snippet post

[dragonlady7]

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I have been wanting to do a snippet post for a while but nothing succinct and good came to mind, and then today I was trying to write something else (this was meant to be three lines of dialogue, some eye-rolling, and a transitional scene) and this happened instead.

This has absolutely no plot-significance at all, you’re welcome, but I am so incredibly amused by it that I cannot resist.

Yes, it features Iorveth, of Witcher 2, and Ves, who‘s primarily in Witcher 2 but appears in Witcher 3 as well– Roche’s lieutenant with the Tits Out For Temeria look.

A tree-frog trilled incongruously, not loud but close, in the shadows by the hallway on the far side of the room. Iorveth squinted suspiciously at it. It was– firstly, it was November in Vergen, there were no tree frogs currently seeking mates, which was what that call was for. Secondly they were indoors. Thirdly, it was not a signal his people used, favoring mostly bird-calls. Fourthly– He frowned, glanced around to confirm no one was particularly watching him, and shoved off his wall, stalking over toward the errant tree frog. It was a Blue Stripes signal: his memory helpfully supplied him with the recollection of another wayward tree-frog noise before an ambush. Great.

He wasn’t entirely surprised to find that awful Ves creature waiting in the shadows, looking extremely put-upon, and far too clothed. She glared at him, then turned and walked farther down the hallway, and he followed her. “Tch,” he said, “you’re sober enough to have your whole shirt on, this is dreadfully dull of you.”

[…]

She stared at him in astonishment for a moment. “Iorveth,” she said, and it sounded so jarring to hear that name from her mouth. He didn’t think she’d ever addressed him directly before. “I didn’t know it was possible for me to hate you more than I already did but I do.” Her tone was almost reluctantly admiring.

“I have many talents,” he said, and on impulse he added, “and did you know my name isn’t Iorveth?”

She stared at him in complete dumbfoundment. “It’s not? What is it?”

He laughed. “Oh, I will never tell you that,” he said. “I just thought it might infuriate you to know it. That’s part of my talent.”

“You’re a genius,” she said, reluctantly admiring.

“We can’t go soft, in peacetime,” Iorveth said. “We’ve got to keep our edge, Vesemira.”

She bit off a furious shriek. “Where did you–” she hissed furiously through her teeth.

“Please,” Iorveth said, skipping back out of range of her lunge, “that name has gone in and out of fashion a dozen times in the last two centuries, there is literally no other name that gets abbreviated to Ves on a dh’oine woman. I haven’t actually looked into you or your past at all, Vesemira, it’s just not hard to guess.”

[…]

“I’ll throw my wine on you and shriek,” Iorveth said, “and tell everyone you were making inappropriate advances. You know that’s a tree frog’s mating call, that you lot do, it’s very jarring.”

“Are you a tree frog?” she asked. “You’re offended that I talked dirty to you in tree frog?”

“You said the most shocking things,” Iorveth said, mock-primly. “Now give me the message and get out, you’ve offended my delicate sensibilities.”

anyway henceforth in the background for the rest of the extended universe Ves and Iorveth have a bizarre and somewhat hostile in-joke where she pretends that she thinks elves turn into tree frogs to mate and Iorveth pretends that this is true.

This is notable because really nowhere else in her life does Ves display any notable sense of humor, and this bizarre inside joke is played so deadpan on both sides that Roche has no fucking idea what’s going on.

in fact it’s played so deadpan that when Roche is finally forced to admit that he’s fucking Iorveth, Ves (who saw this coming and has had ample time to prepare) says “ah fuck the tree frog call works” and Roche is so dumbfounded by this he can’t really react as the situation requires.

I’ve no idea if I’ll manage to do any of that justice but just know, that’s the background, even if I never manage to incorporate it. (Your picture was not posted)