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dragonlady7via https://ift.tt/3cc5P7j
So I scooted home to Buffalo yesterday as homeschooling ended. Sunny drive home, reunited with my babey cat, went over to Dude’s mom’s house for hot dogs (or, as he and his mother call them in a parody of one of the local accents which is more them being goofy than anything else but uh don’t underestimate those wacky Great Lakes vowels guys: Hat Dags). We had pleasant conversation, and then went and raided the games cabinet in search of fun games Dude had played as a tiny child. Alas, the Little Kid games had gotten cleaned out at some point, and I came away only with a super-vintage copy of Twister, with the Twister board printed on vinyl canvas of startlingly high quality. I’ll try that one with the Chaos Gnomes later.
I asked her for ideas on how to keep the kids occupied and she said “I just always told people dark closets do wonders” and Dude and his sister would always make serious faces and nod in fake fearfulness. But then Dude talked about how they used to spend a bunch of time exploring the crawlspace that used to exist in the house, and his mom talked about how she used to do the same as a kid– she grew up in that house too– and so there was a grain of truth to it. (MAYBE we need to make the kids a fort or playhouse somewhere within the house. But they’ll fight over it. I must contemplate this.)
The problem is nobody can think of something for MM’s kids to do that doesn’t either require super-intense supervision OR a massive amount of cleanup afterwards. They just can’t find anything to amuse themselves that doesn’t destroy the house. And it’s been oh they’re too little all this time, but, Boy is seven years old. A seven-year-old should be able to entertain himself without actively destroying things? He’s super-young for his age in many ways but part of that is that he’s treated young, y’know?? He surprises me sometimes– I was grousing at him for doing his homework carelessly, and after I stopped talking he quietly said “Thank you for the advice,” and proceeded to do all the things I’d suggested to improve. So he CAN act his age, but nobody expects it of him, and I’ve fallen into that trap too.
I think he’d be more capable of self-amusement if it weren’t for the fact that his sister gets petulant and wants to change activities and wants to be in charge and so on. But– she’s five, not two. She also should be able to amuse herself for at least a double-digit set of minutes, anxiety problems or no. So what can I come up with for them that is reasonably self-contained and involves their attention without constant direct supervision but doesn’t completely trash multiple rooms of the house??? (Yesterday, their mom went to the grocery store, leaving them in front of the TV. But after half an hour, they were screaming and throwing the cushions around, so I stopped the TV and brought them into the kitchen and, at Boy’s request, let them use the whiteboard markers– which require constant supervision because they stain clothing and if left unattended with them they “accidentally” draw on themselves, the curtains, the walls, etc. For which behavior they’re too old! But! IDK. So I just had to sit there, and yeah I could read a book concurrently but I had to be constantly aware of whether they were getting along or not. Which isn’t that bad, for me, but MM is, well– I’ve speculated in the past that she might be on the autism spectrum, because among many other things it is torture to her to switch her attention from task to task, and if she’s absorbed in something she cannot surface in time to easily prevent her kids from, say, drawing on one another with whiteboard markers. I get mildly annoyed at having to switch attention, and over the long-term I could see that it would upset me more and more, but her baseline is that this is unendurable so you can see how seven years of it has not helped her mental health at all. And if you’re not quick on that sort of thing, it goes from “nuh uh!” *crisis averted* to *thirty seconds of solid inattention during which something irreversible happens* “oh what the fuck”.)
ANYHOW I am doing laundry and getting some personal groceries and sorting out my taxes and several assorted similar things today, and it’s sunny so my shit’s on the line but it’s gonna rain so I gotta stay alert and take it in, and my cat slept almost the whole night on my face except for the times I was enjoying being in my own bed with my dude, so that’s all pretty good but I’m feeling mildly guilty at enjoying this free time so much.
Also I am thinking about the farm and how much I miss them and i really sort of just want to go straight there now and help out until chicken day BUT they have enough staff and don’t need me AND if I went I’d probably have to self-isolate afterward and I don’t want to do that so I should really make up my mind and discuss that with MM and look at the infection stats in Rensselaer Co etc but really I just want to sit here and look at my computer and not have to pay attention to any other humans for a lil bit.
