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dragonlady7via http://ift.tt/2aIVO3g:
Sometimes I get really insecure about Ideological Purity because I know I’m not smart enough / don’t have a long enough attention span to actually be able to maintain it for myself?
I don’t know how to express that better, because, and this is stupidly ironic given how many words I write in any given day, I actually sometimes have trouble describing what I mean?
Sometimes I feel like I maxed my stats in the intuitive/instinctive part of Creativity/Artistic Expression, and left myself absolutely nothing in Actual Interacting With The Real World.
How an epic-fic writer can have such a short attention span, I don’t know, but I can’t fucking complete a thought, and it’s maddening.
I’m not expressing it well at all, but. Let me try again. I feel like all my morality winds up gray because I lack the intellectual rigor to actually clearly delineate between Good and Bad the way that is generally accepted.
Is it intellectual rigor? I don’t know. I just know whatever it is I don’t have it. I’m like, doing really visually-uninteresting interpretive dances across minefields and I can’t tell whether the spectators are applauding or screaming, sometimes. Even if I could tell, would I be able to decide whether they were excited for my performance, alarmed at my potential demise, or excited at my potential demise while alarmed at my terrible performance? Would it matter?
(Maybe everyone else is wrong, and are drawing their lines in the sand in inappropriate places. How do I tell?)
Sometimes I get really insecure about Ideological Purity because I know I’m not smart enough / don’t have a long enough attention span to actually be able to maintain it for myself?
I don’t know how to express that better, because, and this is stupidly ironic given how many words I write in any given day, I actually sometimes have trouble describing what I mean?
Sometimes I feel like I maxed my stats in the intuitive/instinctive part of Creativity/Artistic Expression, and left myself absolutely nothing in Actual Interacting With The Real World.
How an epic-fic writer can have such a short attention span, I don’t know, but I can’t fucking complete a thought, and it’s maddening.
I’m not expressing it well at all, but. Let me try again. I feel like all my morality winds up gray because I lack the intellectual rigor to actually clearly delineate between Good and Bad the way that is generally accepted.
Is it intellectual rigor? I don’t know. I just know whatever it is I don’t have it. I’m like, doing really visually-uninteresting interpretive dances across minefields and I can’t tell whether the spectators are applauding or screaming, sometimes. Even if I could tell, would I be able to decide whether they were excited for my performance, alarmed at my potential demise, or excited at my potential demise while alarmed at my terrible performance? Would it matter?
(Maybe everyone else is wrong, and are drawing their lines in the sand in inappropriate places. How do I tell?)
