a deep thought maybe? on demisexuality

[dragonlady7]

terminology question, idk what to tag this

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There should be a concise and succinct term for this identity that I both am and have encountered many many times. Like, whenever I try to describe it, i get people coming out of the woodwork to be like “OMG ME TOO”, to the point that I think it’s incredibly common. But there’s no word for it!

Firstly, it’s being demisexual, right, so you generally don’t feel sexual attraction to people, but then when you do it’s like, you sure do, right? Just, only for specific people.

But also you’re bi, because when you do feel sexual attraction to somebody, it sure as shit has nothing to do with which parts they’ve got. Like, it matters that they have parts, it’s not a nonsexual thing at all, but what’s actually there? what their actual specific equipment is? absolutely not relevant, unimportant. what kind of sex do you like? sex with that person. That’s what it is.

And yet to describe this, which is by and large not a particularly sexual identity, right? you have to use the word sexual twice, and it sounds so clunky, and it doesn’t sound like what it is, you have to have studied all the relevant spectra to even have a clue what those words are supposed to mean.

There should be a one-word identity for that. Because those aren’t two separate aspects of what I am, that is all one piece– I only experience sexual attraction for specific people, but specifically it does not matter where those people are on the gender spectrum.

Maybe I just hate the word “demisexual”, which does not in any way sound like what it is. “Gray-ace” isn’t much better. I am a whole person and a whole sexual person and none of those convey what I am very well. And bisexual is a venerable and ancient term with which I have no dispute, but people definitely, definitely assume “bisexual” means “not picky” when this is extremely the opposite of that.

I am Specific Person Only Sexual, which means that I only experience sexual attraction for specific people, but those specific people do not fall into a category.

(It can be fleeting! I don’t have to be In Love with a person to experience this! i can work up a sexual attraction for fictional characters that then goes away once I’m out of that headspace! [i can work up a sexual attraction for a real person who has some personality aspect that enchants me that later when i am not in their presence i can be like what the fuck was I thinking!] yes really! people think demisexual means you have to fall in love before you magically have the pantsfeelings and that’s very sweet but what you’re thinking of is fairy-tale monogamy. maybe that’s how it works for some demisexuals but let me tell you, those demisexuals have much tidier lives than I do. No, for me it’s a sense of humor thing I think, and like, ok, it doesn’t happen at first sight, but that doesn’t mean it’s True Love either.)

(relatedly: the concept of Having A Type is super super super super alien to me. You know those guys who just date the same woman over and over again, where you genuinely can’t tell their girlfriends apart from their exes because they all have the same approximate features and shape and coloring? what the fuck. how does that work. how is that a thing. even those thirst posts where somebody’s collected a bunch of similar-looking celebrities. what the fuck. those aren’t the same person. what are you experiencing from this? i do not understand. i’m not judging because i literally don’t understand. i genuinely cannot tell what’s going on. oh relatedly-relatedly: those posts where someone’s like “ah, body part” and have a bunch of photos of that body part. what?? is this about?? i don’t get that. no, i… have sex with people… not their body parts… i can’t handle all this like deep questions of the self shit, i just want to get horny sometimes, what is all this???? I don’t get it. LOL. I don’t know where this whole parenthetical aside is going, I’m just including it because it seems like it might be relevant or related to my going theory that Allosexuals Are Aliens.)