how *am* i doing, really

[dragonlady7]

why so much despair, who knows, (everyone knows)

via https://ift.tt/2KcIp8Y

So I’ve reacted to the Near-COVID-Scare at work (i never did hear about that one guy’s test or not! by now it’s been so long that if he had it, it’s over! he’s back, i just leave the room whenever he comes in. it’s not actually hard, given my particular position) i’ve been getting real antisocial at work. Anyone comes into my office, I find a reason to go out of it. (It’s not hard to find a pretext, and I can hear people coming so usually I’m just coming out the door, like oh hi fancy meeting you here.) I stand in the hallway a lot to talk to people at a distance. And I try to avoid being downstairs at all when there are any customers.

my latest ploy is that since i wake up at 5am anyway because of this cursed flesh-hull that is my body, I just. Come to work. i’ve been starting at the very reasonable time of 7am lately– it delights Chita, as I get out of bed and let her go sit in the driveway for 20 minutes while I make coffee and pack my lunch– and it works if I remember to lay my clothes out the night before because Dude only gets out of bed before 7am if I’m not trying to leave the house, and since he sleeps in the room with my clothes that means I can’t get dressed in there before he’s up– and that means I can go home at 3pm. Which means I go home, ride the exercise bike for the duration of one episode of the Untamed (I’m up to ep 42 now and I’m gonna run out, sob), which gives me about 10 miles, and then i can shower (or not, I’m gross) and change into loungewear, do the dishes, and make dinner so it’s done at like 5:15, and then collapse into despair for the long evening until I go to bed at like 9pm and roll around restlessly.

So all but that last bit is going well and I need to think of something besides just frantically staying busy, which isn’t sustainable.

I’ve given up feeling guilty about not walking my commute, because I did that all last winter and it tore the shit out of my hip and lower back and feet, and maybe I just needed better shoes but which better shoes and I tried better shoes and maybe four miles a day on flat poorly-maintained concrete just isn’t good for me and oh well whatever. Having my chair properly adjusted at work and riding the exercise bike so I don’t get atrophied seems to be doing the trick and I don’t limp at all lately, which is what I want, so I’m not going to feel guilty about driving my car ten miles a week.

Oh I also managed to buy new waterproof office-worker winter-y boots for the days when my Snow Boots O’Doom aren’t appropriate, which is something I’d been procrastinating for two years and I’d had fifteen Zappos tabs open for like oh eight months about it, so. I don’t actually care for them much but they fit the bill so I’m keeping them. (Trying wool socks today…)

Going to put up the next chapter of the Keira/Lambert/SPOILER fic today, which literally everyone who cares already knows who the spoiler is, so. We’ll see. I need like. Titles, for everything, so that’s the hold-up.