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dragonlady7via http://ift.tt/2CuhZpX:
amiddleearththemedbarinhogsmeade:
You know what I wish we talked about more? How difficult it is to exist in nonnormative ways. We’re always talking about how awesome it is that we get to be creative and find ways to do things better that fit and work for us better - and that’s true! But it’s also so damn difficult, y'all
Like it’s that whole “you can’t be what you can’t see” thing where yeah that’s more or less true, but you’re not strictly limited to the set of scripts other people have made available; you can make up your own, but that level of creativity requires a lot of time and effort and goddamn work
Like, my gender nonconformity didn’t just effortlessly materialize in the form of clothes and shoes and a haircut that actually fits and works for me. It took a lot of damn work to get here. A lot of energy and thought poured into this creative process and more than a few cries in various dressing rooms.
My relationship with the person I’m dating who is also a-spec doesn’t just happen. We’ve had to communicate a whole helluva lot about where our boundaries are. Which like, yeah, sure, you should do that in any relationship, but I don’t think it’s widely understood the Level of communication this requires. You don’t just get to use the pre-written scripts on how to be in a relationship and show affection for the person you like - you have to evaluate each and every goddamn one of ‘em to see if they fit and work for the two of you personally.
And what’s more! Is that it’s not just communicating boundaries, but also you gotta figure out where the fuck even are your own boundaries??????? Which is so fucking hard, goddamn. Like. I literally cannot tell whether I actually honest-to-Jesus want to kiss them sometimes or whether that’s just my brain trying to follow the script I’ve read and watched hundreds of thousands of times. Because lemme tell ya, my feelings may be confused, but I know damn well that this is the part where you’re supposed to kiss the person you’re dating. (And not just in a sexual, making out sort of way. Like. Little kisses to show affection, say goodbye, say hello, that sort of thing. It’s all weird for me, and it’s really! Hard to determine why that is!!! Esp when you’re not actively repulsed but also not super into it either! When it’s somewhere on the spectrum between neutral and good, it’s so. damn. hard. to tell when it’s leaning good bc you like it and it feels good or it’s just that you want to want it because you know you’re “”“”“”“supposed to”“”“”“” like it)
And anyways, shout out to all my nonconforming babes who are working their asses off figuring out how to be themselves and just. Fucking exist. It’s hard as hell out there when you go off script, and like. I see you. And you’re doing great
(Your picture was not posted)
amiddleearththemedbarinhogsmeade:
You know what I wish we talked about more? How difficult it is to exist in nonnormative ways. We’re always talking about how awesome it is that we get to be creative and find ways to do things better that fit and work for us better - and that’s true! But it’s also so damn difficult, y'all
Like it’s that whole “you can’t be what you can’t see” thing where yeah that’s more or less true, but you’re not strictly limited to the set of scripts other people have made available; you can make up your own, but that level of creativity requires a lot of time and effort and goddamn work
Like, my gender nonconformity didn’t just effortlessly materialize in the form of clothes and shoes and a haircut that actually fits and works for me. It took a lot of damn work to get here. A lot of energy and thought poured into this creative process and more than a few cries in various dressing rooms.
My relationship with the person I’m dating who is also a-spec doesn’t just happen. We’ve had to communicate a whole helluva lot about where our boundaries are. Which like, yeah, sure, you should do that in any relationship, but I don’t think it’s widely understood the Level of communication this requires. You don’t just get to use the pre-written scripts on how to be in a relationship and show affection for the person you like - you have to evaluate each and every goddamn one of ‘em to see if they fit and work for the two of you personally.
And what’s more! Is that it’s not just communicating boundaries, but also you gotta figure out where the fuck even are your own boundaries??????? Which is so fucking hard, goddamn. Like. I literally cannot tell whether I actually honest-to-Jesus want to kiss them sometimes or whether that’s just my brain trying to follow the script I’ve read and watched hundreds of thousands of times. Because lemme tell ya, my feelings may be confused, but I know damn well that this is the part where you’re supposed to kiss the person you’re dating. (And not just in a sexual, making out sort of way. Like. Little kisses to show affection, say goodbye, say hello, that sort of thing. It’s all weird for me, and it’s really! Hard to determine why that is!!! Esp when you’re not actively repulsed but also not super into it either! When it’s somewhere on the spectrum between neutral and good, it’s so. damn. hard. to tell when it’s leaning good bc you like it and it feels good or it’s just that you want to want it because you know you’re “”“”“”“supposed to”“”“”“” like it)
And anyways, shout out to all my nonconforming babes who are working their asses off figuring out how to be themselves and just. Fucking exist. It’s hard as hell out there when you go off script, and like. I see you. And you’re doing great
(Your picture was not posted)
