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dragonlady7via http://ift.tt/1rVKFD7:
in the last 20 minutes of work I encountered an unexpected situation that made me so confused and upset that I literally lost all of the chill I’ve ever had. (It was unreal. I theorize that the feng shui of our building, at work, requires a certain amount of hissy fits per year to remain balanced, and nobody else was stepping up now that Awful Coworker is gone, so it was my turn.) (One part of my hissy fit involved noticing that a sign Awful Coworker put up RIGHT NEXT TO THE REGISTER (so like every! single! customer! would see it while they waited for their change! oh my god! and also no employee would ever look there so we didn’t notice!) and also like THREE MONTHS AGO (oh my god! how many people have seen this! SO MANY) contained an absolutely un-missable GLARING MISSPELLING and I ripped it down and screamed “OH MY GOD WAS SHE FUCKING ILLITERATE LOOK AT THIS” and waved it at a terrified coworker. I stood like that a moment, and immediately realized that was A Bridge Too Far, and apologized. “No offense to illiterate people! Oh my god that was so insensitive of me!”)
fortunately two hours prior I’d taken a late lunch break and gone to the liquor store and bought $250 worth of booze, including some really excellent tequila on sale. (Some of it was for gifts and projects and things, don’t look at me like that. Well, actually, look at me like anything you want, along with my chill I also lost all the fucks I had to give about anything.)
So I am currently drinking a truly excellent margarita with an entire tray of ice cubes in it (to make it last) (milagro reposado if you’re curious, it was on sale). So. UHHHH. YEAH. WEDNESDAY. WOO.
MARGARITAS: or ehhhmargaritas: (ADAPTED for METRIC peoples, because I automatically measure in ounces but that doesn’t matter, an ounce is just the size of a shot glass, which should be about 30ML but that doesn’t matter as long as your proportions are approximate, your glass is appropriately sized, and your liver is prepared: so One Thingy equals Whatever A Shot Glass Is Where You Are)
2 thingys decent tequila, or 1.5 of shit tequila
1 thingy Grand Marnier or equivalent (40 proof), or 2 oz cheap watery triple sec
1 thingy lime juice or seriously reconsider what you’re doing here
½ thingy lemon juice if you’re nasty (optional)
1 thingy simple syrup (equal parts hot water and sugar, stirred til clear then cooled) (less of this if you used the shit tequila and watery triple sec)
Put this in a jar or something and shake it up, or like stir it if you want. Then FILL YOUR GLASS WITH ICE because otherwise this is strong and too strong and sort of too sweet. IDK, margaritas need water in them. Water from ice melt is optimal.
Pour this over the ice. Drink some water. THEN drink this and not fast or you will die.
something something make a pun change the name then it’s topical for both Star Wars and Cinco De Mayo which, by the way, the latter is a bunch of messicans fucking up the shit of some white people so before you put that sombrero on and go appropriate some culture, Becky, think that shit over.
Sincerely, Drunk White Chick who wants to know why we don’t have a real good word for that feeling when you study US history a bunch and are super fucking appalled at all the shit they did with your money in your name and like, you don’t even have the consolation of “well my people weren’t here yet” because your shit came over on the fucking Mayflower and not a one of you ever had a fucking cent but your tax dollars have been subsidizing this bullshit since before there was a US, holy fucking shit.
Because the second (and THIRD OH MY GOD) Bush administrations were some shit (I mean the first was no picnic let’s be real but I was literally honestly truly playing Barbies with my sister (because I was twelve you assholes) when Mom yelled up the stairs about Gulf War I and I was like, fuck, I have to start paying attention now don’t I), but at least you could, like, vote against them, but holy fucking shit the 80s, like the whole 80s, oh my fucking god you assholes.
(It has been that kind of week.)
