dragonlady7

involved myself in drama because it's not like it could hurt more, maybe i involved myself in drama to feel something, maybe because i'm sick of watching bullies, who knows, i sure as fuck don't, just keep swimming

via https://ift.tt/38vWMio

i can’t find it now, of course, but one of the comments on the latest keira/lambert/aiden chapter was like “wow ur so productive during these dark times! i admire u!” and like

i appreciate the admiration but understand that I wrote like 100k of that story in a fugue state in mid-November, when things were just a normal amount of dark.

i have written approximately 2k words and none in any particular order since i got the news that my dad was dead on the 21st of december. most days have been single-digit wordcounts. Januaries have always been my worst month; every year I barely make it through. This one is earthshatteringly bad, specifically and in general.

so this is all momentum. i’ve been editing, i’ve been pecking studiously away and trying to figure out the shape going forward, but like

no, I’m not getting a whole lot done, and I’m planning on coasting on this momentum until I can move again on my own. I hope I have enough written ahead, but if I don’t, well. I’ll keep pecking.

just. full disclosure.

i’m not posting this to get pity i’m posting this because i know people beat themselves up about shit and it is important to me that you know that i am not doing shit right now, besides my best, which isn’t very much. but it’s all momentum.

so thank you extra-much if you’ve left comments and stuff because that’s a lot of help, momentum-wise, and shit is fucked and I’m going to come out the other side, and so are you, but fuck (Your picture was not posted)