![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dragonlady7via http://ift.tt/20XwNTQ:
Look. I don’t have a favorite task at work, because literally all I do is work around broken shit with inadequate space and tools. I sit in a neglected corner I have to climb into, at a computer so underpowered I frequently forget what i was doing while it chugs away, then crashes. Every single thing I do is securely under the banner of It Doesn’t Matter. I don’t matter. I can’t have a raise. I cant have a better tool, I can’t have any accommodation that would make my job easier.
Old boss used to hammer on explicitly about us not deserving nice things and on the one hand, that’s ridiculous, but on the other had, that shit is like custom tailored to bind to my receptors.
And basically everything I do all day every day is shit that I am terrible at.
But if I don’t even have the executive function to reliably pee when I need to, expecting that somehow I’m going to Find Myself A Better Job is approximately like expecting me to learn to fly. No, I don’t know what else to do. What talents do I have? I don’t fucking know, have i ever?
I work unpaid for my sister because not only can she not afford me, I also can’t really do anything they’d pay for anyway. Mostly I do the cooking and childcare and free up my sister for paid work.
Ugh I am the dictionary definition of worthless according to capitalism, and all I want to do is not think about that, but it is really difficult to think about anything else, some days.
Look. I don’t have a favorite task at work, because literally all I do is work around broken shit with inadequate space and tools. I sit in a neglected corner I have to climb into, at a computer so underpowered I frequently forget what i was doing while it chugs away, then crashes. Every single thing I do is securely under the banner of It Doesn’t Matter. I don’t matter. I can’t have a raise. I cant have a better tool, I can’t have any accommodation that would make my job easier.
Old boss used to hammer on explicitly about us not deserving nice things and on the one hand, that’s ridiculous, but on the other had, that shit is like custom tailored to bind to my receptors.
And basically everything I do all day every day is shit that I am terrible at.
But if I don’t even have the executive function to reliably pee when I need to, expecting that somehow I’m going to Find Myself A Better Job is approximately like expecting me to learn to fly. No, I don’t know what else to do. What talents do I have? I don’t fucking know, have i ever?
I work unpaid for my sister because not only can she not afford me, I also can’t really do anything they’d pay for anyway. Mostly I do the cooking and childcare and free up my sister for paid work.
Ugh I am the dictionary definition of worthless according to capitalism, and all I want to do is not think about that, but it is really difficult to think about anything else, some days.
