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phasma-first-order replied to your post “tmi sex life but funny, right”
Huh! My ex and I had sort of the reverse, where he mentioned that it would be cool if I became able to have multiple orgasms. Meanwhile I thought of multiple orgasms as “I have read they’re a real thing, but I don’t feel any interest in trying to do that. One is perfectly satisfying, thanks!”
I honestly am sad I have written so little f/f in my life because while there’s all different arousal/climax kinds of responses in all kinds of humans, I think it’s a lot more diverse in women (and again, I’m not being gender essentialist; I’m willing to bet it’s even more startlingly diverse in trans people and non-gender-binaried sorts, and I actually would love to research it but don’t really know how?) – and a lot of that may be society, men are kind of conditioned to have very traditional sex, I think! and a part of the Accepted Normal Thing of sex is that it all builds up to a Climax and then you’re Done and Zonk Out, because I do think that’s a very standard sexual response pattern (I have no idea what terminology to use here, btw, so) in traditionally-bodied cis male people. With acknowledgement that the reason it’s so standard might, in many cases, just be conditioning.
But it’s not like that pattern doesn’t happen in “female”-bodied people too– for many people, climax occurs and then you’re just most comfortable stopping, for various reasons. And that’s normal and fine.
(ok i’m finally hitting a TMI threshhold where I feel like I gotta cut, I left the other entry uncut because it was general enough to be hashtag-relatable, I figured, LOL. I mean I’m trying generally to keep it on that level, this is not a confessional here, but, I’m gonna cut anyway.)
Honestly, I used to be mostly anorgasmic, for many years– and that was a challenge, lemme tell you, because nobody really knows how to have that kind of sex, least of all someone who’s almost never actually had an orgasm. It wasn’t that it was bad or unsatisfying, it was that it confused other people. There are so many different kinds of sex it’s possible to have. I mean, I also did have a lot of bad sex, not that it was awful but that it wasn’t particularly satisfying on its own, but it was filling a social role for me and that was important and I do wish I’d had some better role models of how to deal with that but it wasn’t particularly unhealthy, it was just more stressful than it had to be. It was only as I simultaneously got more comfortable and, I think, underwent some hormonal changes, and my partner got more used to me but it was a long learning curve, and that shifted from no-climaxes to many-climaxes, and it’s not the same all the time and sometimes I definitely experience just The Big One and Okay Lights Out Folks, but a lot of times, no. We just stop when he’s done, but I don’t care because I’ve had a good time pretty much the whole time, so that’s fine, and yeah, I could keep going, but I could also just go on to the next part of my day, because I mean, we share a bed, if I want more later I can surely ask.
I guess it’s also kind of a lesson that no matter how well you think you know someone, how many extremely intimate experiences you’ve shared, how long you’ve spent very close together, their perspective on something may be entirely different!
Anyway the moral of the story is that bodies are super weird and no two people fuck alike. Also, if you have not discussed an experience in words, you have no way of knowing what anyone else who shared that experience really thought was going on.
phasma-first-order replied to your post “tmi sex life but funny, right”
Huh! My ex and I had sort of the reverse, where he mentioned that it would be cool if I became able to have multiple orgasms. Meanwhile I thought of multiple orgasms as “I have read they’re a real thing, but I don’t feel any interest in trying to do that. One is perfectly satisfying, thanks!”
I honestly am sad I have written so little f/f in my life because while there’s all different arousal/climax kinds of responses in all kinds of humans, I think it’s a lot more diverse in women (and again, I’m not being gender essentialist; I’m willing to bet it’s even more startlingly diverse in trans people and non-gender-binaried sorts, and I actually would love to research it but don’t really know how?) – and a lot of that may be society, men are kind of conditioned to have very traditional sex, I think! and a part of the Accepted Normal Thing of sex is that it all builds up to a Climax and then you’re Done and Zonk Out, because I do think that’s a very standard sexual response pattern (I have no idea what terminology to use here, btw, so) in traditionally-bodied cis male people. With acknowledgement that the reason it’s so standard might, in many cases, just be conditioning.
But it’s not like that pattern doesn’t happen in “female”-bodied people too– for many people, climax occurs and then you’re just most comfortable stopping, for various reasons. And that’s normal and fine.
(ok i’m finally hitting a TMI threshhold where I feel like I gotta cut, I left the other entry uncut because it was general enough to be hashtag-relatable, I figured, LOL. I mean I’m trying generally to keep it on that level, this is not a confessional here, but, I’m gonna cut anyway.)
Honestly, I used to be mostly anorgasmic, for many years– and that was a challenge, lemme tell you, because nobody really knows how to have that kind of sex, least of all someone who’s almost never actually had an orgasm. It wasn’t that it was bad or unsatisfying, it was that it confused other people. There are so many different kinds of sex it’s possible to have. I mean, I also did have a lot of bad sex, not that it was awful but that it wasn’t particularly satisfying on its own, but it was filling a social role for me and that was important and I do wish I’d had some better role models of how to deal with that but it wasn’t particularly unhealthy, it was just more stressful than it had to be. It was only as I simultaneously got more comfortable and, I think, underwent some hormonal changes, and my partner got more used to me but it was a long learning curve, and that shifted from no-climaxes to many-climaxes, and it’s not the same all the time and sometimes I definitely experience just The Big One and Okay Lights Out Folks, but a lot of times, no. We just stop when he’s done, but I don’t care because I’ve had a good time pretty much the whole time, so that’s fine, and yeah, I could keep going, but I could also just go on to the next part of my day, because I mean, we share a bed, if I want more later I can surely ask.
I guess it’s also kind of a lesson that no matter how well you think you know someone, how many extremely intimate experiences you’ve shared, how long you’ve spent very close together, their perspective on something may be entirely different!
Anyway the moral of the story is that bodies are super weird and no two people fuck alike. Also, if you have not discussed an experience in words, you have no way of knowing what anyone else who shared that experience really thought was going on.
