the struggle

[dragonlady7]

do so many things, adhd chronicles

via https://ift.tt/3DFQ9HE

yesterday i worked a 10 hour day. throughout, i was struggling with a total inability to focus. on my fifth consecutive day of office work, i was so understimulated that i couldn’t like. do simple tasks. i would begin them and forget what i was doing and space out for 20-minute intervals. it was just– it was physically painful, like spiritually agonizing, to sit in that chair.

i read several tutorials on leatherworking, purely by accident. i had any number of conversations online. i compulsively scrolled tumblr, and then would close the window and then open twitter on my phone and scroll compulsively. i just– it was so much.

of course just past the 8-hour mark was when the warehouse guy kept calling me, and i started having to deal with him. first he was like “we sold 8 of this product and i’ve only got 3 in stock but inventory says the store downstairs has 10 so can you ship them” so i double-checked, confirmed this, and then went down and

well the store only had 2, despite what the inventory said. one of the clerks took pity on me and helped me search, and ascertained that, no, there were only 2 of that item, despite the inventory very clearly saying there were 10.

then warehouse guy gave me a list of three other items saying they were at the store but he didn’t have them. so i spent a horrifyingly long time i don’t like to dwell on searching high and low, dragged in a clerk to help me, found exactly where they should be, they weren’t there. finally a clerk double-checked the inventory. “no,” she said, “it doesn’t say we have these.”

Warehouse Guy had just wanted me to check and see, since sometimes the inventory is wrong. but the way he’d worded it, it had made it sound very clearly like he’d looked and surely we had them. ARGH.

(saying “could you check and see” would have prepared me a lot more than “well the inventory says you’re supposed to have ten of those things, I don’t know. I have three other backorders– the inventory says– well can– yeah there’s– i have three items– these things in this list– [rattles off UPC codes]– order number XXXX, and XXXX, and i guess that one’s ebay, do you see them in the list there yeah– do you have those– the inventory says– well you have those things I think, so if you can fill those orders, you know we gotta fill the orders or Amazon dings us, so we just gotta fill these, if you have those, if you can send those out that’d be great” which is how warehouse guy really talks except I omitted all the “ahhhh…. uhhhh…. ummm well– well see’s” that make up most of it. no i don’t know if he’s got any formal diagnosis but also understand i had the phone lying on the desk and no it wasn’t on speaker he just shouts all the time, and it was a 7-minute phone call.)

anyway

Today I have zero focus either, and this is the first day that I am 1) at home 2) not at work 3) not preparing to imminently drive anywhere since mmmm June? so I am anxious not to squander it, but.

believe, I am squandering it.

I ahd a list of things to do but i can’t find the list. but while looking for the list I did find a paycheck I’d forgotten to deposit from July. Which is great! Needed that. It will almost cover the shoes I bought. Yeah, I bought shoes! to replace the two pairs that the soles fell off of! except I didn’t find good water shoes, so I still ahve to replace those. but I spent more than a paycheck on new hiking/work boots, new flip-flops with ortho support to replace the filthy ones I wear daily, and some Birkenstocks because whomst among us has not secretly coveted Birkenstocks for a number of years?

of course i ordered them online and they are not yet here so i am devastated by this, because spending money hurts and can only be assuaged by the serotonin of acquiring things but I haven’t acquired anything yet. Woe.

at least it’s a beautiful day and i’m getting laundry done.

i’m also listening to both the loud radio of the Lorenzos down the street who are doing construction work, and “enter sandman” on the same mixtape from last year that the high school across the street plays three times a week for football shit.

I am maybe going to retreat to the basement and try to get myself to sew something, though that may require more focus than i’ve got. worth a try though. (Your picture was not posted)