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dragonlady7There is literally no one in the world besides me who will ever want to either read or write this story, but I definitely want to read it way more than I want to write it, and I'm busy, so. All anyone's getting is this entry, probably.
This was prompted by watching a Buzzfeed Unsolved episode. The guys were in London, in a supposedly-haunted old tavern, and at one point they went down into a cellar, and there was a trapdoor in the cellar floor that led to an underground river that used to flood that room on the regular until some engineering feat diverted it somehow, and the basement of the tavern had these cells in some of the rooms, and there used to be horrifying ancient jails on either side of the tavern and so there were theories that the cellars used to connect to one or the other of the prisons, and
well, it made me think of Death of the Necromancer, and the terrifying ruins in the sewers, and how it opens with Valiarde and his gang trying to rob a safe in the basement of an old Great House only to find that the corridor into the cellars of a long-ago torn-down Great House next door is infested with ghouls, and...
Listen, ok, there's got to be a way to cross over Buzzfeed Unsolved and Death of the Necromancer, somehow. Can you imagine? A pair of idiot fucking Americans heavily laden with stupid fucking camera gear and a "spirit box" wandering into a haunted Rienish sewer and Ryan is doing that face he makes where his eyes become huge and his mouth disappears, and Shane is like "this smells fucking awful, come on ghouls, kill me so I don't have to smell this anymore" and then Constance fucking Macob comes lurking out of the depths and Arisilde out of his mind on opium with his white hair all standing on end straight-up apparates through a wall and is like "oh no gentlemen, this won't do at all," and Ryan just starts screaming and won't stop, and Shane is like "well there's probably a reasonable explanation for all of this, I just don't know what it is," and Nicholas Valiarde has put his false moustache back on and is pretending to be a cop so he can hustle them out of there so these innocent idiots don't get caught in the middle of the necromancy shit, and Ryan is still just giving out this one unrelenting long scream and Shane is like "okay the real unsolved mystery is how he doesn't need to breathe" and Madeleine is grimly loading her muff pistol so she can shoot Ryan to make him stop making that noise and only Madele stepping up and rendering him unconscious with her thumb to the middle of his forehead saves them all, and Shane is like "hey wait what's that hulking thing, is that a person or what" and then Arisilde obliterates Macob in a flash of pure white light and Shane's like "aw your camera flash scared that guy off, weird" and when Ryan wakes up Shane's just like "I dunno man but the look on your face was pretty great" (ooh edited to add: then they review the tape and they can't tell what's going on because mostly the audio recording is Ryan unrelentingly screaming, and then Madele's power cuts all the equipment out and Shane's like "yeah but we can't be sure it wasn't the batteries" and Ryan's like IT WAS GHOSTS and Shane's like "how would you know???" and it remains... Unsolved.)
Yeah I dunno where Ronsarde and Halle are either, I'm just getting an early start on February shitposting I guess.
This was prompted by watching a Buzzfeed Unsolved episode. The guys were in London, in a supposedly-haunted old tavern, and at one point they went down into a cellar, and there was a trapdoor in the cellar floor that led to an underground river that used to flood that room on the regular until some engineering feat diverted it somehow, and the basement of the tavern had these cells in some of the rooms, and there used to be horrifying ancient jails on either side of the tavern and so there were theories that the cellars used to connect to one or the other of the prisons, and
well, it made me think of Death of the Necromancer, and the terrifying ruins in the sewers, and how it opens with Valiarde and his gang trying to rob a safe in the basement of an old Great House only to find that the corridor into the cellars of a long-ago torn-down Great House next door is infested with ghouls, and...
Listen, ok, there's got to be a way to cross over Buzzfeed Unsolved and Death of the Necromancer, somehow. Can you imagine? A pair of idiot fucking Americans heavily laden with stupid fucking camera gear and a "spirit box" wandering into a haunted Rienish sewer and Ryan is doing that face he makes where his eyes become huge and his mouth disappears, and Shane is like "this smells fucking awful, come on ghouls, kill me so I don't have to smell this anymore" and then Constance fucking Macob comes lurking out of the depths and Arisilde out of his mind on opium with his white hair all standing on end straight-up apparates through a wall and is like "oh no gentlemen, this won't do at all," and Ryan just starts screaming and won't stop, and Shane is like "well there's probably a reasonable explanation for all of this, I just don't know what it is," and Nicholas Valiarde has put his false moustache back on and is pretending to be a cop so he can hustle them out of there so these innocent idiots don't get caught in the middle of the necromancy shit, and Ryan is still just giving out this one unrelenting long scream and Shane is like "okay the real unsolved mystery is how he doesn't need to breathe" and Madeleine is grimly loading her muff pistol so she can shoot Ryan to make him stop making that noise and only Madele stepping up and rendering him unconscious with her thumb to the middle of his forehead saves them all, and Shane is like "hey wait what's that hulking thing, is that a person or what" and then Arisilde obliterates Macob in a flash of pure white light and Shane's like "aw your camera flash scared that guy off, weird" and when Ryan wakes up Shane's just like "I dunno man but the look on your face was pretty great" (ooh edited to add: then they review the tape and they can't tell what's going on because mostly the audio recording is Ryan unrelentingly screaming, and then Madele's power cuts all the equipment out and Shane's like "yeah but we can't be sure it wasn't the batteries" and Ryan's like IT WAS GHOSTS and Shane's like "how would you know???" and it remains... Unsolved.)
Yeah I dunno where Ronsarde and Halle are either, I'm just getting an early start on February shitposting I guess.
