dragonlady7

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biggest-gaudiest-patronuses https://biggest-gaudiest-patronuses.tumblr.com/post/638774970816888832/ok-but-if-letting-your-kid-use-a-different-name :

ok but if letting your kid use a different name & different words & wear different clothing is scientifically likely to improve their health & happiness https://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/137/3/e20153223 and lower their risk of suicide https://twin.sci-hub.st/5893/ae6920a4cca34f309ae389d1a9a9d9cf/connolly2016.pdf, whether or not they change their minds later https://www.vox.com/2018/10/22/18009020/transgender-children-teens-transition-detransition-puberty-blocking-medication….does it really matter whether you personally “get it”? does it even matter if you’re comfortable with it?

if you’ve got all this science https://www.socialworktoday.com/news/dn_022916.shtml telling you that letting your kid do these things is going to make them* happier & healthier* than not letting them….then just tell them it’s ok.

it’s not your kid’s job to be the child you wanted. it’s your job to make choices that allow them to be the happiest version of themselves. make sure your kid knows that you will love and support them no matter what gender they present as. make sure they know they don’t have to *hide. *

i was thinking about this the other day, and neopronouns and “new-fangled genders” and people being cranky about this sort of thing. And then my niece decided that for the day she was a cat named Cupcake and wouldn’t answer to her own name. And all of the adults present adapted, some of us with more ease than others, to remembering to call her Cupcake and to decipher what she was saying in meows instead of demanding she use words and such.

And like. Who wouldn’t do that? Who among us hasn’t done that? This kid is playing a game and as part of it she’s got a different name and you need to address her differently, and she feels strongly about it. I mean, it’s more common if you’ve got an only child around, sure, but I remember doing this as as one of a large brood of children; part of the game was that we demanded that the adults play along. It’s super normal and it’s super common.

And if you, the adult, won’t play along, it makes you an asshole. The kid is learning important stuff about being consistent and having, like, an attention span, ok (and about which of the adults in her life she can trust, hm?), and your participation is important for this, and if you won’t do it, that makes you an asshole. Above all else, it’s not like it’s going to in any way hurt you or impede your precious dignity to play the goddamn game with the kid. The kid is a cat named Cupcake. You don’t have to understand it. You don’t even have to know how to pronounce it; you just have to make some kind of effort. You can even negotiate boundaries around it– ok you can meow at me, Cupcake, but it stresses me out if that’s all you do, can we give this cat a few words just so I can keep up?– and that’s helpful because you’re engaging and buying-in if you do it earnestly or playfully enough.

That is the play version of the really important real-life version that is respecting people’s pronouns and identity and shit. Just like a lot of kids’ play is practice for really important shit. If this kid can’t trust you to help her play a game of imagination– which she fucking needs to do, to develop her brain properly, play is so goddamned important for kids– then this kid can’t trust you with actual important things in her life, and kids are forgiving but many of them won’t exactly forget.

The stakes are really fucking high. You don’t have to understand it; it’s not really about you. Your only job here is to either be an asshole, or be a decent fucking human being. (Your picture was not posted)