plato’s allegory of the fucking sunrise

[dragonlady7]

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I woke irrevocably at 4:05 this morning, with no cat intervention, and I was happy enough to lie there and rest, as I’ve found that can help me from getting too sleep-deprived in situations like that, but then I started thinking about Current Events so whoooo ok I got out of bed then.

(So! Many! Innocent! People! Are Getting! Hurt! sobs)

Anyway. So my original plan was that I was gonna get my next chapter up on Friday like my old schedule was, but then the chapter wasn’t done, so then I was like fine I’ll finish it over the weekend and do it Monday, and somehow? despite me working on it? for kind of a while? it didn’t write the rest of itself! Shocked and upset.

So anyway I worked on it quite a bit on Monday and to my dismay it is still not done. Come on I wrote like a bunch! How come I couldn’t find the end of the scene? I even know what happens. C’mon can’t I just like– come on fill yourself in the rest of the way all we’ve got left is the– oh.

oh the sex scene. C’mon that’ll take like. no time. No worries.

Ha. Anyway. I did get a bunch more done on that. Normally when I wake early in the morning I just get ready and go in to work. But I could not actually leave the house before 5am that would be actually insane. So I sat at Dude’s work desk and looked at my computer, and after a moment I heard a noise behind me and realized, there in the dark, Chita had been asleep on the guest-bed in that room, and she had seen me there and started purring. So she came and head-bonked with me for a while, and then crawled into my arms so she could get kisses while I kept working. (I lost circulation in one arm, where she had her little paws carefully draped over the crook of my elbow, but it was a very small price to pay.)

And yet the scene still isn’t done, so. I can’t put it up today either, likely. (Somehow I have outstripped my poor betas, despite this crawling agonizing slow progress. Yes, I just have betas read the live doc, we live on the edge. Mostly it’s that they’re saints. Yes, I went un-edited for years, and it worked out sort of okay, but I never managed anything this long before. Shit eventually stacks up, where you thought you said something you didn’t, and then the thing doesn’t hold together, is my working theory. I don’t know, but I’m off the edge here.)

I’ve done all the hard parts. But. Yeah probably I need to do a sex scene here. It’s already almost 5k long so it won’t be a long one. But it’s– that’s maybe the worst part, it’s not even like this is a long chapter, it’s just taking me for fucking ever. But if I finish this story, then we’re solidly in the I-already-wrote-this phase and I could make faster progress, probably.

Ha I can’t even bitch that if I don’t post I get no comint, there’s someone doing a reread of the entire Meet Death Sitting series leaving me paragraph-long comments on every fucking chapter, and this person is a hero or possibly a saint, am beginning my petitions for canonization even as I struggle to focus my eyes on an entire analytical essay in my inbox when I first wake up– bless you, darling, I did intend that character point but I had not until this moment noticed the underlying theme.

Also. Like. if you aren’t subscribed, sassaffrass/ cacheth https://tmblr.co/mRy2YsWvd0yXN7L8ZIjdOlA has been updating inclusions https://archiveofourown.org/works/37236091?view_full_work=true and I kind of mostly just keep looking at the pretty pictures. Also boner jokes https://archiveofourown.org/works/37236091/chapters/93279037.

Anyway my mood is real shitty but it’s not because of this, it’s because I’m at work and I’ve just noticed a reflection on the wall in the other room outside the windowless one I sit in, and I’ve confirmed it’s the light from a very pretty sunrise I can in no way see any of, and I can’t see the sky or anything of the outdoors and I live in this fluorescent hell and it’s too cold in here and the VHS transfer is making annoying fucking noises and I’ve been freezing since I woke up so everything seems very bad.

But actually the writing is going well. Just, slower than I want. And I’m not beating myself up over that, it’s just that everything else is beating me up. (Your picture was not posted)