replies on misc, whining edition

[dragonlady7]

whining

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sonnetsandswingouts https://sonnetsandswingouts.tumblr.com/ replied to your post “got a flaccid heart today lads” https://bomberqueen17.tumblr.com/post/625657438052450304/got-a-flaccid-heart-today-lads

Not whining at all! I spent a while last year living in a friend’s spare room because I didn’t have a place of my own, and the feeling like you have to scrunch yourself down, not really having privacy, living out of a car + suitcase…yeah. that sucks. I’m sorry that’s where you’re stuck right now, it’s enough to set off anyone’s depression. Add me to the list of internet strangers willing to be an internet friendly shoulder if you need one. :hug:

I feel a bit silly because I do have a house, I’ve lived in that house for 15 years with my dude. He bought it without me but all my stuff is there and there’s no objection to my being there at all, except that he wants me to have less stuff, as everyone in the world does so I understand that. I just keep taking on these volunteer things where I go away. But my job is so underpaid and meaningless and the farm work is so meaningful but unpaid, and I’m not contributing much of anything financially to anything in the world, and anyway. It’s all a mess, and one of my own making, and if I were decisive… but if I make a decision, that means I have to lose something, and if I don’t I can indefinitely live on in no-place making no forward progress… (anyway I have a tag I use on this blog for autobiographical non-essays that’s called “whining”, also)

Anyway– your situation sounds like it was genuinely rough and I do have all the sympathy. It does sound like you’ve wound up somewhere better now and I hope that continues and is stable.

mikkeneko https://mikkeneko.tumblr.com/ replied to your post “old bones” https://bomberqueen17.tumblr.com/post/625812293755813888/old-bones

Hm… Air mattress?

I had an air mattress in the yurt for the first, mm, two years I was out there. Maybe three. And it got progressively shittier, I replaced it once and then the internal supports went wonky and it was bizarrely misshapen and finally I was like, I don’t want to live like this, I don’t have to live like this, and I bought myself a real mattress and had it for a year, and then the second year I had it, I burned the yurt down at the end. and boy it was a pain in the ass to pick all those little springs out of the ashes. It was a lot of springs.

Anyway I made myself a little promise that i wasn’t going to have to sleep on an air mattress again.

Hilariously some of the only debris to survive is part of one of those air mattresses, I cut it in half and used the two parts as tarps and one of them was below the platform so when everything burned it was spared, and it’s currently sitting over the buckets full of springs I picked out of the ashes when I cleaned up out there. God, all of that was so depressing and I need to get back over there and haul the scrap metal buckets to the scrap metal pile that of course the farm has… I really don’t want to, I don’t want to look at it or think about it, but it’s almost worse if I don’t because where there’s a junk pile, people put more junk, and the longer I leave it the more work I end up having to do but at least it’ll dilute the painful bit, if also prolong it…

any how i have just written this in a haze of being freshly-woken and having trouble adjusting to consciousness so later I can reread this and be like “was that a sentence”, but at the moment this all seems great.