So I scooted home to Buffalo yesterday as homeschooling ended. Sunny drive home, reunited with my babey cat, went over to Dude’s mom’s house for hot dogs (or, as he and his mother call them in a parody of one of the local accents which is more them being goofy than anything else but uh don’t underestimate those wacky Great Lakes vowels guys: Hat Dags). We had pleasant conversation, and then went and raided the games cabinet in search of fun games Dude had played as a tiny child. Alas, the Little Kid games had gotten cleaned out at some point, and I came away only with a super-vintage copy of Twister, with the Twister board printed on vinyl canvas of startlingly high quality. I’ll try that one with the Chaos Gnomes later.
I asked her for ideas on how to keep the kids occupied and she said “I just always told people dark closets do wonders” and Dude and his sister would always make serious faces and nod in fake fearfulness. But then Dude talked about how they used to spend a bunch of time exploring the crawlspace that used to exist in the house, and his mom talked about how she used to do the same as a kid– she grew up in that house too– and so there was a grain of truth to it. (MAYBE we need to make the kids a fort or playhouse somewhere within the house. But they’ll fight over it. I must contemplate this.)
The problem is nobody can think of something for MM’s kids to do that doesn’t either require super-intense supervision OR a massive amount of cleanup afterwards. They just can’t find anything to amuse themselves that doesn’t destroy the house. And it’s been oh they’re too little all this time, but, Boy is seven years old. A seven-year-old should be able to entertain himself without actively destroying things? He’s super-young for his age in many ways but part of that is that he’s treated young, y’know?? He surprises me sometimes– I was grousing at him for doing his homework carelessly, and after I stopped talking he quietly said “Thank you for the advice,” and proceeded to do all the things I’d suggested to improve. So he CAN act his age, but nobody expects it of him, and I’ve fallen into that trap too.
I think he’d be more capable of self-amusement if it weren’t for the fact that his sister gets petulant and wants to change activities and wants to be in charge and so on. But– she’s five, not two. She also should be able to amuse herself for at least a double-digit set of minutes, anxiety problems or no. So what can I come up with for them that is reasonably self-contained and involves their attention without constant direct supervision but doesn’t completely trash multiple rooms of the house??? (Yesterday, their mom went to the grocery store, leaving them in front of the TV. But after half an hour, they were screaming and throwing the cushions around, so I stopped the TV and brought them into the kitchen and, at Boy’s request, let them use the whiteboard markers– which require constant supervision because they stain clothing and if left unattended with them they “accidentally” draw on themselves, the curtains, the walls, etc. For which behavior they’re too old! But! IDK. So I just had to sit there, and yeah I could read a book concurrently but I had to be constantly aware of whether they were getting along or not. Which isn’t that bad, for me, but MM is, well– I’ve speculated in the past that she might be on the autism spectrum, because among many other things it is torture to her to switch her attention from task to task, and if she’s absorbed in something she cannot surface in time to easily prevent her kids from, say, drawing on one another with whiteboard markers. I get mildly annoyed at having to switch attention, and over the long-term I could see that it would upset me more and more, but her baseline is that this is unendurable so you can see how seven years of it has not helped her mental health at all. And if you’re not quick on that sort of thing, it goes from “nuh uh!” *crisis averted* to *thirty seconds of solid inattention during which something irreversible happens* “oh what the fuck”.)
ANYHOW I am doing laundry and getting some personal groceries and sorting out my taxes and several assorted similar things today, and it’s sunny so my shit’s on the line but it’s gonna rain so I gotta stay alert and take it in, and my cat slept almost the whole night on my face except for the times I was enjoying being in my own bed with my dude, so that’s all pretty good but I’m feeling mildly guilty at enjoying this free time so much.
Also I am thinking about the farm and how much I miss them and i really sort of just want to go straight there now and help out until chicken day BUT they have enough staff and don’t need me AND if I went I’d probably have to self-isolate afterward and I don’t want to do that so I should really make up my mind and discuss that with MM and look at the infection stats in Rensselaer Co etc but really I just want to sit here and look at my computer and not have to pay attention to any other humans for a lil bit.
