![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dragonlady7via https://ift.tt/2DNi2kN
AYYY I MADE PAR ON THE NANO SITE!! 44,281 to beat today’s expected par of 43,333!
Which is, like, 3500 words today and i honestly don’t know when that happened? I mean, I picked at it all day. I think I wrote more last night after my last update, is what happened, but I didn’t think it was that much. It really helps that there’s some action now.
But I’ve got like, this cruddy golf ball in my chest that makes me hack these great tearing coughs (I sound like a seal barking), and my coworker was like christ you sound awful and I was like oh this is nothing, except that i kept coughing until I was literally gasping, and I can’t catch my breath if I get up and walk to the bathroom, and I find myself hunching my shoulders in and depressing the middle of my chest like that will help me not have to breathe as much, and I’ve been taking these stupid shallow breaths– it’s all my weird old reflexes from when I was severely asthmatic, when I was literally a toddler is the last time it was a real problem for me, and so I don’t remember learning all these ways to breathe without pain. But I have one extremely vivid memory, sometime before my mother bought lace curtains for the kitchen, when the kitchen door still had a yellow net curtain with little lead curtain weights on a string in the lower hem, and i remember staring at that, and making myself breathe as deep as I could before the coughing reflex would kick in, and I remember that weird tight-elastic feeling of it, and being disappointed by how shallow my breaths were.
From the angle I remember looking at that curtain, I’d’ve been less than four feet tall.
So these are some real old deep-buried reflexes. And that tight-elastic feeling is back, and I can’t take even half a breath without the itch-claws of needing to cough coming out.
I am an extreme wuss about chest colds, and do a lot of whimpering about them, but for the record it’s routine for me to have a cough last in excess of 50 days when something like this happens, and I’ve learned to note down when it starts because if you go to the doctor during cold season with a cough they laugh at you, but if you can say “i have been coughing for 47 days nonstop and it sounds like this” *SEAL BARK* * SEAL BARK* then sometimes they give you bronchodilators. Which is all I want in my entire life, but there are no over the counter bronchodilators.
(I don’t have regular asthma where your big airways get spasms. I mean, I’ve had that, I know what it feels like. I get that sometimes. But no, mostly what I get is little asthma, where all my little airways fill themselves with air and then swell shut, so I can pant and pant and inflate my lungs all I want, but down in the little bitty sacs where the gas exchange actually takes place, that shit is all stale as fuck, eternally, and all my breathing does fuck-all of good.)
(Your picture was not posted)
AYYY I MADE PAR ON THE NANO SITE!! 44,281 to beat today’s expected par of 43,333!
Which is, like, 3500 words today and i honestly don’t know when that happened? I mean, I picked at it all day. I think I wrote more last night after my last update, is what happened, but I didn’t think it was that much. It really helps that there’s some action now.
But I’ve got like, this cruddy golf ball in my chest that makes me hack these great tearing coughs (I sound like a seal barking), and my coworker was like christ you sound awful and I was like oh this is nothing, except that i kept coughing until I was literally gasping, and I can’t catch my breath if I get up and walk to the bathroom, and I find myself hunching my shoulders in and depressing the middle of my chest like that will help me not have to breathe as much, and I’ve been taking these stupid shallow breaths– it’s all my weird old reflexes from when I was severely asthmatic, when I was literally a toddler is the last time it was a real problem for me, and so I don’t remember learning all these ways to breathe without pain. But I have one extremely vivid memory, sometime before my mother bought lace curtains for the kitchen, when the kitchen door still had a yellow net curtain with little lead curtain weights on a string in the lower hem, and i remember staring at that, and making myself breathe as deep as I could before the coughing reflex would kick in, and I remember that weird tight-elastic feeling of it, and being disappointed by how shallow my breaths were.
From the angle I remember looking at that curtain, I’d’ve been less than four feet tall.
So these are some real old deep-buried reflexes. And that tight-elastic feeling is back, and I can’t take even half a breath without the itch-claws of needing to cough coming out.
I am an extreme wuss about chest colds, and do a lot of whimpering about them, but for the record it’s routine for me to have a cough last in excess of 50 days when something like this happens, and I’ve learned to note down when it starts because if you go to the doctor during cold season with a cough they laugh at you, but if you can say “i have been coughing for 47 days nonstop and it sounds like this” *SEAL BARK* * SEAL BARK* then sometimes they give you bronchodilators. Which is all I want in my entire life, but there are no over the counter bronchodilators.
(I don’t have regular asthma where your big airways get spasms. I mean, I’ve had that, I know what it feels like. I get that sometimes. But no, mostly what I get is little asthma, where all my little airways fill themselves with air and then swell shut, so I can pant and pant and inflate my lungs all I want, but down in the little bitty sacs where the gas exchange actually takes place, that shit is all stale as fuck, eternally, and all my breathing does fuck-all of good.)
(Your picture was not posted)
