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dragonlady7via https://ift.tt/2O53qUh
lettersfromeleanorrigby:
aria-jane-cherry:
jennikeatts:
w0rldweaver:
soloveitchik:
pbrim:
iammyfather:
nerdymouse:
lesbwian:
Shout out to all my straight sisters I’m so sorry 😞
Jesus, leave his ass.
We learn fast to be very kind and attentive, tho.
My mom, who got her degree in Marriage and Family Counseling when she was 60, says studies show that women will sometimes sometimes leave a long term relationship to live on their own for a while before seeking a new relationship, but men will almost never leave a long term relationship without having a new relationship either in progress or just beginning. They don’t want to give up the caretaker they have without another one on deck or in the wings.
This is so sad
This isnt cute or quirky. This means hes a fucking hopeless user
Please date a man who actually acts like an adult.
Ok I lived with my ex for 2 years and he literally wouldn’t be able to get his own food if I wasn’t at home, I’d get home from work and he’d be angry at me for “making him starve”
My current partner has lived on his own for 8 years and the absolute most I have to help him with is maybe sending him $20 so he can make a bill payment on time
It made me realise for 2-4 years I wasn’t a girlfriend I was a fucking mother
Men who have been independent are capable of reverting if given the slightest excuse. When we married, my ex husband was 10 years older than me and had lived on his own for 8ish years. Yet (and I allowed this until I finally got fed up and took us to counseling) I did 80% of the cooking, because I was better at it. Same with the cleaning, shopping, social planning, etc.
After I left, in the first six months I got texts or calls asking me to please tell him:
The online banking password (dude, I left you, you should really change that)
Where I ordered his special-wecial organic underwear
Where the good cutting board was (my dad gave it to us at our wedding, genius, I took it with me along with the rest of the stuff from my family)
What brand butter we bought
What brand of local kielbasa we bought
Who his doctor was
What RMV office had the shortest lines
Where the old tax returns were (in the fucking box labeled tax returns)
The phone number for his best friend
I shit you not.
Then he had a heart attack (mild) and none of his family or friends were around to take him to the hospital. But instead of calling 911, he called me, who by then lived 45 minutes away. He lived 5 minutes from an EMS dispatch location. He called me, despite the fact that he didn’t believe me 8 months prior when I was feeling suicidal and I had to call a cab to go alone to check myself into the hospital for a 72-hour hold. I told him to call 911, hung up on him when he whined about “making a fuss”, called 911, called his siblings and then texted them “your brother is having a heart attack, I called 911 for him, come home,” and washed my hands of it.
Emotionally vacant men who won’t do household labor or emotional labor are not Nazis, but they aren’t good people, either, and you don’t have to put up with their shit.
Here’s the thing, though, even a good dude will fucking revert.
And it’s really easy to fall into the fucking trap. ESPECIALLY with the fucking wage gap. I have been underemployed basically my whole life; I’ve rarely made more than like ten bucks an hour at best, and meanwhile my dude’s making $90k/yr as a programmer. It’s really really really easy to fall into the trap of “well, I’m working fewer hours, I should just pull a little more weight around the house since it’s not my $$ paying the bills, it’s only fair” because it IS only fair, you would THINK, right??
Only you do that early on in a relationship and you’ve just set the precedent that your whole life, you’re the one who’s In Charge Of The House. And I do mean, for the rest of your fucking life, you are 100% responsible for anything between these four walls.
Our first years together, I bounced in and out of underpaid jobs, and so I did all the cooking, the meal planning, the cleaning. Then he lost his job, and was in and out of school and various things, and I waitressed my fucking ass off.
And I would come home from my 10-hour shift of fucking bussing tables and getting beer spilled on me, and I would fucking bus up my unemployed boyfriend’s goddamn dirty dishes.
He absolutely 100% did not feel obligated to reciprocate. I had worked my ass off to keep the house nice while I wasn’t working. While he wasn’t working, he relaxed.
The only thing that eventually upended this was that I had a complete depressive breakdown while involved in so many commitments that i literally did not have time to eat many nights, let alone to also make supper and do meal plans. I let it all go, and settled in to willingly live on nothing but baked potatoes and canned tuna, and when he tried to complain about this, I just wasn’t there.
Eventually, he took over the cooking. I didn’t like the choices he made, but it was better than nothing, and I learned not to mind when he was inefficient.
When I got better, it crept back to me taking care of things, and I fought it. I think it would have crept back again except that now I spend weeks at a time living elsewhere, so I’m simply not there to do the mealplanning. It still falls to me when I’m around, but–
My point is, it’s a trap, and even a good, caring, gentle, sensitive type man is going to fall into this rut. You have to fight it, because if you ever don’t (even if you’re like ohh, but i like to cook! yeah well) your labor will pass into invisibility and never be acknowledged, so just brace yourself for that.
(Your picture was not posted)
lettersfromeleanorrigby:
aria-jane-cherry:
jennikeatts:
w0rldweaver:
soloveitchik:
pbrim:
iammyfather:
nerdymouse:
lesbwian:
Shout out to all my straight sisters I’m so sorry 😞
Jesus, leave his ass.
We learn fast to be very kind and attentive, tho.
