i can never figure out "challenges"
Jan. 18th, 2019 10:51 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dragonlady7I guess it's good that I'm so skilled at running my mouth without provocation because I am literally incapable of answering a challenge or prompt in any way. I just-- like-- I can't read and follow directions, it turns out, in my advancing age, and I just can't figure out what the fuck y'all are talking about until it's over already.
So I'm not doing any Challenges or taking prompts or whatever because I am apparently just not built that way. I love reading all'y'all's meme responses and such, and I just can't get myself together to do it correctly, and that's just how it is.
Why is that literally all i post about lately? the ways in which I don't fit any of the world's standard interfaces? i dunno. i guess that's my throughline, my theme through all this journal. *jazz hands* I have no idea what the fuck is going on out there but y'all have fun with that! */jazz hands*
wait can you close a... tag... like that... never mind.
This morning as I was preparing to leave the house, Dude was having a solemn conversation with Chita the cat in the kitchen. "Are you ready for the morning stand-up?" he asked. (They call their teleconferences stand-ups, and I don't know why, since everyone seems to be sitting down.) "MEOW," she answered. "What are you working on? Do you have any blockers?" "MEOW," she insisted.
I had to interrogate him about "blockers" instead of just "blocks". A writer would say, "I'm blocked on this project." But his team says, "I have a blocker," to indicate they can't progress-- usually it's not a lack of inspiration, but rather that they need to wait for a result from someone else before they can proceed. But that seemed odd to me. Maybe because I spent so long playing the position of 'blocker' in roller derby, which means 'bitch who puts her ass in people's chests so they can't get past', mostly, in my case.
I tried to fix my Instagram, which used to crosspost to Tumblr (and thence here) but when I had to uninstall and reinstall the program in Istanbul because the slow Internet broke the uploader, I lost my Tumblr password, and it turns out the password in my password manager for Tumblr is incorrect, so if I ever get accidentally logged-out, I'm fucked. I should probably fix that but I hate that sort of shit, it always gets fucked-up and I wreck everything. (Wow that functionality's been broken since August, I guess I'm kind of bad at keeping up on stuff.)
I don't think I can make it crosspost here, though, because the image hosting on here is still so fucked-up. Specifically my account. If I want to post images here I have to upload them to Flickr first, and for some reason I'm hesitant to do that? I should, though, and do a manual archiving of my Instagram posts that way. Because who knows about anything on social media anymore.
Well that's a long post and I didn't have a point, so I'm going to stop now. TGIF I guess; I'm going to spend one entire day this weekend doing absolutely fucking nothing except what I want, because I squandered my whole sick day yesterday grocery shopping, cooking, and cleaning. And going to the grocery store with vertigo was a terrible idea. (It was only bad for a few minutes.)
Knock on wood, I'm fine today, and the walk in was nice because fresh snow is sticky instead of slippery like ice.
So I'm not doing any Challenges or taking prompts or whatever because I am apparently just not built that way. I love reading all'y'all's meme responses and such, and I just can't get myself together to do it correctly, and that's just how it is.
Why is that literally all i post about lately? the ways in which I don't fit any of the world's standard interfaces? i dunno. i guess that's my throughline, my theme through all this journal. *jazz hands* I have no idea what the fuck is going on out there but y'all have fun with that! */jazz hands*
wait can you close a... tag... like that... never mind.
This morning as I was preparing to leave the house, Dude was having a solemn conversation with Chita the cat in the kitchen. "Are you ready for the morning stand-up?" he asked. (They call their teleconferences stand-ups, and I don't know why, since everyone seems to be sitting down.) "MEOW," she answered. "What are you working on? Do you have any blockers?" "MEOW," she insisted.
I had to interrogate him about "blockers" instead of just "blocks". A writer would say, "I'm blocked on this project." But his team says, "I have a blocker," to indicate they can't progress-- usually it's not a lack of inspiration, but rather that they need to wait for a result from someone else before they can proceed. But that seemed odd to me. Maybe because I spent so long playing the position of 'blocker' in roller derby, which means 'bitch who puts her ass in people's chests so they can't get past', mostly, in my case.
