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dragonlady7via http://ift.tt/2w4h2Br:
m3glit:
meghaljanardan:
i just want to let ya’ll know i was never asked out to a school dance in high school and have never been on a date in all 24 years of my life. i’m not mad about it, just trying to normalize it.
I was never asked out in high school either and I was in my twenties when I started dating. I’m glad I’m not the only one who wants to normalize that. It made me feel like I was a freak/unlovable for the longest time and if someone where there to tell me “it’s ok you’re not weird for that” it would have made a huge difference to me.
*raises hand* I’ve never been asked out!
I’m 37, 38 next month. I never kissed anyone before I was 19, I never had a boyfriend until I was in my 20s, I’ve never really dated anyone. And I’ve been with the same partner for 15 years, but we never dated. It’s not mandatory. It’s cool if you never date, it’s cool if you stay single, but you can, for the record, be in relationships without doing the whole “dating” thing either. I promise, it can be that easy.
Well, it’s still not *easy*, you have to work at it, but the Going Out shit isn’t mandatory, you don’t have to do it like the movies. Dude and I now occasionally refer to things as “date nights” or whatever but that’s only because we think it’s funny, and it’s an excuse for me to wear cute shoes if I feel like it, and then I don’t have to explicitly ask for sex, which is hard for me to do. (That’s kind of a code we’ve worked out! Still sometimes I have to ask, but it’s easier if I know he kind of expects me to.) (Mismatched sex drives are also a thing that dating makes weird, but talking makes a lot less scary! Words are hard but they’re worth it.)
You can do all kinds of things and they’re honestly not that weird, it turns out. The thing that matters is that if you want something, you have to try to get it, and it probably works better if you don’t hint or assume or expect without asking. But you don’t have to follow any rules but your own considered ideas of how to be nice to people. You have to think about what the other person might want, if you want another person. But you don’t have to read a book or follow a guideline or play a game. You have to use your words, and sometimes you have to do difficult things like explicitly asking for stuff you want that the other person might say no to (my kryptonite), but if it’s someone worth having, they’ll work with you. And if they say no, at least you figured out what you wanted, and that’s a kind of a victory.
It’s not easy, nothing is ever easy– being alone isn’t easy, I did that too, for pretty much my entire undergrad career while everyone else was hooking up all over the place, and it was fine except how “weird” it made me feel– but “dating” is overrated. And the whole idea of something being “weird” or “normal” is also overrated. You do you, and it’ll work out better than trying to play by some rules you’ve absorbed from other people’s assumptions.
m3glit:
meghaljanardan:
i just want to let ya’ll know i was never asked out to a school dance in high school and have never been on a date in all 24 years of my life. i’m not mad about it, just trying to normalize it.
I was never asked out in high school either and I was in my twenties when I started dating. I’m glad I’m not the only one who wants to normalize that. It made me feel like I was a freak/unlovable for the longest time and if someone where there to tell me “it’s ok you’re not weird for that” it would have made a huge difference to me.
*raises hand* I’ve never been asked out!
I’m 37, 38 next month. I never kissed anyone before I was 19, I never had a boyfriend until I was in my 20s, I’ve never really dated anyone. And I’ve been with the same partner for 15 years, but we never dated. It’s not mandatory. It’s cool if you never date, it’s cool if you stay single, but you can, for the record, be in relationships without doing the whole “dating” thing either. I promise, it can be that easy.
Well, it’s still not *easy*, you have to work at it, but the Going Out shit isn’t mandatory, you don’t have to do it like the movies. Dude and I now occasionally refer to things as “date nights” or whatever but that’s only because we think it’s funny, and it’s an excuse for me to wear cute shoes if I feel like it, and then I don’t have to explicitly ask for sex, which is hard for me to do. (That’s kind of a code we’ve worked out! Still sometimes I have to ask, but it’s easier if I know he kind of expects me to.) (Mismatched sex drives are also a thing that dating makes weird, but talking makes a lot less scary! Words are hard but they’re worth it.)
You can do all kinds of things and they’re honestly not that weird, it turns out. The thing that matters is that if you want something, you have to try to get it, and it probably works better if you don’t hint or assume or expect without asking. But you don’t have to follow any rules but your own considered ideas of how to be nice to people. You have to think about what the other person might want, if you want another person. But you don’t have to read a book or follow a guideline or play a game. You have to use your words, and sometimes you have to do difficult things like explicitly asking for stuff you want that the other person might say no to (my kryptonite), but if it’s someone worth having, they’ll work with you. And if they say no, at least you figured out what you wanted, and that’s a kind of a victory.
It’s not easy, nothing is ever easy– being alone isn’t easy, I did that too, for pretty much my entire undergrad career while everyone else was hooking up all over the place, and it was fine except how “weird” it made me feel– but “dating” is overrated. And the whole idea of something being “weird” or “normal” is also overrated. You do you, and it’ll work out better than trying to play by some rules you’ve absorbed from other people’s assumptions.
