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dragonlady7via https://ift.tt/2TXVUM8
mortuarybees:
yes yennefer conflates beauty with power in a world where not being seen as beautiful robbed her of all power and agency and she is in a dogged quest for the ability to carry a child because she wants the choice and sees aretuza taking that from her as emblematic of all the choices they took from her but
on another, much deeper level yennefer is trans and the obsession with becoming beautiful wasn’t just that it’s the obsession with becoming a woman, finally passing and not only that but being beautiful and confident in herself in a way she never thought she could be before she transitioned. she undergoes the ritual without anesthetics not just to prove that she’s worthy of it but because she’s got that internalized transphobia mindset of feeling like she has to prove to herself and the world that she really is trans, she’s willing to suffer unimaginably for it to prove that it’s the only option for her
and when that doesn’t work, when she finally has what she always wanted, the power yes, but also passing, no one has clocked her in years, she looks in the mirror and sees what she always wanted to see but it’s still not enough, she still feels this unworthiness and emptiness and she thinks, it’s because i’m still not really a woman. women have children, women create life, and aretuza gave me a veneer to help in my performance of femininity, but they didn’t truly make me a woman. and i don’t need them for that, i can do it myself, and that’s how i’ll prove that i am, that i want it badly enough, i’m not asking anyone else to help me, to take pity on me and humor me, because i’m going to do it myself.
but that’s not how being trans works, she was a woman before the ritual and she’s a woman now and there’s nothing to prove and no one to prove it to, and if you view being trans as something that you have to prove, you’re never going to stop trying to prove it because it can’t be proven. and additionally, all the other stuff is still going on, she wants power and choice, she wants to be important to someone, because trans people aren’t just trans but it’s so easy when so much of your day to day experience is negatively impacted by people misgendering you or being closeted or not passing or transphobia that once you’ve Transitioned, everything will be okay, everything will be good, your life can really start, and all your other problems–your desire for unconditional love and acceptance, independence, belonging, power, meaning–will go away. but you never really stop transitioning, it’s a lifelong journey, but more than that, you aren’t just trans, you’re human too, and your insecurities and needs and fears and everything else will still be there, no matter where you’re at in your transition
so if becoming a mother is part of her transition goals i support her including through dark magic but who she really needs to mother is herself and im rewatching and “true transformation is painful” made my trans dad little heart hurt bc it sounds like something ive heard from other trans people who think being trans has to be this horrible painful experience or it isn’t real bc their own experience has been so painful but that isn’t the truth at all. send tweet
mortuarybees:
yes yennefer conflates beauty with power in a world where not being seen as beautiful robbed her of all power and agency and she is in a dogged quest for the ability to carry a child because she wants the choice and sees aretuza taking that from her as emblematic of all the choices they took from her but
on another, much deeper level yennefer is trans and the obsession with becoming beautiful wasn’t just that it’s the obsession with becoming a woman, finally passing and not only that but being beautiful and confident in herself in a way she never thought she could be before she transitioned. she undergoes the ritual without anesthetics not just to prove that she’s worthy of it but because she’s got that internalized transphobia mindset of feeling like she has to prove to herself and the world that she really is trans, she’s willing to suffer unimaginably for it to prove that it’s the only option for her
and when that doesn’t work, when she finally has what she always wanted, the power yes, but also passing, no one has clocked her in years, she looks in the mirror and sees what she always wanted to see but it’s still not enough, she still feels this unworthiness and emptiness and she thinks, it’s because i’m still not really a woman. women have children, women create life, and aretuza gave me a veneer to help in my performance of femininity, but they didn’t truly make me a woman. and i don’t need them for that, i can do it myself, and that’s how i’ll prove that i am, that i want it badly enough, i’m not asking anyone else to help me, to take pity on me and humor me, because i’m going to do it myself.
but that’s not how being trans works, she was a woman before the ritual and she’s a woman now and there’s nothing to prove and no one to prove it to, and if you view being trans as something that you have to prove, you’re never going to stop trying to prove it because it can’t be proven. and additionally, all the other stuff is still going on, she wants power and choice, she wants to be important to someone, because trans people aren’t just trans but it’s so easy when so much of your day to day experience is negatively impacted by people misgendering you or being closeted or not passing or transphobia that once you’ve Transitioned, everything will be okay, everything will be good, your life can really start, and all your other problems–your desire for unconditional love and acceptance, independence, belonging, power, meaning–will go away. but you never really stop transitioning, it’s a lifelong journey, but more than that, you aren’t just trans, you’re human too, and your insecurities and needs and fears and everything else will still be there, no matter where you’re at in your transition
so if becoming a mother is part of her transition goals i support her including through dark magic but who she really needs to mother is herself and im rewatching and “true transformation is painful” made my trans dad little heart hurt bc it sounds like something ive heard from other trans people who think being trans has to be this horrible painful experience or it isn’t real bc their own experience has been so painful but that isn’t the truth at all. send tweet