I tried to fix my Instagram, which used to crosspost to Tumblr (and thence here) but when I had to uninstall and reinstall the program in Istanbul because the slow Internet broke the uploader, I lost my Tumblr password, and it turns out the password in my password manager for Tumblr is incorrect, so if I ever get accidentally logged-out, I'm fucked. I should probably fix that but I hate that sort of shit, it always gets fucked-up and I wreck everything. (Wow that functionality's been broken since August, I guess I'm kind of bad at keeping up on stuff.)
I don't think I can make it crosspost here, though, because the image hosting on here is still so fucked-up. Specifically my account. If I want to post images here I have to upload them to Flickr first, and for some reason I'm hesitant to do that? I should, though, and do a manual archiving of my Instagram posts that way. Because who knows about anything on social media anymore.
Well that's a long post and I didn't have a point, so I'm going to stop now. TGIF I guess; I'm going to spend one entire day this weekend doing absolutely fucking nothing except what I want, because I squandered my whole sick day yesterday grocery shopping, cooking, and cleaning. And going to the grocery store with vertigo was a terrible idea. (It was only bad for a few minutes.)
Knock on wood, I'm fine today, and the walk in was nice because fresh snow is sticky instead of slippery like ice.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-18 04:35 pm (UTC)I really feel you on the challenges thing. After half a year of letting asks/prompts pile up in my Tumblr inbox, and after the fiasco that was the Mag7 Secret Santa, I’m pretty fun-shy. Turns out decades of undiagnosed ADD making me miss deadlines and let people down does a number on my anxiety and self-confidence levels, who knew.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-18 07:57 pm (UTC)For a while Dude worked from home from home, so like, no coworking space, no going into the office; he was home, alone, by himself, just with Chita who was a baby at that point, for days on end. (I was waitressing for part of it, so I'd come home from my 40 hour workweek of people-intense shit, and he'd be like I NEED TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE LET'S GO TO A BAR and I'd be like Christ I just spent 40 hours in a bar, but I'd go, because it was that or sit around while he talked rapidly and sort of frenetically about things, and I couldn't blame him.) He and Chita got real weird together.
There was a whole jargon he had back then where he and Chita would have facetime (she'd lie on his face) or all-hands meetings when he'd carry her over to me and make me put my hands on her so that ALL THE HANDS would be MEETING geddit HA.
She really liked it when he was home all day.
He got real weird in general, though, so he signed up for a coworking space with a quickness when he went back to remote work a few years later. You gotta take care of yourself when you work remote, it turns out.
(I worry when I'm out of town because he really doesn't get out of the house except for work.)
+1000 on the challenges/prompts thing. I love the idea of prompts, but oh my Christ I can't do it, and then I have to hide from my inbox forever.
I've gotten to be sort of okay on deadlines but oh gosh, they are a Thing, and I Don't Wike It. I have yet to find a perfect balance between self-motivation and just plain torture.
But my problem with a lot of these Challenges is like... I just can't... remember what I was supposed to be doing for long enough to do it, and it's a lot of stress, which I get the feeling it's not for most people. Most people are like, ah! inspiration! and I'm like that looks like a giant fucking hassle. So fortunately, I don't lack for inspiration and so won't be participating. I used to get sort of grumpy about everyone else doing these things but I'm mellowing, thankfully. Fine, I've seen the same question copy-pasted forty times today: at least the answers have all been different! But I can't let that mellow me so much that I start to think "i could answer that question!" because that way lies much madness and grief. It's okay to be different, self, and it's okay to not do the thing everyone else is doing, because even if you think it'd be fun you'd stress yourself out trying and it's just not worth it.
And posting lists of questions for people to ask you just seems like... I mean... if you really want to answer the question, just answer it. You don't have to be invited to answer it. You're allowed to just answer it. Even if nobody asks. If they didn't want to know, they wouldn't subscribe to your journal. It's fine to just... interview yourself sometimes, if it means you can talk about what you want to talk about.
But I get it works differently for other people. That's just how it works for me.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-18 08:17 pm (UTC)Also, those ask memes on Tumblr have the added insidious dimension of more-or-less being popularity contests. It's such a small thing - and yet that makes the disappointment even bigger, to reblog one of those and have no one ask you anything.