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[dragonlady7]

via https://ift.tt/3AQZcE2

i meant to post that last chapter of peace-tied today but i slept badly with my hip really bothering me and i woke up in pain and i had to do a whole lot of work today hobbling around with my fucking hip like, throbbing, idk, it’s radiating down into my knee at this point and i don’t know what the fuck is wrong and why none of my tricks– ibuprofen, prop it with a pillow, wear orthotics, do periodic specific stretches– are working to give me any relief at all but they’re not so

I cleaned the slaughterhouse this morning just… gently weeping as I worked, it hurts and ALSO, probably more to the point, I am so tearingly sad about how we’re gonna throw my beloved father into a hole on Friday forever and ever and that’s that and I know he’s been gone nine months already but I kind of put off really dealing with that entirely because i was like oh we haven’t had the funeral yet we’ll do that and then i’ll process my feelings etc and guess fucking what that bill is coming due now. anyway.

like all those metaphors about grief, how it’s got ragged edges and how it catches on stuff and how it’s messy and so on, all those are absolutely correct and also i am in unrelenting physical pain so that’s unexpectedly vivid and i am not super pumped about any of that.

both my brothers in law continued work on the cabin today in varying amounts. each of them separately was like “you guys are having a hard time this week huh.” i was trying very hard to be cheerful and useful and such and clearly was not doing great at it.

we have a bunch of the timber framing bit all cut properly and notched and laid out and whatnot. it’s great. i’m extremely grateful.

i’m so tired, and it just won’t stop hurting, and i absolutely cannot get myself together at the moment to post that fucking story, it needs one more brief editing pass and i am just incapable. sorry.

also i’ve had the theme song for a PBS kids’ show stuck in my head for two days and let me tell you there is a horrifying grim aesthetic to sobbing quietly as you do repetitive physical labor and also sing a children’s show theme song under your breath. don’t particularly recommend. deffo one of the circles of hell. nope. (Your picture was not posted)

Comments

[j00j]

<3 I'm sorry you're dealing with this pain and grief.

If the hip is sciatica I'm happy to trade tips.

The story will get there when it gets there and we'll enjoy it when it does.

Hoping today is a little bit easier.

[dragonlady7]

i appreciate the concern. <3 it's not sciatica, i've had that before; it's more to the side, and doesn't usually radiate. i have hypermobile shoulders, and i think it's hypermobility in my hips so it's not properly seated in the joint all the time, and i just don't really know what to do about that.

[j00j]

Ughhhh deeply uncool, bodies, why you gotta pull this shit?
I have had a whole TMI thing involving a hyper mobile tailbone and an osteopath who can do the manipulations and PT were both helpful but those require access and insurance and all that jazz :/

[dragonlady7]

i have insurance but cannot figure it out and ugh.
i dn't have a hypermobile tailbone at least, i don't think. i do get weird lil clickies a lot in my lower back, new this year, which i don't like. but boo.

[j00j]

Figuring out insurance shit is a total pain in the ass. Let me know if you want advice, we have a lot of experience due to family health issues.