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dragonlady7via https://ift.tt/2rFuPh8
My problem with shopping for dresses is that literally every one of them is designed for women for whom bras are optional. SO GODDAMN MANY dresses look totally normal, cute even, until you squint and think, “where do the straps on all the bras that fit me go?” and you can just mentally fill in where they would totally and completely hang out of the dress you’re looking at. It’s like– if it’s not a strangely scooped neckline, it’s a shoulder cut-out or a lace panel, or a wide neckline, or a narrow shoulder line, or something.
Bras are not optional for me, and what’s more, my options within those bras are extremely limited. I have never as an adult worn a strapless bra. Halter-neck bras give me pinched nerves, this is non-negotiable. I can’t even do too severe a racerback if I ever want to turn my head again. Also the fronts of those bras can’t go too low or my hoots will escape; they are tricksy and wily bitches, I cannot control them except by clever management of gravity.
I have had good luck with Torrid, though they are among the WORST offenders– a perfectly reasonable dress with a highish neck and a nice knee-length hem and sensible cap sleeves will for no reason have a RANDOM KEYHOLE in the back that seems expressly designed to make it impossible to wear a normal bra. I’ve also just tried eShakti for the first time but their stuff does take a bit of time to arrive.
I’ve somehow gone my whole life without ever encountering a dress that actually came in my size and had straps to cover a bra that had a leg slit, so I can’t give much advice there.
But honestly, what do I know? I never went to a Prom! I had a formal event in the winter-time at my school, where we all dressed to impress each other, but in winter you can usually find dresses with straps! And actually my mom made my outfits for those, several years running. Back in those days I had a thing for only wearing skirts longer than knee-length, so my options were kind of limited. I’ve just– never shopped from the Formal, Prom, or Bridal section of the store, and I’m glad for that. Most everything in those sections is expensive, ill-fitting, and made of plastic. (WHY IS EVERYTHING POLYESTER IF YOU WANT SEVEN HUNDRED DOLLARS OUT OF ME THIS OUGHT TO AT LEAST BE REAL SILK.)
It’s not that I mind showing off various bits of my body– I am old now, and the days of being terrified of my own body are mostly behind me, but do not think I don’t understand that terror, it was very real for a very long time– I just know that in polite society one is not meant to display one’s undergarments, and so it makes me cranky when I can’t find something that works with them. (Also now I’m approaching the age where I think people don’t want to see that sort of nonsense from me, so I’m kind of. Trying to cover up just for the idea of decorum. If I’m going on a date I care approximately zero percent, but if going to a family function of some kind, I make more of an effort.) The thing to remember, though, is that everyone has body parts, and people care about your specific body parts probably a lot less than you think they do, so whatever shape they happen to be is probably just a fine one, and you don’t need to worry about it too much. It’s just uncomfortable, I know, to feel like parts of you might fall out of a garment, or like there’s just too much of you showing to be comfortable. I have the issue of having so much breast tissue that even if only a small percentage is showing, other people read it as “scandalous”– listen, my cleavage goes up to my collarbones, so if you can see four inches of it, that’s honestly not very much at all– and I get stared at. And I don’t care, but it’s still not pleasant to have to figure out who’s looking at you because they want to talk to you and who’s staring in horrified fascination at your chest waiting to see if your dress falls off. Ugh.
I have, of late, discovered that the fad for a proliferation of decorative straps on bralettes gives you some leeway– if you find one whose straps manage to blend in with the coloration of the dress, then you can go forth confident that it looks like you meant to do this, whatever “this” is. So sometimes I’ll even fill in the neckline of a too-low dress with a strappy lace bralette, because even if it’s underwear and see-through, it’s still not just the exposed flesh of several inches of chest that wouldn’t be scandalous except that I’m fat there.
And I suppose that’s what all of it really comes down to– as far as I can tell, the difference between Fashion and Not Fashion is looking like you meant to do whatever it is you’re doing.
