everyone I’ve told the story to has been suitably horrified-slash-amused. I don’t mean to complain bitterly or feel hard done by. I just thought it was *such* a good example of what an insensitive clod she is. I’m not sure if she even knows whether I’m single; Farmbaby mentioned my Dude and she was like, “who is that”. I actually don’t know whether she’s homophobic or anything, too; that’d’ve been another good tack to explore in my response. (I do know, horribly, that her ex-husband, B-I-L’s dad, is horribly homophobic, and B-I-L has valiantly attempted to debate him on the topic, to no avail; the man considers himself a devout [like, to the extreme] Christian and yet he seemed to actually be advocating for, like, religious tribunals to stone gay people to death, actually, and B-I-L was like hard yikes dad, hard yikes, way to not in any way have ever paid attention to Jesus there pal. B-I-L is sort of ceaselessly the more impressive in his Generally Being A Good Dude-ness when you investigate his origins in any kind of detail.)
agenderdaryl replied to your post “tardygrading replied to your post “I feel like I’ve been gone a…”
i mean as someone with both biological and emotional reasons that pregnancy Shouldn’t Happen, i’m all for ppl using that as a way to get inlaws off your back. a cold look and “i won’t ever get pregnant” with no other context can go pretty far, partucularly if your SO/sisters/ppl she might try and get deets from are in on it.
I suppose I should really take a moment and just be grateful that it’s not a sore topic for me, when I know it really is for so, so so many people. I know I’d’ve had kids if I’d had a partner who wanted them! I have no real reasons, only the fact that I don’t really have room for that sort of thing in my life, can’t get my own shit together much less anyone else’s, and have a wonderful, wonderful partner who knows himself well and who has never wanted children and has said so from the beginning of our relationship. There’s no Tragic Backstory, and that’s fine! There’s no particular reason, and that’s fine! There doesn’t have to be. I just feel so much worse for people for whom there is emotional baggage attached to that, because even my Easy Breezy Choice Lifestyle did take some hard thinking at various points in my life, and so I know it is infinity-thousand times worse if there’s anything Challenging attached to it, y’know?
Anyway.
What it came down to, really, at its core, is that she’s not even my in-law. She has zero connection to me and mine! It couldn’t have been more profoundly Not Her Business than this.
And my not-in-laws (not legally married, natch, means they’re not-in-laws) have never done anything of the sort to me! Nary a question, not so much as a funny look.
klyaksa1
replied to your post
“I feel like I’ve been gone a long time and have missed many things….”
Wow, I’m sorry! It actually sounds like you handled things quite well, considering. I have to say, though, if someone is really too obtuse to get hints, you do need to get more direct and maybe not worry about being rude. Sounds like everyone there, including her son, would have been on your side.
Oh, absolutely– everyone would have been on my side, I was in a very supportive environment, and everyone I’ve told the story to has been suitably horrified-slash-amused. I don’t mean to complain bitterly or feel hard done by. I just thought it was *such* a good example of what an insensitive clod she is. I’m not sure if she even knows whether I’m single; Farmbaby mentioned my Dude and she was like, “who is that”. I actually don’t know whether she’s homophobic or anything, too; that’d’ve been another good tack to explore in my response. (I do know, horribly, that her ex-husband, B-I-L’s dad, is horribly homophobic, and B-I-L has valiantly attempted to debate him on the topic, to no avail; the man considers himself a devout [like, to the extreme] Christian and yet he seemed to actually be advocating for, like, religious tribunals to stone gay people to death, actually, and B-I-L was like hard yikes dad, hard yikes, way to not in any way have ever paid attention to Jesus there pal. B-I-L is sort of ceaselessly the more impressive in his Generally Being A Good Dude-ness when you investigate his origins in any kind of detail.)
agenderdaryl replied to your post “tardygrading replied to your post “I feel like I’ve been gone a…”
i mean as someone with both biological and emotional reasons that pregnancy Shouldn’t Happen, i’m all for ppl using that as a way to get inlaws off your back. a cold look and “i won’t ever get pregnant” with no other context can go pretty far, partucularly if your SO/sisters/ppl she might try and get deets from are in on it.
I suppose I should really take a moment and just be grateful that it’s not a sore topic for me, when I know it really is for so, so so many people. I know I’d’ve had kids if I’d had a partner who wanted them! I have no real reasons, only the fact that I don’t really have room for that sort of thing in my life, can’t get my own shit together much less anyone else’s, and have a wonderful, wonderful partner who knows himself well and who has never wanted children and has said so from the beginning of our relationship. There’s no Tragic Backstory, and that’s fine! There’s no particular reason, and that’s fine! There doesn’t have to be. I just feel so much worse for people for whom there is emotional baggage attached to that, because even my Easy Breezy Choice Lifestyle did take some hard thinking at various points in my life, and so I know it is infinity-thousand times worse if there’s anything Challenging attached to it, y’know?
Anyway.
What it came down to, really, at its core, is that she’s not even my in-law. She has zero connection to me and mine! It couldn’t have been more profoundly Not Her Business than this.
And my not-in-laws (not legally married, natch, means they’re not-in-laws) have never done anything of the sort to me! Nary a question, not so much as a funny look.
