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dragonlady7via http://ift.tt/2ukrNlG:
… my Activities page says I only have 6 notes. Whether I set it to display the last 24 hours, the last 7 days, or the last month, it still says I have only 6 notes. … If I scroll down, all my notifications are still there, but… the stats… I don’t know. I’d screenshot but I have this weird notion that it’s rude to talk about how many followers you have unless you have, like, a lot. (I think I made that up?)
In general I’m sort of bizarrely brainfoggy lately, so the notes anomaly is just mildly confusing really. Today I sat down at work and got GDocs open– I usually pick some bit of writing to work on, open it up, and then have it in a tab while I’m working, since I have so much lag time with my VPN, so I can toggle back and forth and be pretty well in the zone for both my primary and secondary task, which means free writing time, whee–
but I just sort of glanced over the various docs of my WIPs, and actually literally thought, what’s the point, and closed them all. I can’t get excited about anything I’m working on, which is bizarre and not very like me. I have a lot of, like, appetite to write, but then I actually have a document open, and I can’t make myself actually formulate any thoughts? It’s not like writer’s block, where I don’t know how to say what I need to say– it’s one step even beyond that, where I can’t manage to understand quite why anyone would ever bother writing anything, but I have this reflexive habit of writing honed by literal decades of practice at this point.
I’m having the same problem with most things, though. I put my teaching myself to embroider on hold because I kept not being able to come up with patterns to practice because why put patterns on things? The painting I did the other day, I finished it and set it on the fridge on the back porch after it was dry, and the wind’s blown it onto the floor and I step over it and occasionally think I should do something with that before it gets ruined but, then, like, what? What’s the point? What are you supposed to do with things? I don’t know.
I’m definitely missing a cog.
I just spent three hours, in which I’d planned to do something else, blankly reading a page on Reddit, which I don’t usually do, just because it was a thread and if I kept scrolling there was more. I wasn’t even entertained, I just didn’t have a “stop” mechanism.
I have no idea how I’m going to manage to get myself packed to go to the farm tomorrow. I already gave myself the evening off and said I’d come out Saturday, but, ugh, I need to like. Organize myself and bring clothing and such, because I brought a lot of laundry home last time so if I just go back and count on wearing whatever’s left in the yurt, there won’t be, like, underwear, or something.
Why. Why is there anything. I don’t know. Why do we do things? What are we supposed to do with ourselves? I don’t know.
Maybe the most annoying thing is that while my horrible death cough is mostly gone, it’s not entirely? but worse, I have near-constant phantom itches and can’t tell if it’s dry skin or bugs crawling on me? The worst is that it’s often actually bugs, this summer is the worst.
… my Activities page says I only have 6 notes. Whether I set it to display the last 24 hours, the last 7 days, or the last month, it still says I have only 6 notes. … If I scroll down, all my notifications are still there, but… the stats… I don’t know. I’d screenshot but I have this weird notion that it’s rude to talk about how many followers you have unless you have, like, a lot. (I think I made that up?)
In general I’m sort of bizarrely brainfoggy lately, so the notes anomaly is just mildly confusing really. Today I sat down at work and got GDocs open– I usually pick some bit of writing to work on, open it up, and then have it in a tab while I’m working, since I have so much lag time with my VPN, so I can toggle back and forth and be pretty well in the zone for both my primary and secondary task, which means free writing time, whee–
but I just sort of glanced over the various docs of my WIPs, and actually literally thought, what’s the point, and closed them all. I can’t get excited about anything I’m working on, which is bizarre and not very like me. I have a lot of, like, appetite to write, but then I actually have a document open, and I can’t make myself actually formulate any thoughts? It’s not like writer’s block, where I don’t know how to say what I need to say– it’s one step even beyond that, where I can’t manage to understand quite why anyone would ever bother writing anything, but I have this reflexive habit of writing honed by literal decades of practice at this point.
I’m having the same problem with most things, though. I put my teaching myself to embroider on hold because I kept not being able to come up with patterns to practice because why put patterns on things? The painting I did the other day, I finished it and set it on the fridge on the back porch after it was dry, and the wind’s blown it onto the floor and I step over it and occasionally think I should do something with that before it gets ruined but, then, like, what? What’s the point? What are you supposed to do with things? I don’t know.
I’m definitely missing a cog.
I just spent three hours, in which I’d planned to do something else, blankly reading a page on Reddit, which I don’t usually do, just because it was a thread and if I kept scrolling there was more. I wasn’t even entertained, I just didn’t have a “stop” mechanism.
I have no idea how I’m going to manage to get myself packed to go to the farm tomorrow. I already gave myself the evening off and said I’d come out Saturday, but, ugh, I need to like. Organize myself and bring clothing and such, because I brought a lot of laundry home last time so if I just go back and count on wearing whatever’s left in the yurt, there won’t be, like, underwear, or something.
Why. Why is there anything. I don’t know. Why do we do things? What are we supposed to do with ourselves? I don’t know.
Maybe the most annoying thing is that while my horrible death cough is mostly gone, it’s not entirely? but worse, I have near-constant phantom itches and can’t tell if it’s dry skin or bugs crawling on me? The worst is that it’s often actually bugs, this summer is the worst.
no subject
Date: 2017-07-14 02:57 am (UTC)Ugh. Itchies are the worst.