My mom, who got her degree in Marriage and Family Counseling when she was 60, says studies show that women will sometimes sometimes leave a long term relationship to live on their own for a while before seeking a new relationship, but men will almost never leave a long term relationship without having a new relationship either in progress or just beginning. They don’t want to give up the caretaker they have without another one on deck or in the wings.
This is so sad
This isnt cute or quirky. This means hes a fucking hopeless user
Please date a man who actually acts like an adult.
Ok I lived with my ex for 2 years and he literally wouldn’t be able to get his own food if I wasn’t at home, I’d get home from work and he’d be angry at me for “making him starve”
My current partner has lived on his own for 8 years and the absolute most I have to help him with is maybe sending him $20 so he can make a bill payment on time
It made me realise for 2-4 years I wasn’t a girlfriend I was a fucking mother
Men who have been independent are capable of reverting if given the slightest excuse. When we married, my ex husband was 10 years older than me and had lived on his own for 8ish years. Yet (and I allowed this until I finally got fed up and took us to counseling) I did 80% of the cooking, because I was better at it. Same with the cleaning, shopping, social planning, etc.
After I left, in the first six months I got texts or calls asking me to please tell him:
The online banking password (dude, I left you, you should really change that)
Where I ordered his special-wecial organic underwear
Where the good cutting board was (my dad gave it to us at our wedding, genius, I took it with me along with the rest of the stuff from my family)
What brand butter we bought
What brand of local kielbasa we bought
Who his doctor was
What RMV office had the shortest lines
Where the old tax returns were (in the fucking box labeled tax returns)
The phone number for his best friend
I shit you not.
Then he had a heart attack (mild) and none of his family or friends were around to take him to the hospital. But instead of calling 911, he called me, who by then lived 45 minutes away. He lived 5 minutes from an EMS dispatch location. He called me, despite the fact that he didn’t believe me 8 months prior when I was feeling suicidal and I had to call a cab to go alone to check myself into the hospital for a 72-hour hold. I told him to call 911, hung up on him when he whined about “making a fuss”, called 911, called his siblings and then texted them “your brother is having a heart attack, I called 911 for him, come home,” and washed my hands of it.
Emotionally vacant men who won’t do household labor or emotional labor are not Nazis, but they aren’t good people, either, and you don’t have to put up with their shit.
Here’s the thing, though, even a good dude will fucking revert.
And it’s really easy to fall into the fucking trap. ESPECIALLY with the fucking wage gap. I have been underemployed basically my whole life; I’ve rarely made more than like ten bucks an hour at best, and meanwhile my dude’s making $90k/yr as a programmer. It’s really really really easy to fall into the trap of “well, I’m working fewer hours, I should just pull a little more weight around the house since it’s not my $$ paying the bills, it’s only fair” because it IS only fair, you would THINK, right??
Only you do that early on in a relationship and you’ve just set the precedent that your whole life, you’re the one who’s In Charge Of The House. And I do mean, for the rest of your fucking life, you are 100% responsible for anything between these four walls.
Our first years together, I bounced in and out of underpaid jobs, and so I did all the cooking, the meal planning, the cleaning. Then he lost his job, and was in and out of school and various things, and I waitressed my fucking ass off.
And I would come home from my 10-hour shift of fucking bussing tables and getting beer spilled on me, and I would fucking bus up my unemployed boyfriend’s goddamn dirty dishes.
He absolutely 100% did not feel obligated to reciprocate. I had worked my ass off to keep the house nice while I wasn’t working. While he wasn’t working, he relaxed.
The only thing that eventually upended this was that I had a complete depressive breakdown while involved in so many commitments that i literally did not have time to eat many nights, let alone to also make supper and do meal plans. I let it all go, and settled in to willingly live on nothing but baked potatoes and canned tuna, and when he tried to complain about this, I just wasn’t there.
Eventually, he took over the cooking. I didn’t like the choices he made, but it was better than nothing, and I learned not to mind when he was inefficient.
When I got better, it crept back to me taking care of things, and I fought it. I think it would have crept back again except that now I spend weeks at a time living elsewhere, so I’m simply not there to do the mealplanning. It still falls to me when I’m around, but–
My point is, it’s a trap, and even a good, caring, gentle, sensitive type man is going to fall into this rut. You have to fight it, because if you ever don’t (even if you’re like ohh, but i like to cook! yeah well) your labor will pass into invisibility and never be acknowledged, so just brace yourself for that.
(Your picture was not posted)
no subject
Date: 2018-10-05 02:57 am (UTC)As someone who's been single her whole life, I cannot imagine dealing with this. If I came home to a grown adult expecting me to be his mother, there'd be an abrupt termination of that relationship and 95 theses nailed to the door of wherever he ended up.
No amount of "romance" or sex in the world could possibly be worth tripling my emotional and physical labour for zero acknowledgement. Also, I firmly believe that YKIOK... but ageplay is definitely not my kink, and I'd be willing to explain it to a judge in those terms. You want to be the baby I look after? Sorry, I wasn't consulted and I'm not consenting. Take your stuff and get out (but I'm keeing the good cutting board).
Being single and reading stories like those makes me wonder why anybody ever even considers dating a dude, because I see way too much of that. When you're not in the trap, the catch is obvious! And the bait is not at all tempting.