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dragonlady7via https://ift.tt/2zS6zQV
For some reason I’ve just been super-anxious today. I think it’s misplaced excitement, that Dude is coming out to visit today? I don’t know! It’s like I’m nervous to see him? I first realized something was up with me when I was trying to text with him about whether he should bring anything here and I freaked out that he wasn’t replying to my messages for like, 15 minutes, and I was like I think he’s mad at me and it wasn’t until one of the kids was like “wait who’s mad at you?” that I was like ah fuck, I’m nattering on out loud about this and it’s weird enough that the kids are confused by it? That’s not constructive.
So I sat and tried to work on things, and we had the kids playing outside and I kept, like, going and fixing the things they were playing with, because it would be more effective this way or that way and… they’re playing… in the mud… because it’s spring… literally none of it matters so what the fuck am I doing interfering??? I mean I had to intervene a couple times because of like, stuck boots or lost items or whatever, but I kept being like no hold it like this it’ll work better and shit and like… it’s… childrens’… games. Chill the fuck out!!!
It took me probably longer than it should have for me to realize I was freaking out and duh that’s an anxiety attack. In my defense, I seldom have them, and there was no? reason? for me? to have one? now of all times??? what the fuck.
so I backed off the kids and made myself just sit quietly and observe without intervening for a bit, and backed off myself and stopped trying to actually do anything constructive, and just sat there and fretted without trying to do anything else, and eventually it has sort of eased and I’m indoors and comfortable.
Probably gonna start drinking in a bit. Either it’ll help or it won’t but it’s delicious stuff, I made a bunch of iced tea drinks yesterday and stuck them in nalgene in the fridge.
For some reason I’ve just been super-anxious today. I think it’s misplaced excitement, that Dude is coming out to visit today? I don’t know! It’s like I’m nervous to see him? I first realized something was up with me when I was trying to text with him about whether he should bring anything here and I freaked out that he wasn’t replying to my messages for like, 15 minutes, and I was like I think he’s mad at me and it wasn’t until one of the kids was like “wait who’s mad at you?” that I was like ah fuck, I’m nattering on out loud about this and it’s weird enough that the kids are confused by it? That’s not constructive.
So I sat and tried to work on things, and we had the kids playing outside and I kept, like, going and fixing the things they were playing with, because it would be more effective this way or that way and… they’re playing… in the mud… because it’s spring… literally none of it matters so what the fuck am I doing interfering??? I mean I had to intervene a couple times because of like, stuck boots or lost items or whatever, but I kept being like no hold it like this it’ll work better and shit and like… it’s… childrens’… games. Chill the fuck out!!!
It took me probably longer than it should have for me to realize I was freaking out and duh that’s an anxiety attack. In my defense, I seldom have them, and there was no? reason? for me? to have one? now of all times??? what the fuck.
so I backed off the kids and made myself just sit quietly and observe without intervening for a bit, and backed off myself and stopped trying to actually do anything constructive, and just sat there and fretted without trying to do anything else, and eventually it has sort of eased and I’m indoors and comfortable.
Probably gonna start drinking in a bit. Either it’ll help or it won’t but it’s delicious stuff, I made a bunch of iced tea drinks yesterday and stuck them in nalgene in the fridge.
