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dragonlady7via http://ift.tt/1We13f7:
millicentthecat replied to your post:ineptshieldmaid replied to your post:I wrote a…
I don’t think you’re being oversensitive. It seems like a shitty comment to get? When people dispense unsolicited criticism as if their opinions were fact, when they’re unable to distinguish between “my problem” and “a problem,” that’s aggressive. It’s like policing your own rules for good writing onto others. I think the (typical) response is to feel defensive or to feel attacked.
It’s just so hard to filter it through the fucking whatever my anxiety is doing, which is not situational here, it’s a long-term thing, I mean I’ve been alternately catatonic and flipping my shit for at least a week so like, Something’s Up– and it means I just can’t approach this rationally.
(On a rational level I am dimly aware that this whole fucking thing totally sounds like me stirring shit for sympathy and that’s actually the opposite of what I’m actively trying to do but I am sure a big ol’ chunk of my ego would like nothing more than for legions of people to cry out “you poor thing” but then see, the other part of me would be like “that’s not the point” so it winds up not really working out and this is the downside of working at cross-purposes with yourself.)
Defensiveness isn’t a productive reaction, is the problem, even if it’s a justified one. I have emotions: they are injured by this. HOWEVER, this person has some interesting points that could be constructive, if I could approach them that way, but I’m having difficulty doing that, because the thing is framed, to me, like an attack would be.
But then isn’t that just tone policing? If only you’d said it nicer, I would’ve been able to take it usefully? So really I have no justification; I can feel injured all I want but it doesn’t advance the discourse and so I should,
well,
I don’t know what I should do, and therein lies the problem.
millicentthecat replied to your post:ineptshieldmaid replied to your post:I wrote a…
I don’t think you’re being oversensitive. It seems like a shitty comment to get? When people dispense unsolicited criticism as if their opinions were fact, when they’re unable to distinguish between “my problem” and “a problem,” that’s aggressive. It’s like policing your own rules for good writing onto others. I think the (typical) response is to feel defensive or to feel attacked.
It’s just so hard to filter it through the fucking whatever my anxiety is doing, which is not situational here, it’s a long-term thing, I mean I’ve been alternately catatonic and flipping my shit for at least a week so like, Something’s Up– and it means I just can’t approach this rationally.
(On a rational level I am dimly aware that this whole fucking thing totally sounds like me stirring shit for sympathy and that’s actually the opposite of what I’m actively trying to do but I am sure a big ol’ chunk of my ego would like nothing more than for legions of people to cry out “you poor thing” but then see, the other part of me would be like “that’s not the point” so it winds up not really working out and this is the downside of working at cross-purposes with yourself.)
Defensiveness isn’t a productive reaction, is the problem, even if it’s a justified one. I have emotions: they are injured by this. HOWEVER, this person has some interesting points that could be constructive, if I could approach them that way, but I’m having difficulty doing that, because the thing is framed, to me, like an attack would be.
But then isn’t that just tone policing? If only you’d said it nicer, I would’ve been able to take it usefully? So really I have no justification; I can feel injured all I want but it doesn’t advance the discourse and so I should,
well,
I don’t know what I should do, and therein lies the problem.