(Apparently I am super upset about Trump but let’s be real here, Cruz would actually have sent my queer childfree ass to a fucking concentration camp or something, Trump has never accomplished anything in his life and so if elected will just draw the ire of the entire fucking world down on us, and so maybe they’ll fucking nuke us but God we’ll deserve it.)
in the last 20 minutes of work I encountered an unexpected situation that made me so confused and upset that I literally lost all of the chill I’ve ever had. (It was unreal. I theorize that the feng shui of our building, at work, requires a certain amount of hissy fits per year to remain balanced, and nobody else was stepping up now that Awful Coworker is gone, so it was my turn.) (One part of my hissy fit involved noticing that a sign Awful Coworker put up RIGHT NEXT TO THE REGISTER (so like every! single! customer! would see it while they waited for their change! oh my god! and also no employee would ever look there so we didn’t notice!) and also like THREE MONTHS AGO (oh my god! how many people have seen this! SO MANY) contained an absolutely un-missable GLARING MISSPELLING and I ripped it down and screamed “OH MY GOD WAS SHE FUCKING ILLITERATE LOOK AT THIS” and waved it at a terrified coworker. I stood like that a moment, and immediately realized that was A Bridge Too Far, and apologized. “No offense to illiterate people! Oh my god that was so insensitive of me!”)
fortunately two hours prior I’d taken a late lunch break and gone to the liquor store and bought $250 worth of booze, including some really excellent tequila on sale. (Some of it was for gifts and projects and things, don’t look at me like that. Well, actually, look at me like anything you want, along with my chill I also lost all the fucks I had to give about anything.)
So I am currently drinking a truly excellent margarita with an entire tray of ice cubes in it (to make it last) (milagro reposado if you’re curious, it was on sale). So. UHHHH. YEAH. WEDNESDAY. WOO.
MARGARITAS: or ehhhmargaritas: (ADAPTED for METRIC peoples, because I automatically measure in ounces but that doesn’t matter, an ounce is just the size of a shot glass, which should be about 30ML but that doesn’t matter as long as your proportions are approximate, your glass is appropriately sized, and your liver is prepared: so One Thingy equals Whatever A Shot Glass Is Where You Are)
2 thingys decent tequila, or 1.5 of shit tequila
1 thingy Grand Marnier or equivalent (40 proof), or 2 oz cheap watery triple sec
1 thingy lime juice or seriously reconsider what you’re doing here
½ thingy lemon juice if you’re nasty (optional)
1 thingy simple syrup (equal parts hot water and sugar, stirred til clear then cooled) (less of this if you used the shit tequila and watery triple sec)
Put this in a jar or something and shake it up, or like stir it if you want. Then FILL YOUR GLASS WITH ICE because otherwise this is strong and too strong and sort of too sweet. IDK, margaritas need water in them. Water from ice melt is optimal.
Pour this over the ice. Drink some water. THEN drink this and not fast or you will die.
something something make a pun change the name then it’s topical for both Star Wars and Cinco De Mayo which, by the way, the latter is a bunch of messicans fucking up the shit of some white people so before you put that sombrero on and go appropriate some culture, Becky, think that shit over.
Sincerely, Drunk White Chick who wants to know why we don’t have a real good word for that feeling when you study US history a bunch and are super fucking appalled at all the shit they did with your money in your name and like, you don’t even have the consolation of “well my people weren’t here yet” because your shit came over on the fucking Mayflower and not a one of you ever had a fucking cent but your tax dollars have been subsidizing this bullshit since before there was a US, holy fucking shit.
Because the second (and THIRD OH MY GOD) Bush administrations were some shit (I mean the first was no picnic let’s be real but I was literally honestly truly playing Barbies with my sister (because I was twelve you assholes) when Mom yelled up the stairs about Gulf War I and I was like, fuck, I have to start paying attention now don’t I), but at least you could, like, vote against them, but holy fucking shit the 80s, like the whole 80s, oh my fucking god you assholes.
(It has been that kind of week.)
(Apparently I am super upset about Trump but let’s be real here, Cruz would actually have sent my queer childfree ass to a fucking concentration camp or something, Trump has never accomplished anything in his life and so if elected will just draw the ire of the entire fucking world down on us, and so maybe they’ll fucking nuke us but God we’ll deserve it.)