(Your picture was not posted)
My problem with shopping for dresses is that literally every one of them is designed for women for whom bras are optional. SO GODDAMN MANY dresses look totally normal, cute even, until you squint and think, “where do the straps on all the bras that fit me go?” and you can just mentally fill in where they would totally and completely hang out of the dress you’re looking at. It’s like– if it’s not a strangely scooped neckline, it’s a shoulder cut-out or a lace panel, or a wide neckline, or a narrow shoulder line, or something.
Bras are not optional for me, and what’s more, my options within those bras are extremely limited. I have never as an adult worn a strapless bra. Halter-neck bras give me pinched nerves, this is non-negotiable. I can’t even do too severe a racerback if I ever want to turn my head again. Also the fronts of those bras can’t go too low or my hoots will escape; they are tricksy and wily bitches, I cannot control them except by clever management of gravity.
I have had good luck with Torrid, though they are among the WORST offenders– a perfectly reasonable dress with a highish neck and a nice knee-length hem and sensible cap sleeves will for no reason have a RANDOM KEYHOLE in the back that seems expressly designed to make it impossible to wear a normal bra. I’ve also just tried eShakti for the first time but their stuff does take a bit of time to arrive.
I’ve somehow gone my whole life without ever encountering a dress that actually came in my size and had straps to cover a bra that had a leg slit, so I can’t give much advice there.
But honestly, what do I know? I never went to a Prom! I had a formal event in the winter-time at my school, where we all dressed to impress each other, but in winter you can usually find dresses with straps! And actually my mom made my outfits for those, several years running. Back in those days I had a thing for only wearing skirts longer than knee-length, so my options were kind of limited. I’ve just– never shopped from the Formal, Prom, or Bridal section of the store, and I’m glad for that. Most everything in those sections is expensive, ill-fitting, and made of plastic. (WHY IS EVERYTHING POLYESTER IF YOU WANT SEVEN HUNDRED DOLLARS OUT OF ME THIS OUGHT TO AT LEAST BE REAL SILK.)
It’s not that I mind showing off various bits of my body– I am old now, and the days of being terrified of my own body are mostly behind me, but do not think I don’t understand that terror, it was very real for a very long time– I just know that in polite society one is not meant to display one’s undergarments, and so it makes me cranky when I can’t find something that works with them. (Also now I’m approaching the age where I think people don’t want to see that sort of nonsense from me, so I’m kind of. Trying to cover up just for the idea of decorum. If I’m going on a date I care approximately zero percent, but if going to a family function of some kind, I make more of an effort.) The thing to remember, though, is that everyone has body parts, and people care about your specific body parts probably a lot less than you think they do, so whatever shape they happen to be is probably just a fine one, and you don’t need to worry about it too much. It’s just uncomfortable, I know, to feel like parts of you might fall out of a garment, or like there’s just too much of you showing to be comfortable. I have the issue of having so much breast tissue that even if only a small percentage is showing, other people read it as “scandalous”– listen, my cleavage goes up to my collarbones, so if you can see four inches of it, that’s honestly not very much at all– and I get stared at. And I don’t care, but it’s still not pleasant to have to figure out who’s looking at you because they want to talk to you and who’s staring in horrified fascination at your chest waiting to see if your dress falls off. Ugh.
I have, of late, discovered that the fad for a proliferation of decorative straps on bralettes gives you some leeway– if you find one whose straps manage to blend in with the coloration of the dress, then you can go forth confident that it looks like you meant to do this, whatever “this” is. So sometimes I’ll even fill in the neckline of a too-low dress with a strappy lace bralette, because even if it’s underwear and see-through, it’s still not just the exposed flesh of several inches of chest that wouldn’t be scandalous except that I’m fat there.
And I suppose that’s what all of it really comes down to– as far as I can tell, the difference between Fashion and Not Fashion is looking like you meant to do whatever it is you’re doing.
(Your picture was not posted)
